A thought ....

Maybe not THAT awkward after all!

To Save the Egyptian Revolution

I liked this article.

http://www.almadenahnews.com/newss/news.php?c=538&id=104378

Ya Rabb Save the Egyptian Revolution ,,,, We believed in it , It was the first thing that I thought to be conspiracy-theory-free since for ever. I believe it was the people fighting for what they need , want and crave.

But I did not really consider what would happen later when the romantic phase ends.

What will happen? What?

I will kiss you while the movie plays heheheheh

I have known my friends -and here I mean the closest circle of friends I have- 4 years ago. Throughout all those years we tried to pick a movie and just GO TO IT!! It never worked!! But today Aliet had to do some repression and decide for us , heheheeh ,,That worked really fine!!

We went to Al Barake Mall and watched the 8th and last movie of Harry Potter. Funny Fact: I have never watched , nor read any of the other 7 parts (Ok , I once watched one movie in Spain and I understood totally nothing) but in spite of me not understanding anything, I cracked in laughter for 2 hours straight!!

I dont know why,,, Maybe because the movie is too weird , and because they say very comliated things in a very serious tone that makes me go like: Be 3arth o5tak?!!! And being with Sara in the movies for the first time ever was sooooo good , we laughed our brains out.

3D glasses are yuck!!! I thought they are gonna be cooler ,,, There were little tiny tiny moments when I actually felt that things were flying from the screen to my face , but the rest of the time I had a headache.

Did I ever mention that I hate west amman? I do ,,, I feel like I need to have my passport on me as to go to that part of the city. People are weird and they talk to their children in English!!! (I just blog in English , curse in Spanish and SPEAK all the rest in Arabic) What is so wrong with people , did I say people? I meant BeoBle !!! Hahahahahah

After wards I walked sara back to university street and felt the funny funny feeling of finally being home .... Ayyyyy , I love those simple days , I just think that 5 years ago all of that was just a fantasy and now Its my Life :))))

As Real as It gets

Today we had our first meeting as a translation team.

Who are we? Well , I got a job , a freelancing translating job from Arabic to Spanish.

I went to the meeting with my heart pounding. I was afraid , this is gonna be the first time in which my Spanish is put on stake on a translation job. But I met my friend Dr Moayad on the way and he eased me into the idea. He is some kind of a Translation Idol for me , and when I saw that he was so enthusiastic I felt better and went to the meeting with high hopes.

It might be right what they say , that when you fear something it gives you pleasure afterwards!!

I am looking forward to it ,,, The first phase of our project is 13 months , in which I am suppozed to translate One Thousand Pages :))))))))))

We are meeting up soon to start translating and talk about details , but I decided that am gonna go on till the end , and do whatever it takes to make this happen.

God!! I already feel like a grown up!!!

Majed El mohandes: A song that takes me away ,, or close?

New Facebook Profile Picture

Mírame con la mirada de un lobo ,,,,

Con los ojos entornados

y con el corazón alerto

Jordan Wins :)))

Jordan Won :))))))) Jordan won 2-1 in its game with China ,,,, Walla its great to see the lights of Amman international Stadium illuminating our entire neighbourhood

I love this man

Broken Icon that Breaks My Heart

I see my friend going with bald steps towards love , and although I am dying to meet the guy , get to know what he has that makes her happy but I think I will pass.

It might be a little selfish or egocentric, but I always get involved. The guy is gonna become my friend , we will talk about stuff , we will laugh about other stuff and afterwards if -only ''if'' in Gods omniscient knowledge- things dont work out between him and my friend , I will be hurt in the trickiest of all ways.

When a guy and a girl break up , there is an international handbook for their feelings. For the things they might feel , and the things that its ok for them to say and do. But nobody says anything about the custody of common friends!!

I remember in ''How I met Your Mother'' when Lily broke up with Marshal , and then they got back together , Ted told her that when she walked out on Marshal she walked out on Ted too , this is why he requested an apology.

This has happened once before, and I get too weird around my friend's Ex!! I dont seem to be able to pick the adequate topics , and I am always afraid to bring something up that would remind him of her. I dont even know If I am myself a sad memory from the days when he used to love her ....

