Five Years!

So ,,,

Today was an amazing day. Recently all my university days are amazing because I have a clear intention to make them so , and of course because God is bringing great things my way all the time.

In this last year - my fifth year- I made a new friend, her name is Nusaibah. It does not feel that we have known each other only for this short time. It feels like we have been friends since for ever.

She is the kind of person who is a Gateway to many things beyond. She took me to the world of the Deanship -3amade- the place where I was never comfortable. Maybe because I was shy or simply too lazy to mingle with strangers who are different from the crowd. (Or at least they tend to be).

So today she FORCED me to sing infront of choir members. We were on the deanships stairs and she tricked me into starting to sing and then she brought them to listen. I was happy she did so. Its a great moment when your voice makes people smile, gaze , think and meditate. i have never tried giving those feelings to anybody because I have always sang alone or to soothe babies and make them sleep. I was not even sure that my voice had anything special.

But the choir guys (abd-rahman and noor) said that my voice shivers because it is not trained, but as soon as this isse is solved then I happen to have a good voice!!

I dont long to anything in this field, but I have only two thoughts.

One: It has taken me 5 years to get to the point where I am comfortable to sing infront of strangers! It took me long! Its a great soft simple experience , why was it soaked with so much complications? I dont know.

Two: I would like to sing one song on a stage before I die.

Just that , Peace.

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يا رفيقي العزيز،"

أنا أعترف بأني حرضتكَ على المضي معي إلى الأمام

، ومازلت أحرضكَ من دون أدنى فكرة عن مآلنا،

أو ما إذا كان علينا أن نكون ظافرَيْن

،أو خاضعَيْن تماماً ومنهزمَيْن".

والت وايتمان

I cant guarantee anything for anyone, but we can only go forward and hope for the best.

Bob Marley's Quote

I translated this card to my facebook friends. As always , I got the depressing likes but not the conversation that I always long for.

تقولين أنك تحبين المطر و لكنك تحتمين بمظلة عندما تمطر. تقولين أنك تحبين الشمس و لكنك تبحثين عن الظل عندما تشرق. تقولين أنك تحبين الريح و لكنك تغلقين النوافذ عندما تهبّ. لهذا أخاف عندما تقولين أنك تحبينني .

بوب مارلي

Oh Dear Revolution

This song is so inspirational , yet it gives me a very troubling feeling.

When she mentioned the revolutions of 77 and 69 I just felt sorry for my generation. Revolution was sacred and clean. Now every person who takes part in a revolution is immediately called a betrayer who is trying to ruin and destroy his own country.

Its systematically designed to use Media and effect the public opinion, poising peoples thoughts against all revolutionists , that at some point the revolutionist himself would wonder: Am I ACTUALLY betraying my country?

Adele ... Are you becoming one of ''Them''?

This picture troubled me. Is she gonna look like everyone else?

I mean, am happy that she is becoming healthier - as being fat is not the healthiest of things- but it is worrying to see her pause just like the others. There is something missing ,,, Efffft ,,, I feel abandoned

Realizing

I was raised by the wolves I guess. I dont go through ''actual'' tormenting and impulsive feelings. Everything I feel is negotiable. I cant be sure if I am actually sad nor mad or even offended. I have a huge amount of carelessness and very wide imagination , I can always imagine what things would be like if other things were different ,,, you know , I can imagine other scenarios so I dont feel things strongly ,,, they might simply be something else.

And so I thought of you. I thought maybe I was not that in love. Maybe I was not that attached. Maybe its just a phase. I almost got to believe that it eventually evaporated and ended.

But today I saw a person playing with a letter as he pronounced it just the way you do, and I remembered you.

And I saw a person sticking his hands in his pockets and then lifting the pockets up as yoy used to do and I remembered you.

It is not that you only crossed my mind then , no , it is that your existence was reincarnated with a simple detail that's attached in my mind to you.

Death is so hard ,,,, so hard for the mortal insignificant human beings who cant understand it nor endure it ,,, it crushes my soul every single day ,,, I miss you

The things that go out of fashion

Dr Ibraheem Al Fakeeh was a trend for a while. People talked about him a lot , they bought his books and watched his video and turned him into an actual headache. Then as usual -and as people tend to be mostly- they forgot him and they moved towards other trends.

He is a man of knowledge, he is no fashion style nor make up trade mark . Knowledge does not go out of style , but the world today has turned into a consuming contest and this man was consumed.

Today he died. A very painful and sad death. Sadly his death reminded me of him after all this time,,, I searched his videos and this short video filled me with hope and the usual guilt of not working hard enough. It also made me feel Ok about his death. At least he has lived, he has changed lives and thats what really matters.

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I am not illiterate anymore ... I can READ :)

Your Constant Pain

I know that no pain is constant ,,,

I know that human beings tend to forget at some point. But I miss you ...

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

Its driving me .... Well , it is not driving me anything , because I know its fate and fate is God word and I can never be mad at Gods word.

But I miss you ,,,

I just wish , from the bottom of my heart , from the depth of each particle of me that I could see your face one more time ,,,

I wish I could sit there and listen to you while you crack jokes and laugh ,,, Oh , your laughter in my ears ,,,

I wish I could touch your face and tell you how much I miss you

I miss you

بورتريه الأسف

و وجهك يثير الأسف. عندما أدقّق في تفاصيله و أرى زاوية فمك المتواطئة مع حاجبك المائل، وكأنك في حالة تشكيك دائمة بكل ما تراه. و كذلك الأخدود الرقيق الذي تتركه نظارتك في مساحة صدغك التي تصل عينيك بأذنيك.. هذا الأخدود الذي يحمرّ و يبيضّ تِبعاً لمدى انهماكك في الأشياء - في التفكير، الدراسة، العمل ، الضحك، أو الصمت- و لكن أكثر ما يثير الأسف في وجهك، هو ابتسامتك الفاترة المسالمة. ابتسامتك التي توحي برجل ما عاد بإمكانه أن يُدهَش. توحي برجلٍ رأى كلّ شيء... بما في ذلك أنا.

جزء من نص طويل بعنوان

"حداد يليق بالفقيد"

- المشهد الثالث -

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Its amazing how some deep eyes belong to some shallow people. ~7ekmetak ya rabb~

Without My Oud

Today was my first day of classes and as our Oud course ended on Thursday , today was my first day to go out with my Oud since 21 days.

It actually felt weird without it!! People used to stare a lot when I held with me , but I reached the point where I could totally forget about the entire population staring at me and just feel the happiness of having him on my side or on my shoulder.

Today I walked without him and I missed him a lot. I kept touching my hard finger tip , the finger tip where I lost all feeling because of practising and pressing on the strings. I kept telling myself that if I dont practice enough then my finger tip would go soft again.

When I got home , the first thing I did was going to my room and hugging him. Then I took of his leather bag and I practised and practised. I played a song for Haleem and it felt awesome.

I know how freaky this sounds , but I love him I love him I wanna scream