Saturday, July 26, 2014

Dear Blog: Once Again

Dear Blog,

It has been a long time since I last posted anything here. I was busy but not to the extent that I could not write a line, I believe it was more of an energy-loss loop that started and restarted each and everyday.

Much has happened lately, it may not be tangible in a physical sense, but a lot has changed and happened and I am in a happy place in my life, and it would have been perfect if I was somewhere near being an economist or a person who can actually have a reasonable figure in their ban account if compared to their income.

I might write about this in a separate post, or might just hide it as it has been a source of personal shame for quite a long time now, but all in all, confessing a problem is the first step towards solving it (or so I say to feel less burdened).

In those past months I got myself an office in one of the best buildings of old Amman, and I finally got my little corner of the world where I sit in total and deep solitude to read, write and translate, with the thin possibility of being only interrupted by some of Jordan's best journalists who work for ( now after they have been blocked for the second time, given the brilliant publications law we enjoy in our beloved developed country).

I found an amazing 6-books-novel (3600 pages) that brought back my faith in reading, after I have been reading books that I don't like nor enjoy just for the sake of sticking to one of my very few good habits, and I am climbing walls in order to be the one who translates the whole thing into Arabic (fingers crossed, because things are not promising at all in this anti-intellectual environment).

I have not been interpreting any conferences lately because there is not any during Ramadan, and I have not missed any part of it except for the momentous sense of glory when translated words stream from my mouth as if they were my very own discourse, besides that I have actually enjoyed the solitude in the office and translating files all alone.

Nafnf and I are evolving, right in the moment when I thought that there was not to learn, life stunned me with a pile of incidents that made me realize how little I know about being a team-player, and we are both getting there, and our unity -most of the time- is the thing that heals the vanity of all other things.

There are wars and massacres around us, as it had always been, but now, for the very first time it effected me, in the sense that I feel actual guilt for the mere idea of not being being under debris...It is becoming unbearable, and the obliviousness of the rest of the world is effecting my feeling towards my career.

 I am a Translator, it is my job to deliver messages between two languages, and in such times of conflict I feel obliged to translate articles, videos, tweets and photo captions for the "entire world" to know the truth of what is actually happening in say, Gaza, Syria or Iraq.

Yet, I started losing the motivation, and feeling that it all goes in vain, the world does not care, not about my translations but about the message they convey,,, we got used to death and injustice, and the other has lost interest.

It is not like I want to reach a final verdict about what the other feels or wants, but it is that things have reached a point where knowledge is worthless, because wither you know that a town is being slaughtered in Syria, or you don't, they are still being slaughtered anyway.

I will go read something now, but I promise you dear blog, that I will come around more often and document all phases of my life, the life of others and the bit that I can witness from the world.