I know this blog entry is so confusing , but I am trying to draw a line -not so thick though- between me and the new guy until the horizon brightens up a little.

Ya Rab Pick whats best for us all.

Never thought that this would feel so GREAT!!!

Today I had a moment in class that has surprised me deeply.

It was nothing actually, but one of my students formed this sentence: ''La lista de guardia está pegada en la pared''. Which is Spanish for: The list of guard duty is stuck on the wall.

And I felt so good!! So So So good!!! I have heard many teachers before say how good they feel when their students actually Get The Lesson , but I did not imagine that it would feel that great!!!

I dont usually tell them how proud I am of them ... I dont because I believe that learners have to feel bad about themselves ALL THE TIME in order for them to work harder. But here , in the intimacy of my blog I just say it: My boys are growing up!! They are speaking Spanish already :))))

A page from my paper Diary

Zebra Is Back On Town!!!!!

I love those pens!!! I used to write with them all the time when I was at school. Although I had separate pens by then , Pens for school and other pens for ''my diaries and my things''.

I always thought that pens have lives of their own and it would annoy them to be used to write down high school crap.

We were reunited after many years of searching in Al Ameryya store while I was buying my students El Libro de los Verbos Españoles.

Haaaaaaaaaa I love my life!!

Albalad: My Happy Place

Today I went to Albalad with my friends. It was great as always. We did the things that we normally do , and we took a lot of pictures. How come Alablad always feels good?

Today I noticed that Albalad has grown with me through all my phases. It was as perfect as childhood when I was a child. It was as perfect as a novel when I was a literature geek, and it perfect as the face of patriotism as home is all I crave now.

Today I saw Abu 3ali , the owner of the books kiosk , I talked to him as I used to do long long time ago. I reminded him of myself and he remembered me , and I asked him about my great great and favourite palestinian writer Ibrahim Nasralla and he gave me his phone number!!

I dont know what I am gonna do with his phone number. Is is possible that at some point I will have the guts to call him and tell him: Palestine means to me exactly what you wrote in your novel , nothing more and nothing less, and thanks for framing our national pain in the frame of a book? Is that possible?

I accidentaly ran through my childhood friend Dana , the friend that I have been trying to meet for the last two years and actually planned to meet her this very Monday. I was so happy ,,,, purely and originally happy ,,,, I hugged a true friend and this is a true gift from Allah.

I love walking around with Aliet and Rashati ,,, they help me overcome my silly ''people disease'' ,, they take me into crowded places , they mingle with strangers , they make the world look familiar.

I love my life ,,, Alhamdulillah

It could have been anyone at all ...

I cant believe that this is happening to me ....

For the first time in years something looks at me in the face and it takes me all that time to notice it...

I notice EVERYTHING!! How did THAT slip by me?!

It could have been anyone at all

I am Glad its you ,,,,,

In Spite of all that , I feel -like I have always felt- that good things come to my life to stay , but GREAT things only pass me by and they keep walking ,,,,

I pray that my fate will change , only this time ,,,, Oh God ,,, Listen to my prayers and lead me on the way

New Facebook Profile Picture

Under my Umbrella I saw the sun but it did not burn

I heard the rain but I did not get wet

And I believed that in some magical way

If I jump It would make me fly ...

I did not fly , and my umbrella did not fit in my suitcase


España - Granada -Salobreña Octubre 2009

A page from my paper Diary

This picture was taken by me in my village Dair Ese'ene

الآن فقط استوعبت أن رمضان قد انتهى ...

رمضان بوجهه الجميل قد غاب... أخذ معه حصة وفيرة من دهشة الأيام و ذهب ...

أكثر ما أحب في رمضان هو تلك الوحدة اللذيذة ، التي تنبع من الجوع و تنتهي دائما إلى وجه الله...الله، حبيبي ذي

الجلال و الإكرام...هذه السنة تحقق لي حلم رمضاني عمره سنوات. حلمي بأن أكون في الشارع في الساعة الأخيرة

التي تسبق الأذان. كنت أعود من محاضرتي و أمشي من دوار المدينة إلى بيتنا و أنا أستمع إلى "ديانا ناباررو" أو

"إستريا مورينتي" أو "بابلو ألبوران" .

