Sunday, November 30, 2008
I am listening to this song in my office...am not working these days.. no work ..
I am thinking
I was in bruce's room.. watching Amman through the window and thinking to myself: Maybe I fell in love with the glory fo this city that its hard for me to love REAL people.. do you think so?
I reached a point where I believed that Love is a one side process..
Its where I live with my fantasies and soft songs , and where I thank God that I didnt run into you not even once today ...
God has a plan .. He knows that my eyes were too lucid today , that If you had seen them then you would have read your name inside them . You are stupid and this is why I mainly hate you ...
Its stupid that a person gets a one in a lifetime opprtuinty to be cherished, loved , observed , immortalized and treated as if he was a "Living Miracle" and still gets the guts to lose it.
Today I did some more fotos printing .. I print you whenever your stupidity hits me ...
I hate you
Saturday, November 29, 2008
This tha "Arabic Wall"...
Every language has its own wall in my room , and this is the wall I started ages ago when I spoke nothing but Arabic. The white pages above the grey cartoon is the entire poem "Balkees" written by Nizar Qabbani for the memory of his wife Balkees.
The pages under the cartoon is another poem of Nizars called :
منشورات فدائية على جدران اسرائيل
I consider both poems ones of the finest pieces of poetry written in modern time. In the high right corner you can see my name written in katakana ... They wrote it for me last year in the Japanese cultural week that was held in JU.
How fast does time pass us by!! It was yesterday when I was complaining that my name in "Japanese" was so stupid and simple. I kept pointing my finger to the kanji syllables that were displayed in the background, I kept asking "Why does not my name look like these?!!". They tried to make me understand that its a different thing but I did not feel like understanding ... Maybe I Felt like falling in love and so : I OFFICIALLY Fell ...
This video shows the fuss we were making around the japanese dudes who were helping us write our names .>>>> God we had so much fun . Its been a year and I can still recall all the details ( looks like the 128 mb are expanding .. hehe)
The second part of the arabic wall: The four papers attached with clamps are my spanish courses certificates from El Instituto Cervantes - Amman . I have got a "Sobresaliente" (stands for: outstanding) in 3 of them and one "Notable" (stands for: very good). You can see the program of the last world cup and the simple drawing of a circassian male and female dancers( They break my heart .. they are so beautifull ..).
The third part of the arabic wall: Map of Spanish-speaking countries (They are almost 25 countries with the population of 400 million native speakers: america latina except for brasil , america media , 15% of U.S.A habitants , Guinea ecuatorial in Africa and Philipins in Asia)(not to mention my friends and I in Jordan...loooooool). A poem written by martyr iraqi president Saddam Hussien (If you dont agree with me that he is a martyr then you are stupid... hehe) and a painting I drew with my friend Dana in the painting exhibtion that was held in JU when we were Fresh Freshmen (or women ..lool).
The fourth part: high left corner>>> A poem by Robert frost "The Road Not Taken"...That was the first thing we studied in the Anthology class back when we were 11th graders. We had A fresh new teacher, Her name was Manar .. and so she was . One of the persons who lit up my way and made me believe in my potentials.
Great poem with a great teacher
A detiled map of my dearest España. A world map and the poem that Julia Stiles recited in the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You" . Everytime I watch the video I get tears in my eyes. God bless Heth Ledger >>and Julia as well.
A closer look on my World Map : Three Thick lines heading toward the second destinations:
Amman - Madrid
Amman - Tokyo
Amman - Moscow
Ever noticed that the word destination ends with a "nation"?
The last part of tha Arabic wall: A detailed map of Palestine (I insist: PALESTINE you idiots). A picture of Mr president Saddam Hussein .. May God bless his soul and may us see him in Allahs paradise. A picture of 6 year old EvaLuna wearing a white dress , in that day my father decorated the car and we hit the streets of Amman acting like we were in a real wedding ... loool... smart thing my father did coz I dont see a REAL wedding coming.
