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Does it say in your Human Resources file if you

are the type of person who puts back the cover

on the toothpaste tube after using it?

... If it does not mention that then maybe

no one ''actually'' knows you.

I have not been Mad In a Long Time

I dont get mad. Maybe I use the words ''Mad'' , ''Pissed off'' or ''annoyed'' here in the blog but actually I am a person who does not get mad.

Why? Because I dont take life seriously. This is the only thing that would make me ''really'' mad , to find that I take life as if it was a battle that I bother about winning.

But recently I noticed myself being mad , and it came so strong last night in class.

It has happened in my class since for ever that one of my students say something in a very very low voice and then his friend bursts into laughing that his face goes purple!!!

It did not bother me a lot ,I was curious of course , but not mad. Yesterday , boy number 1 said something and the other one crackeddddddddd and I felt the huge urge to kick both of their sorry culos a la calle!!!

God!! How unpleasant it is to be mad!!! It makes you vulnerable!!!

Its that its the same boy each time!! The same boy who pisses me off , he pisses me off he pisses me off ,,, sometimes I feel like stuffing my fingers inside his eyes!!!

(This is so creepy!! Although I heard many educators through out the years whining about ''a boy'' in class that drives them crazy , but I never thought that this would happen to me!! I teach a class of 26 years old!! I am not a kindergarten teacher!!)

But yet the same boy -out of nowhere- says: Why did I waste all that time not studying Spanish? ,,, and I go -inside my head- : Thats so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!

God I hate him I hate him he puts me on the edge each time , an then he says something nice ,,, so I hate him ,,,

Ps: But , I ADORE being a Teacher.

Major Fight with The Only Mom I Have

Yesterday I had a fight with Mom. Why am I blogging about that? Because it was yesterday!!! Two days ,,, I have not had a fight with her that lasts two days since FOR EVER!!

I remember the days when I was a teenager,,, We used to fight all the time,, I used to openly hate her , everyone knew it. I always had the image inside my head that she is the thing , the only things that forbids me from having a normal life just like everyone else.

Later on I got her. I stopped opposing her , I knew that she is so wise and she foresees things , and I understood that she has a hard style. Thats it ,,, I knew that she loves me , and I was able to love her ,,, even trust her with things , and be proud of her ,,, Entirely!

But there was a thing that we never managed to work out. Its her sense of superiority...I think it runs in the family , Grandpa has it , all my uncles have it. My students - Spanish students- were students of my uncle and they hated him for the same reason.

Her sense of superiority comes from her astonishing talent of doing things PERFECT. So when she looks around to the world and sees how imperfect it is it just disgusts her. This disgusting world includes me , my brother and simply everything.

I always had the nerves to put up with her. You know , she would criticize EVERYTHING I do ,,, she would make me unsatisfied about anything I do and I would just smile to her , or let it pass gently.

What happened yesterday was so simple , but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

She asked me to peel eggplants and fry them. I did not do it right(yeah, I am that retarded) , and she got into her monologue: ''you are not any good for anything ,,, you don't know the first thing about cooking... you dont do anything with enough care,,,, if you only care to look or listen while I show you , you would have got something ,,,, you are a disgrace ,,, I don't know why I never managed to get anything into your thick skulls you and your brother'' ...

This happens everyday , everyday for the last 22 years , but yesterday I did not find it in my heart to consent. I was just fed up. I am not a child any more, I don't want to be yelled out for eggplants issues!!

I am acting out in the stupidest of all ways: I isolated myself. I don't talk to her , I don't offer any kind of help , I dont make eye contact of any level and I am just sitting inside my head.

I am not perfect , do I have to apologize for that? Why , why why she cant see not in the most far hypothetical situation that she might be wrong? why?

She is my Mom , its rude to tell her whats right and wrong , but What happens when I run out of my human power of enduring her crushing me.

What happens now? My poor Dad trys to talk us into talking to each other, but he is just making it worse ...

I dont know what to say more ,,, I hate being in this position , its sinful , God is mad of course , and I love her and I understand her health condition ,,,, she must not be annoyed for her diabetes and her high blood pressure , but Walla it is not me who misses those up!!!