و من خلال حاجز الموسيقى و صمت الحواس و تهذيب كل ما هو دنيوي الذي يسببه الجوع، كنت أنظر إلى العالم ،

أراقب الناس ، و أرى أنهم جميعاً يمشون على عجل في اتجاه ، بينما أمشي أنا على مهلي في اتجاه آخر.

تلك اللحظة هي الوحدة المقدسة مع الله. اللحظة التي كانت تصافحني فيها أكفّ الملائكة السماوية ... حينها فقط كنت

أشعر أنني مع الله ، و لذلك: فأنا لا أبالي.

الحمد لله على أصغر الأشياء

الحمد لله على لذة الروتين

الحمد لله لأنه هو

دير السعنة – إربد

31-8-2011

You are Missing in every moment

Its Eid time. And I wonder who you are , where are you exactly and how are we gonna meet - that in the case of us meeting- but you are missed in every moment. Moments like this one while I read a poem like this one.

كما ينبت العشب بين مفاصل صخرةْ وُجدنا غريبين يوما وكانت سماء الربيع تؤلف نجماً... ونجما وكنت أؤلف فقرة حب... لعينيكِ... غنيتها! أتعلمُ عيناكِ أني انتظرت طويلا كما انتظرَ الصيفَ طائرْ ونمتُ... كنوم المهاجرْ فعينٌ تنام، لتصحوَ عين... طويلا وتبكي على أختها، حبيبان نحن، إلى أن ينام القمر ونعلم أن العناق، وأن القبل طعام ليالي الغزل وأن الصباح ينادي خطاي لكي تستمر على الدرب يوماً جديداً! صديقان نحن، فسيري بقربيَ كفاً بكف معاً، نصنع الخبز والأغنيات لماذا نسائل هذا الطريق... لأي مصير يسير بنا؟ ومن أين لملم أقدامنا؟ فحسبي، وحسبك أنا نسير... معاً، للأبد لماذا نفتش عن أُغنيات البكاء بديوان شعر قديم؟ ونسأل: يا حبنا! هل تدوم؟ أُحبكِ حُبَّ القوافل واحةَ عشب وماء وحب الفقير الرغيف! كما ينبت العشب بين مفاصل صخرة وجدنا غريبين يوماً ونبقى رفيقين دوماً. كلمات : محمود درويش من ديوان " أوراق الزيتون " (1964 )



عندما يذهب الشهداء الى النوم

This is the first Eid after the martyrs since our nation have passed away , bringing us the big dream of liberty.

I wanna salute their souls , their mothers , their families and the ones they influenced. May God accept them and forgive us for the things we should do and we did not and the things we should have said and we have not.

Amen Amen Amen

عندما يذهب الشهداء الى النوم أصحو

وأحرسهم من هواة الرِّثاء

أقول لهم

تُصبحون على وطن

من سحابٍ ومن شجرٍ

من سراب وماء

أهنئُهُم بالسلامةِ من حادثِ المُستحيل

ومن قيمة المذبح الفائضة

وأسرقُ وقتَا لكي يسرقوني من الوقتِ

هل كُلُنا شهداء؟

وأهمس

يا أصدقائي اتركوا حائطاَ واحداً

لحبال الغسيل

اتركوا ليلةًَ للغناء

اُعلِّق أسماءكم أين شئتم فناموا قليلاً

وناموا على سلم الكرمة الحامضة

لأحرس أحلامكم من خناجر حُراسكم

وانقلاب الكتاب على الأنبياء

وكونوا نشيد الذي لا نشيد له

عندما تذهبون إلى النوم هذا المساء

أقول لكم

تصبحون على وطنٍ

حمّلوه على فرس راكضه

وأهمس

يا أصدقائي لن تصبحوا مثلنا

حبل مشنقةٍ غامضه

My status of Today Last Year

الحياة في الصيف خيار من اثنين : يا إما بتنام بدون مروحة و بتصحى سبونج بوب من العرق ، يا إما

