Tuesday, April 20, 2010

That is not the best but its OK

I have just uploaded and sent the pictures with which I participated in the Competition : Colors of Jordan ,,, As always: Today was the last day to hand in the pictures , and for the last 2 days I have been going through hundreds of pictures I made ever since I got Haiku Chan and - surprise- I was not satsfied with any!!

Those are the three I sent , I have put them before in the blog except for the last one because I handed it for the ''mobile pictures'' category ....

Wish me Luck :)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Yesternight I had a dream ...

As usual it was a weird one ,,,

I was on a hurry , and a name of a friend - who lives in Spain now- kept passing through my head ... In the dream I had a feeling of disappointment , that we have lost , that things would never ever would be able to go back to the normal.

Meanwhile, I was running from something , running so hard that I entered a house where there was a water well , next to the well there was a woman , when she saw my rush she told me that no one has ever gone down the well , and what might meet me down there is totally unknown. And I thought to myself what the hell!! Its sad that they have a well and never really gone down in it ... and I passed the woman and slided down the tunnel ...

There was water and a bit of light and when I last landed I saw a door ,, I wanted to walk to the door when I found out that both my feet are cut!! i could feel that i still had them , i could feel ''steps'' but i did not move ,,, i thought: thats sad , thats something I have lost forever ,,, then I told myself: this is a dream and i will wake up..

When I said this i did not believe myself , and I was sure that that was it for me: I lost my feet for being an idiot reckless person ...

Later today - after I woke up - while i was walking i suddenly realized that I DO have feet , and i can still walk!! ,,, i realized that I was right when I said ''Its a dream'' ...

Once again I dont know what does my dream tell me , but I know its a good signal .. or so I would like to think ....

I love this song ,,, dont know how is it related but i feel it is :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The University Today

Those are the best times of the year .. everything is colored , fresh , green and smiling ,,,,

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Dear Blog

Sometimes I feel like looking back one year erlier to see , what was I thinking a year ago from today ,,,, For this I feel some kind of disappointment when a day passes and dont blog , not even a word.

For the last period of time I have been - and still - going through a weird phase , I have a lot to say but letting it out takes an effort way much bigger than before.
My mom keeps connecting the situation to Spain ,,, sometimes I agree with her , sometimes I just say ¨What does Spain have to do with this?!¨....

I drown for hours in ideas ,and when I go back to the real world I realize that I am growing up as I think .... I have changed a lot in the last few months , I have doubled and tripled in experience and suddenly I feel funnily sad!!

I know its weird to use the adverb ¨funnily¨ before the adjective sad but this is the most adequate way to describe what I am going through ,,,, I am a jovial person , a little bit indifferent and cant possibly ever be sad ,,, but I do feel displaced - still- and I had to say good bye to too many people at once...

Years ago I experienced my first loss when my best friend graduated from school and I was left alone. Then my mom told me that in life we keep on losing people so we can win others , life will keep changing the faces around us and they are very few those who are gonna stick for ever. I could not understand by then , or let say : i did not want to ,,,, understanding is letting go , and letting go is risking losing people for ever...

I feel its not mature to miss people but I cant help it ... Ever since I came back from Spain the faces of the people I knew hunt me when I go to bed ... I miss the people with whom I met spontaneously while crossing corridors and closing doors ,,,

The faces of people with whom I never talked , and the faces of the those with whom I maintained the same conversations ,,, the chinese woman and her husband who used to sell me candy , the guys who worked in the newspaper kiosk and the boys of the residency saying a polite Hola while entering or leaving the dorm ...

I miss my friends a lot , a lot ,,, I miss those whom i bit i will never get to see again ,,, but mostly I miss those whom I ran out of subjects to talk about with them ... this really hurts , the shiver that my heart makes when one of them is online , I can see him/her but i dint start a conversation nor do they ....

I know that this is the circle of life , but its taking time ,,,, I need more time ,, a little bit more time

The theme of this blog entry and the above picture: Keep hanging on to things as long as you feel like it , no pressure dear me , the moment will come and i will be able to cut the cord.

With Love:

Monday, April 5, 2010

Now what!!!

I never thought I would say it this way when it happens but things are awfully weird,,,,
Do you - dear reader of th blog - remember the days when I was dieing waiting for the results of the shcolarship offered by European Union, so called Erasmus.

I applied two times in both I was rejected ,,, I thought that they dispose the unaccepted applications and thats it,, and so I applied for the scholarship of University of Jordan , got it and went to Spain. My father almost went broke because this scholarship did not provide pocketmoney ,,, it was so hard from an economic perspective ,,,

Two months after I came back they tell me - Today- that I got Erasmus!! They are offering me a scholarship of a thousand euros monthly , cover my study costs , medical insurance , visa costs and airplane ticket!!!

I was left speechless ,,,
Why now? Thanks God , but is not just weird !!Now!!
I dont really know if am gonna go or not ,,, just thinking about being back in Granada in September gives me the chills , but still do I want to postpone my graduation 7 months to go on an experience that I have had before? - that sounded so stupid as I was writing it!! of course I would do it again!!!- .... My mom and dad were confused , mom said that they cant take my absense again ,, I dont really know ,,, I go silent for moments,,, sometimes I am happy and daydreaming about Granada , but sometimes I feel dark , a bit scared!!
How would it be? Just wait and see