When somebody dies a whole set of technology stops being useful. His email , his facebook account , and mostly his phone number. You may call all you want and his voice wont come from the other end ,,, his worried wavy voice is never gonna be repeated through your skull giving you that infinite sense of peace. And when you see the little nice neat envelope in the top corner of your mobile , it cant be a message of 160 letters charged with his energy and ''existence''.
When a person dies you lament ,,,, lament all the vocabulary you saved for a later conversation
You Lament all the things you did not say , all the discussions that you did not have , all the ideas in which you did not elaborate ,,, all the thoughts you kept for yourself , all the confessions you did not make , all the messages you did not send ,all the late at night calls that you did not make ,,, and all the jokes you did not crack ,,, God if only I made you laugh one more time ...
When a person dies his voice dies. It echoes inside your head , inside your blood flow and a thing goes thumping through you memory trying to hold to the voice ,,, because if its gone then it wont be heard again. Oh , the voice , the voice , the vehicle of all the words , when it dies it takes the happiness and the misery of language with it.
When a person dies he cant say anything any more. All that he was destined to say had been said , and therefore ha may not tell me something ''new''. And when a person dies all his pictures are ''all his pictures'' because he cant make any new ones. You come to the conclusion that all his ''traces'' are already with you ,,, you may not stumble with a new trace later on.
When a person dies his smell leaves. You cant feel him in the air.
And -Oh God- when a person dies you cant feel the heat of his body in the rooms he enters. That huge aura of heat that made me turn around each time he entered a room I was in. He is far , cold , remote , distant and not knowing.
When a person dies the whole world should stop for a moment. It should!
It should look at itself without him and miss him ,,, God , it should miss him as much as I already miss him.
The crowds in the morning of people going to work , you wont be among them. And all the people on bus stops , cafeterias lines , traffic lights and coffee kiosks ,,, You are not one of them .
When a person dies he stops existing ,,, you dont get to see him again and you miss him ,,, you miss him you miss him it crushes your soul. The way he used to roll his eyes, the way he used to put a palm on the corner of his mouth to cover a mischievous smile , the way he used to smile ... its all gone, unrepeated and not saved ,,, its all gone.
When a person dies a part of you dies , he takes with him all the moments you shared , all the things you said , and all the times your eyes met ,,, he takes everything with him , to the place where no body has ever came back to tell us about.
When a person dies the world feels so huge ,,, streets are extra long , and the colors ,, Oh the colors of everything fade into shades of grey ,,,, songs pass you by and the words do not actually penetrate your ''linguistic" zone ,,, all the voices are just noise and all types of human communication are a distraction. A distraction from the only thing you want to do.
The only thing you want to do : is cry.