بتشغل المروحة و بتصحى ممغوص

الحياة في الشتا خيار من اثنين: يا اما بتشغل التدفئة و بتلزق جنبها زي العلكة ، يا اما بتطفيها و برضو

بتصحى ممغوص

يا رب ارزقنا الجنة .. لا برد و لا زمهرير و لا ظل و لا حرور

آمين آمين آمين

تاريخ المدينة.. يا رئيس الحكومة

مصطفى صالح

المباني القديمة والأسواق التجارية والمحلات وأسماء شهرتها التي اكتسبتها على مر السنين جزء من تاريخ الوطن، خصوصاً إذا ارتبطت بشكل أو بآخر بنشوء المدينة وتطورها. وكان لها دور في إكساب البلد سمعته عند المواطنين والسياح الوافدين.

ذاكرة المدينة محفوظة بين حجارة جدرانها العتيقة التي شهدت النشوء والارتقاء والأحداث والتطورات على مر السنين، ومحو هذه الذاكرة يعني ارتكاب جرم محو التاريخ وطمس العلاقة بينه وبين الأجيال الجديدة.

لقد ارتكبت حكومات متعاقبة -عن قصد، أو غير قصد، وتصرف بعيد عن الذكاء والمسؤولية الوطنية بالمحافظة على التاريخ والهوية- هذه الخطيئة تحت شعار التطوير والتغيير، فهُدم مبنى سينما البتراء التي شهدت اجتماعات مجلس الأمة في بداية تأسيس الدولة وإلى جانبها مقهى المنشية الذي كان موئلاً لكبار رجال الدولة من وزراء ونواب وأعيان وسياسيين وقادة أحزاب وتم بناء أسواق تجارية تباع فيها الأقمشة والألعاب والبقالة.

وبحجة التطوير.. تم هدم فندق فيلادلفيا الذي كان مقراً لرئيس الوزراء لأعوام طويلة، تشكل بين ثناياه الحكومات ويستقبل ضيوف الأردن الكبار لتقام مكانه ساحة ومطاعم شعبية لم تعمر طويلاً. وعادت المنطقة فارغة بلا روح ولا ذاكرة.. تقف حجارة المدرج الروماني شاهدة على بؤسها.

وامتدت يد التدمير لذاكرة المدينة، بحجة تطوير المباني إلى مقهى الجامعة العربية الذي يحمل اسمه رمزاً سياسياً قومياً، ليقام معرض للألبسة ومن قبله كان مقهى العاصمة، المقهى الوحيد الذي حمل اسم العاصمة يندثر لتجديد المبنى. ولن يكون فندق الملك غازي أحد اقدم الأبنية في قاع المدينة، آخر الأبنية المهددة، فهناك عدد من المباني من أبرز ملامح وسط المدينة، ترزح تحت هذا التهديد، ابتداء من سوق اليمنية، مروراً بسوق الصاغة، وصولاً الى مقهى السنترال بفعل قانون المالكين والمستأجرين الذي بات سيفا مصلتا يهدد ذاكرة المدينة بالزوال، ويهدد التجار الذين يشكلون عماد الطبقة الوسطى التي أصبحت تتآكل يوماً بعد يوم رغم حرصنا الشديد على بقائها والحفاظ عليها للمحافظة على توازن المجتمع.

لقد قامت الحكومة بإجراء تعديلات على القانون ورفعته الى مجلس النواب لدراسته، وحتى هذه اللحظة لم يحدث شيء جدي في الموضوع، سوى أن المستأجرين يتلقون الإنذارات بتنفيذ القانون الجديد ودفع الأجرة الجديدة التي لا يقدرون عليها. وأصبح القلق والخوف من المستقبل هاجسهم في الليل والنهار.

