I Know: Its childish

I have just lost my chance to participate in the Haiku contest of this year because I delivered my presentation 1 day later that the deadline.

This has been my trend throughout my entire life... I do my work in the last moment ... I do it with imaginary speed and sudden dedication and I always get to manage, this time it did not work. Other ten participants booked their places and am not one of them. I deserve it . God knows how much I deserve it.

Although I understand why I lost my place but for my own surprise: I am sad.

Its one of those wierd sensations that you dont know you have untill they break in your eyes in the shape of tears. I did not know that it mattered to me (If It matters then why not JUST DO IT GOD DAMN IT!!!!) until I lost it.

Its funny that I went to my offices window and instead of enjoying my jordanian ohanami (viewing almond flowers) I dwelt with the idea that I did not grow up .. not a tiny little bit..

I did not.