Ya Rabb

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Por un momento de mi vida -aunque sea corto- he estado

segura de que estoy feliz del todo ,,

, Felicidad pura , completa , profunda y verdadera ,,,

Todo gracias a una ciudad singular que se llama Granada

My Baby ....

Today I bought the Grand Arabic Spanish Dictionary for my Translation work.

This is the big book that I will be holding in my arms for the coming 13 months at least.

I will be hopping from a bus to another holding it , and I think its gonna be the only thing I can read during the ride.

I feel as if am committing to something ,,, It scares me , but as I love Spanish infinitely I go ahead with my heart full with courage.

El Español es mi vida =)

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I Love Rajab Ardogan , not because Turkey kicked out the Zionist ambassador and not because

of its infinite support to Gaza. Those things are examples of the actual human conscious. I love

him ,because he sits example for a Real Muslim Leader, the leader who does not steal , does

not lie for votes and gets in the game of politics with the least coincidences possible.

A thought ....

Maybe not THAT awkward after all!

To Save the Egyptian Revolution

I liked this article.

http://www.almadenahnews.com/newss/news.php?c=538&id=104378

Ya Rabb Save the Egyptian Revolution ,,,, We believed in it , It was the first thing that I thought to be conspiracy-theory-free since for ever. I believe it was the people fighting for what they need , want and crave.

But I did not really consider what would happen later when the romantic phase ends.

What will happen? What?

I will kiss you while the movie plays heheheheh

I have known my friends -and here I mean the closest circle of friends I have- 4 years ago. Throughout all those years we tried to pick a movie and just GO TO IT!! It never worked!! But today Aliet had to do some repression and decide for us , heheheeh ,,That worked really fine!!

We went to Al Barake Mall and watched the 8th and last movie of Harry Potter. Funny Fact: I have never watched , nor read any of the other 7 parts (Ok , I once watched one movie in Spain and I understood totally nothing) but in spite of me not understanding anything, I cracked in laughter for 2 hours straight!!

I dont know why,,, Maybe because the movie is too weird , and because they say very comliated things in a very serious tone that makes me go like: Be 3arth o5tak?!!! And being with Sara in the movies for the first time ever was sooooo good , we laughed our brains out.

3D glasses are yuck!!! I thought they are gonna be cooler ,,, There were little tiny tiny moments when I actually felt that things were flying from the screen to my face , but the rest of the time I had a headache.

Did I ever mention that I hate west amman? I do ,,, I feel like I need to have my passport on me as to go to that part of the city. People are weird and they talk to their children in English!!! (I just blog in English , curse in Spanish and SPEAK all the rest in Arabic) What is so wrong with people , did I say people? I meant BeoBle !!! Hahahahahah

After wards I walked sara back to university street and felt the funny funny feeling of finally being home .... Ayyyyy , I love those simple days , I just think that 5 years ago all of that was just a fantasy and now Its my Life :))))

As Real as It gets

Today we had our first meeting as a translation team.

Who are we? Well , I got a job , a freelancing translating job from Arabic to Spanish.

I went to the meeting with my heart pounding. I was afraid , this is gonna be the first time in which my Spanish is put on stake on a translation job. But I met my friend Dr Moayad on the way and he eased me into the idea. He is some kind of a Translation Idol for me , and when I saw that he was so enthusiastic I felt better and went to the meeting with high hopes.

It might be right what they say , that when you fear something it gives you pleasure afterwards!!

I am looking forward to it ,,, The first phase of our project is 13 months , in which I am suppozed to translate One Thousand Pages :))))))))))

We are meeting up soon to start translating and talk about details , but I decided that am gonna go on till the end , and do whatever it takes to make this happen.

God!! I already feel like a grown up!!!

Majed El mohandes: A song that takes me away ,, or close?

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Mírame con la mirada de un lobo ,,,,

Con los ojos entornados

y con el corazón alerto

Jordan Wins :)))

Jordan Won :))))))) Jordan won 2-1 in its game with China ,,,, Walla its great to see the lights of Amman international Stadium illuminating our entire neighbourhood

I love this man

Broken Icon that Breaks My Heart

I see my friend going with bald steps towards love , and although I am dying to meet the guy , get to know what he has that makes her happy but I think I will pass.