أبنية عمان العتيقة، تاريخها وذاكرتها التي تشكل قاع المدينة.. أمانة في أعناق الجميع، وأتذكر أن الدكتور معروف البخيت رئيس الوزراء كان فخوراً بمعرفته الوثيقة وعلاقته بقاع المدينة، رغم اعتراضه على التسمية، وطلبه أن يكون "وسط المدينة"، ومهما كان اسم هذا الجزء من المدينة، فإنه قاعها ووسطها وقلبها وعينها وذاكرتها وتاريخها المخزون في حجارة أبنيتها الشاهد على هويتها أمام الأجيال القادمة، إنه كل هذا وهو آيل إلى السقوط والاندثار مع القوانين التي تتعامل مع المصالح المادية وتجديد الإعمار والبناء على حساب التاريخ.

ليس المطلوب إنصاف المستأجر على حساب المالك، أو ظلم المالك لصالح المستأجر.. المقصود تحقيق العدالة للجميع، وسرعة البت في التعديلات داخل أروقة مجلس النواب، والأهم من كل ذلك المحافظة على تاريخ المدينة، والحفاظ على ذاكرتها.. إنها أمانة في أعناق الجميع، وعلى رأسهم.. رئيس الحكومة.

Although it Sounds Stupid: I am just Sayin!!!

Here!! I got my First Payment today although we are only half way through the course ....

Is not that cute? After all the economical bitterness I struggled with in Spain , I finally touch and smell some money that I worked for and actually feel that it will last for a while.

Really , Whats so wrong with euros? They DO disappear faster than alcohol!!!

Now , I believe in Fate and everything , and although it sounds sooooo stupid but i am just saying: Ever since I got my new shoes I seem to be getting money everywhere I go!!!

I dont wanna jinx it , but first I got my payment from the academy then , I was accepted to be a part of a translating team thats gonna be translating some serrious Saudi project to Spanish , then I was sent -by total chance and change of plans- to translate a business call between a Jordanian investor and a Spanish business man.

What else? Mashalla ,,,, Ya rabb Fill my life and effort with your mercy , let me be rich but dont change my heart and help me to help those who are less fortunate than I am ... Amen

Few Lines ,,,, Farook Jwaida

فإنك إن ركعت اليوم

سوف تظل تركع بعد آلاف السنين

اغضب

فإن الناس حولك نائمون

وكاذبون

......وعاهرون

ومنتشون بسكرة العجز المهين

اغضب

فاروق جويدة

Holy Shit :)

I believe in the beauty of the word: ''Shit''.

It is not anything immature or rude but its a linguistic conquest that Arabic has taken so much to get to!!

No Really! Is there any word as outstanding , expressive and deep as the word Khara?

I am so happy this very very cute guy has taken this word out of the closet.

I am Really Really Happy.

The Facial Gestures of Leo Messi!!

This video of Leo Messi receiving the Best Player in Europe Trophy got me thinking. He is now -and thats for sure- living the best days of his life. He has already won two group titles in less than 10 days and he is winning every possible trophy.

Does it occur to him - at some moment- that from here the curve might start going down?

Its just a thought as I look at his peaceful face while he calmly receives an important trophy.

A page from my paper diary

Picture taken by me in October 2009 - Salobreña - Granada - España

يا الله .. كم هو شاسع هذا العالم ..

كم هو شاسع.. جميل ... و مثير للشهوة ..

أشعر بالرغبة في أن ألمس كل شيء بباطن راحتي و رؤوس أصابعي، و أشعر بالرغبة في أن أتذوق كل النكهات ، و أرغب في أن أقطر عرقاً و أن أرتجف برداً ، و أن أسبح عارية ، و أن أمشي على رمل مبلل ، و على حصى ساخن ، و أن أنام على جذع شجرة.

أشتهي –بالضبط- كل شيء ، و ينغمس جلدي كله في بحيرة القشعريرة...

القشعريرة التي تسبق كل الأشياء العظيمة.

25-8-2011

EvaLuna

Maid In Manhattan: The Cheesy Good stuff of J Lo

Lately I have been deprived all my TV hours. Dad occupies the remote control watching news and some long long discussions on Jordanian Private channels talking about corruption and stuff. It is not that I dont like these things , I really do , but I also need my doze of stupid crap to go on with my life.

So today at my Aunt´s house I got to see a movie!! A 2 hours movie ,,, I was so happy for the simple idea of being able to do it without being interrupted hehehe

Now the movie is so ''Jennifer Lopez''ian!!! You know , where the nice and sexy lady gets to win at the end , but still it was so nice.

It explained one simple idea , simple but yet so hurtfully true: Will we love the people we love if they turned out to be something else than what we pictured?

I wish life gives me such a tricky coincidence though. Why such things never happen to me?

~sigh~

The Miracle of Languages

When I watch Spanglish with my cousins and they ask me to translate the Spanish parts seconds before the subtitles appear on the screen I feel huge!!!!

I feel great ,,, I feel powerful ,,,,, I thank God for the miracle of Languages.

I am Awkward Around Guys!!!

This really teases me!!! After all what I have been through ,,,, 6 years of working , many many courses everywhere with male colleagues and a year and a half abroad mingling with all kinds of people , and am still awkward around guys!!! As if I have just left my far far tiny village!!

What made me bring this up now? Well today we had an extra class , my students and I. The academy was closed and we had to wait outside for Fadi to come open the door. The boys came and we said Hello and the usual things then I found nothing more to say!! How is that even possible? I am sooooo talkative!! I can talk to a column , but still , then I ran out of topics and I went to the fire stairs and sat there reading!!

It was awkward!! You know what I am saying? Those are ''my boys'' I am there teacher and inside our classroom we are so comfortable dealing with each other. Still when I had to be locked out with them I was soooo awkward!

Sara says that it was awkward not because they were boys , but because they are doctors. They talked about ''doctors stuff'' and this is why it was hard for me to participate in the conversation.

I would like to think that this is true , but why do I get that tingling feeling in my guts each time I get to know new boys? Why does it sometimes take for ever for that feeling to go away? When it goes I just feel great ,,,, even better than when I am with girlfriends!!

Sometimes I wish I was a little bit more innocent ,,, you know , I wish I can see boys as innocent creatures, I just dont!!! I was raised to believe that men are evil , until they prove the opposite.

I dont really know , sometimes I think: What would have happened if I was raised in a different way? Anyway I was always able to spot the ''bad boys'' and have always been able to stop them in their tracks ,,,, I am strong - not trying to look good , am strong , actually vicious! - so Why on Gods name does this stupid stereotype cross my head and make me pause and hesitate?

Men are persons after all (Are they?)

Ps: In spite of all that , I would love to be -for a day or two- an idea inside a man's head. I would like to know how would it be in there.

Random Pictures as I made space in the memory card

I dont know what got into me , but lately I have been really slow in uploading the dozens of photos that I take. Today I uploaded those photos to facebook so I thought , why not share them in my blog too?

I am experimenting something , Ok two things : First How far can I go on heals without sitting down or kneeling on something? Second: Does a woman in heels sound more persuasive?

Dont make fun of that before you actually read into it! Actual experiments have proved this hypothesis true!!

I took this picture because I love this view , but this exact shot was because I was feelig awkward and wanted to look busy!

3 gums in a 2 gums pack!!! I have never seen that before :))))))))))))

My Niece ,, Farah

I love how Amman looks at night ,,,, mmmm and at day toooo :)))))

A poem ,,,, To pause the Tape of Life

وكيف أقولُ أحبُّـكَ في آخرِ الليلِ

حين تعودُ إليَّ

على كـتفيكَ نهارٌ ثقيلٌ

وشمسٌ مطاردةٌ بالسَّوادْ

وكيف أقولُ أحبكَ

لا الوقتُ وقتي

لأعبرَ صمتي

ولا نحن عُـدْنا لأرضِ البلادْ !!