This is my childhood desk.. It has my elder books and my actual rubbish ... HeHe
More books put above the socks drawer. This Tablelamp was a gift from a nice friend who was worried about my candles disease. A year and a half has passed and am still planning to buy a bulb : )
Yep... You are not mistaken: This is the back of my room's door. Back in tawjihi days I turned it to a white board... Now I use it to write down the things I am afraid to forget and its where I do simple mathmatical equations (I still use my fingers for addition...lool).
My closet's door covered with transprancies and turned into another whiteboard dedicated for new vocabulary. In this picture we can see the vocabulary of Japanese last week's lesson. I can sing them for you now because I am revising all the time.
I dont open the closet pretty much because I put all the clothes that I ACTUALLY wear on the hanger.To tell the truth I dont change that much ... I just feel bad for others for having to see the same colors 5 times a week and this is why I play a little bit with my clothes :)
My table with my books, notebooks , copies of Quran, water bottels and rubbish:) I hardly find a bit of space to write.
Thats why I write sitting on my bed. I do all kinds of activities here ... read , write , contemplate , gaze at the ceiling , bit my nails , read poetry books that are situated on the top of the bed and burn candels and rubbish. But I dont sleep here ... It doesnt relax me ... I feel distant from Earth and this bothers me.
My Rocking Chair and my Oud . CRA ( stands for : Contemplating Restricted Area)
My Chair's name is: ترنيمة الريحان
My Oud's name is : جارا أورورا
The only one who has the right to make sounds in my room is my dearest radio.
My Japanese book , notebook and shukudai (homework)
Obviously I have not done it yet ... bad student :)
This is where I sleep : close to earth , hugging my Tweety and hardly waiting for tomorrow to come.
تصبحون على خير
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Check this out
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Its killing me that we are that weak...
Everytime our eyes meet we act like we have seen nothing. I am not sure about you.. It can be true that you have seen nothing , but for me : NO ... I have seen something that I am too coward to declare.
This is a very sad one ... Its so lonely ... I dont know why its among the Haiku pictures but I loved it (or her).
Monday, November 24, 2008
My mind keeps going in the same circle and I am trying to prevent myself but I just feel bad..
It has been along time since I last felt bad so its a good thing for a change but I am worried too..
Am worried I might lose you ... I dont know why but it scares me everytime you turn your back..
Unbelievably stupid ... stupid that I cant write more
EvaLUna feeling bad
10:31 por la noche
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I bought her from a shop close to the universitys northen gate ... The shops name is "Cadeou" (here you go: a free comercial ...lool). I have seen it there long time ago and thought "Mmm.. I love this one and am gonna buy her" but I dont know why always something happens when I head toward the shop to get it. Last Thursday I didnt have enough money to take the bus home but still: I went and bought her. My friends were making the well known "Cadeou Fuss" when they start touching everything and yelling: cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute .. ohhh i lovee this... but they buy nothing at the end because its a little bit expensive.
I took the plastic bag and went outside. As I was observing the shop I felt what a painful place it is!! funny hah? but yeah places can be painful too . Its a shop that can make you feel bad if you dont have loved ones. ... I dont even wanna talk about it.
Now... this swing is my remedy.
When Everything looks illogical I look at it and I think that someone who has not seen the first 4 balls will not understand why the last ball is moving. There is always a hidden part in the picture .. a part that we are suppozed to explore.
And each time I look at it I feel tenderness in my heart...I feel that God is too close to me that he is patting my head... I watch the balls moving so hard but still: they cant get out of the track, And so do I , I will try my hardest on everything but I know deep inside that Allah has picked the best track for me... I know HE is protecting me all the time therefor I have nothing to worry about.
I love You God ... I love You .. dont give up on me for am never going to give up on You.
View from car window - Jerash
Wires are always scratching the surface of the clouds!!
This is the Almond tree where my uncle Mohammad (6 months elder than me) aunt Maymona (two years elder than me) used to hang our swing ... generations and generations of swings were tied, cut ,recut and retied on this branch....
