I am actually writing this post after crying in the shower for an hour - never did that before- and now the words look innocent in the page as if they are telling any other normal story.
This is just pointless ,,, this is really sadder.
I was talking to my Mom and she was making some real questions about ''his'' situation and I ran out of answers. She was trying to convince me that its no big deal so I started yelling and asking her not to say that and things got out of my hand and I started crying and then I saw my aunt entering our front yard so I was like: We always have company , we dont even have the time to fight ,,, and I went to the shower and started crying.
I was so sad , hopeless , helpless but relieved , I always had hard time trying to cry ,,, I dont cry and when I do my tears fall cold!! this time they had little heat in them and I thought to myslef: Ok , maybe I started feeling things normally!!
It was not only about him , its about a rare weakness that I feel when I crave something and cant get it because I am too well raised to ask for it. I can write a thousand words blog entry but never get to describe those minutes under the cold water of our shower.