وكيف أقولُ أحبكَ

أولادُنا نائمونَ نَعمْ

وما خلفَ شباكنا من عِـبادْ

قطعنا الطريقَ إلى روحِنا حافِـيَـيْنِ

كدمعٍ عزيزٍ تجمَّع في حدقاتِ الجيادْ

ومضى عمرُنا لنهاياتـهِ

قبلَ أن يتفتَّحَ فـيَّ مساءٌ وأهمسُ

: إني أُحِبُّ حياتي لأنكَ فيها

وإن خبأتْ مقلتايَ ثلاثةَ أرباعِ ما في الفؤادْ

.. فكيف أقولُ بأني أحبكَ

هادئةً

مثل غفوةِ أطفالنا

والزمانِ البعيدِ الذي ظلَّ في الروحِ ساكِـنْ

ومثل الصباحِ الذي يتفتَّح في حَـوْشِ بيتكَ

سراً

ويصعدُ قبل انتشارِ الجنودِ سطوحَ المساكنْ

في آخرِ الليل حين تعودُ إلـيَّ

أحبُّكَ دونَ كـلامٍ

وتعرفُ ذلكَ

ها حَـوْشُ بيتي نظيفٌ

غسيلي نظيفٌ

وظليَ أخضرُ فوق وجوه بنيكَ

وصحنُ طعامِكَ ـ في عزِّ كانونَ ـ سـاخنْ

من ديوان - (بسم الأم والابن)

إبراهيم نصر الله

Son of Rambow: The way We see the Other

Son of Rambow is a movie I watched surrounded with TOO many kids so I was not really able to hear the entire conversation. But it talked about a young boy who and his family follow a small Christian brotherhood that has some special rules.

They did not believe in arts , music , movies , watching Tv or mixing their kids with other kids.

The rest of the plot is not that important , but as I watched the movie I thought of the way the boys friends looked at him. They pitied him , they wanted to liberate him from his religious misery and they automatically acted in a way based on their sense of superiority.

The beliefs of the brotherhood were very vague and hard to understand for the others , and sometimes for its own follower.

At the end of the movie the brotherhood denies the family of the kid , but he is showed to us that he is still religious and a believer who reads The Bible every night and prays to Jesus and Virgin Mary , and the only modification to his faith was accepting art in his new lifestyle.

Although it might be tricky , I liked the movie. It made me see -in some way- how the other might see me ,being all different and -according to the other - weird.

But the question that stays is: Where do we draw the line between whats negotiable and what´s not in a belief? .... Being a Muslim , this is so easy for me , although it might not be as easy for a lot of muslims , but I find my peace in Quran and Sunna . But I will always think: How can I explain this to the other? Really really really , whats the best way for Dawa?

The reason Why I dont watch Ahmad Al-shuqeiri

Dear Future Me , When you re-read this: Dont Panic.

I love Ahmad Al-Shukairi , and although I feel so lonely inside my own understanding of my personality as a Muslim , Ahmad Al-shukairi represents me.

He represents me down to the deepest point of my faith , still for the second year in a row I postpone watching his show. It is not that I say: ''I am not gonna watch him'' . But I keep telling myself: Maybe soon.

Why?

Because he has a very motivating discourse. He points out what's important. He shows the dynamic part of Islam , the part where I need to move my ass and get to work to make the world a better place. He fills me with energy , with a true will to change and be changed , to inspire and be inspired.

Yet I feel that if I got this inspiration it would depress me. Because I have always found a gap between the things I am capable of doing and the things that I actually do.

Motivation has always depressed me , I always found myself tied down to an invisible cord and it goes inside my mind this way: ''Maybe Later''.

Watching Al-shukairi is on my list ,,,, and my list does not have much points by the way , I scratch away the things that would not change me for the better ,,, as for those who do change me: I pray and work on my issues , may God help me cut the cord.

Yesternight I had a dream

I had a dream. I was sitting in my aunts house on the prayer mat after praying , and there was a black little pig. It tried climbing my chest many times but I kept pushing it away. I was a bit disgusted by it and did not really want to touch it but it kept bothering me , so I asked my aunt: Do you see the pig? and she was like: What pig? ....

So when I was helpless and really bothered I picked up a rock and kept hitting it on its head until its brain came out! I did not kill it , I just got him to stop bothering me but when the dream was over it was still alive.

Ps: I did Estikhara Prayer before I slept that night!

What the hell does that mean?!!