My father picking lemon climbing the stairs of the ladder. He is always picked to do these duties because he is considered the tallest.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
to describe the things I am gonna show you, and for those who cant read arabic it means "the random tiny tunnels that a hen makes with its feet while searching for worms and things to eat".
And so these are Kharabeesh Eljaj that I saw in Al-Hussein cultural center yesterday:
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Those stairs are so suitable for a Cinderlle losing her shoe ... God !! I came back home with my two shoes on :'-(
I guess this is an enterance to the theatre in the center .. but the designer reached his goal of making it look old.
3 Hours ago I attended the last Haiku session that was held in El-Hussein Cultural Center in Ras El-Ain.
It was my first time in Al-Hussien center, its so luxurious and neat!!
I attended the session with my father who sat next to me and was so thrilled to be using the instant translation device. He made me laugh several times when he was making comments and did not realize that his voice was loud, my poor daddy is not used to using earphones..loool.
Koko Kato sensei talked about Haiku poetry and read some examples, but unfortuantely did not make us recite the verses with her. The audience asked her a bunch of questions and el sensei was translating .. he made us laugh everytime he mixed the three languages together in the same sentence. And oh... the sensei should comb his hair more often, its surprising how he looked today!!
And my father was like: "Where is your sensei?" i pointed at him and my father was like: "Is he a japanese dude? he looks like one for me"... am not gonna get through it again , I was bored of explaining this tiny bit of information for the billionth time this week :).
When the session reached its end I stepped to the front of the room to say good bye to kato sensei. She was talking to men in black suits (they give me a bad feeling always) and when the vanished I came next her and said: "I came to say good bye ... its been a pleasure meeting you and I hope that one day I will visit you in Japan" and all of a sudden she gave me that HUGE HUG... I always knew that japanese people dont like touching others and if a japanese doesnt start a hug then dont start it by yourself , but as she hugged me I hugged her back strongly.
I really loved kato sensei .. she has that worm smile and depth of knowledge that makes it so hard to say good bye and consider that we might never meet again!!
Thank you a lot Kato sensei ... I will never forget you ... May God bless you and lighten your heart and mind as you lightened mine.
Arrigatou for Sakamoto san , Midori san , Kekuchi san , Dima san , Tamra san Y Sandra san for making those days an unforgattable memory for myslef.
Sakamoto san , Kato san and myself - picture taken be the sensei (God am so damn fat!!)
Oh My God
She is extreme beauty!!
(I am not so sure that its her picture but I stole this picture from my sensei blog).loooooool
So this is how our love story satrted: We are in the Haiku final lecture and I had to change my chair to set close to Tamara san who was by that time writing her Haiku. The sensei was sitting right infront of us and all of a sudden he broke my heart: He put her on the table and she leant a little bit to the front then she stood still... her lens was looking at me .. almost smiling to me (am not stupid , but she was so damn smiling) and something in my heart sparkled.
I leant toward the sensei, I told him : "Can I take a picture of the camera?" he misheard me.. he thought I said: "can I take a picture with the camera?" and so he stood up and gave her to me !!!!
Oh My Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
She was so lovely .. even cuddly... I really really cant describe what she made me feel, am not professional but the flash part is just like a neck and she was leaning at me like a tiny smart baby.
Oh My God ... what have I done to myself??!! Now no existing camera would satisfy me except for her..
It feels magical when you hit the button and she starts making those funny voices , and you believe that now she is making your moment immortal !! She has that perfect weight where you feel Like you are holding a very precious thing but still light and sweet.
The truth is that she offers something that digital cameras cant offer , which is "face covering"... it feels so warm back there ... its just like pressing your cheeks toward the cheeks of a fresh born baby... it covers your face that you cant see anyone and so "you live your moment as you should".
God how much I appreciate those lonely moments I spent behind her lens ...
I used to think that my sensei is a freak because he is talking about her all the time that I have thought" If a Canon camera is a woman then he would ccertainly marry her!!" but now i see what he saw...
Oh sensei ... If you get to read this page I just wanna thank you from the depth of my heart for letting me lay my hands on her...
I have to go ... byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee