My little sins were always discovered in such events.
Today she decided to clean up the ruins of my library -and here it is not a metaphor , they are actually all my books that were left without shelter as she gave away the closet to my brothers house- and as always I felt that uneasiness towards the whole thing.
I felt totally naked while my Mom, aunt , brother and sister in law were arranging the books , because each page had in it a peace of paper that has things that I wrote many many years ago , or tree leaves and things that mean -or used to mean- something only to me , and would absolutely look ridiculous to anyone besides me.
In the midst of all that mess I found the file where I kept Ahmad's letters. I saved the file and left the scene because as I have this file then nothing else matters.
Ahmad was my first love. I dont know anything about him now , and he has changed in my perspective now that he is not a person anymore, he is more of a symbol to my enlightment.
I stopped loving him a long long time ago , but his letters were filled with wisdom , philosophy and literature and every time I read them I see something new in them. Mostly I see what he saw in me meanwhile I was a 15 years old distracted teenager.
For what its worth, I dont recall ever having a solid and durable feeling as this one. This gratitude to this guy who came into my life for 5 simple months and transformed me from a close minded child to a young lady with so much potential.
For what its worth ,,,, I wanna say: Thank you :)