It might be a little selfish or egocentric, but I always get involved. The guy is gonna become my friend , we will talk about stuff , we will laugh about other stuff and afterwards if -only ''if'' in Gods omniscient knowledge- things dont work out between him and my friend , I will be hurt in the trickiest of all ways.

When a guy and a girl break up , there is an international handbook for their feelings. For the things they might feel , and the things that its ok for them to say and do. But nobody says anything about the custody of common friends!!

I remember in ''How I met Your Mother'' when Lily broke up with Marshal , and then they got back together , Ted told her that when she walked out on Marshal she walked out on Ted too , this is why he requested an apology.

This has happened once before, and I get too weird around my friend's Ex!! I dont seem to be able to pick the adequate topics , and I am always afraid to bring something up that would remind him of her. I dont even know If I am myself a sad memory from the days when he used to love her ....

I know this blog entry is so confusing , but I am trying to draw a line -not so thick though- between me and the new guy until the horizon brightens up a little.

Ya Rab Pick whats best for us all.

Never thought that this would feel so GREAT!!!

Today I had a moment in class that has surprised me deeply.

It was nothing actually, but one of my students formed this sentence: ''La lista de guardia está pegada en la pared''. Which is Spanish for: The list of guard duty is stuck on the wall.

And I felt so good!! So So So good!!! I have heard many teachers before say how good they feel when their students actually Get The Lesson , but I did not imagine that it would feel that great!!!

I dont usually tell them how proud I am of them ... I dont because I believe that learners have to feel bad about themselves ALL THE TIME in order for them to work harder. But here , in the intimacy of my blog I just say it: My boys are growing up!! They are speaking Spanish already :))))

A page from my paper Diary

Zebra Is Back On Town!!!!!

I love those pens!!! I used to write with them all the time when I was at school. Although I had separate pens by then , Pens for school and other pens for ''my diaries and my things''.

I always thought that pens have lives of their own and it would annoy them to be used to write down high school crap.

We were reunited after many years of searching in Al Ameryya store while I was buying my students El Libro de los Verbos Españoles.

Haaaaaaaaaa I love my life!!

Albalad: My Happy Place

Today I went to Albalad with my friends. It was great as always. We did the things that we normally do , and we took a lot of pictures. How come Alablad always feels good?

Today I noticed that Albalad has grown with me through all my phases. It was as perfect as childhood when I was a child. It was as perfect as a novel when I was a literature geek, and it perfect as the face of patriotism as home is all I crave now.

Today I saw Abu 3ali , the owner of the books kiosk , I talked to him as I used to do long long time ago. I reminded him of myself and he remembered me , and I asked him about my great great and favourite palestinian writer Ibrahim Nasralla and he gave me his phone number!!

I dont know what I am gonna do with his phone number. Is is possible that at some point I will have the guts to call him and tell him: Palestine means to me exactly what you wrote in your novel , nothing more and nothing less, and thanks for framing our national pain in the frame of a book? Is that possible?

I accidentaly ran through my childhood friend Dana , the friend that I have been trying to meet for the last two years and actually planned to meet her this very Monday. I was so happy ,,,, purely and originally happy ,,,, I hugged a true friend and this is a true gift from Allah.

I love walking around with Aliet and Rashati ,,, they help me overcome my silly ''people disease'' ,, they take me into crowded places , they mingle with strangers , they make the world look familiar.

I love my life ,,, Alhamdulillah

It could have been anyone at all ...

I cant believe that this is happening to me ....

For the first time in years something looks at me in the face and it takes me all that time to notice it...

I notice EVERYTHING!! How did THAT slip by me?!

It could have been anyone at all

I am Glad its you ,,,,,

In Spite of all that , I feel -like I have always felt- that good things come to my life to stay , but GREAT things only pass me by and they keep walking ,,,,

I pray that my fate will change , only this time ,,,, Oh God ,,, Listen to my prayers and lead me on the way

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Under my Umbrella I saw the sun but it did not burn

I heard the rain but I did not get wet

And I believed that in some magical way

If I jump It would make me fly ...

I did not fly , and my umbrella did not fit in my suitcase


España - Granada -Salobreña Octubre 2009