Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Blogging Via Galaxy Note

I have always thought of blogging as a reflection moment, in which I get to think more about events,  moments, experiences and even songs and poems.

This is why I never believed in instant blogging, I always thought that it is not a mere act of "telling" but rather a pause to think, but after my masters year and the very few posts l managed to write throughout the year made me reconsider my blogging style.

As I am travelling soon my brother got me this very cool galaxy note ..I believe it is a turning point fr my reading behaviour, my level in Turkish and my blogging. 

Cross your fingers 

New Banner

Always new tracks, and always new destinations

My Voiceless Body




If I had heard this song a year ago I wouldn't have thought about it, not even for a moment. A while before now, I did not realize my body ...

Do you know how complicated that is? You think that you feel it and that you understand it, but then comes a moment when you realize that maybe your body has been voiceless ever since its formation started back in your mother's womb!

Maybe I had to be drastically in love to be able to appreciate such words, how simply she described her imperfect body, and how she listed in a neat human way what he can do with her body without sounding slutty at all.

She sounded in love, all proud and  arrogant but also willing to "entregar" herself to him.

Entregar has a couple of English translations but I did not like any of them, things like submitting and surrendering  and that was not what Rozalen talked about.

It is a vague carnal call that your body sends out for no specific reason, and with no sexual squeal in it... Just a signal, that I miss you know, and I would cross oceans just to pass my hand on your forehead, to leave my palm in yours or to press my shoulder on your shoulder and feel the heat.

Thanks to the one who gave my body a voice. And Thanks to Rozalen "Para los Dos"  

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Us





Rasha brought us those cute bracelets from Turkey. I dont know how Rasha pays attention to the things that she pays attention to, but she thinks of me better than I think of myself.

Anyhow, we were sitting in the library and I showed them to him, and he was so excited, and he asked to put his on for him, and then he tied mine on. It is such a little thing you know, but it just meant too much for me... For some reason I thought that he would not want to put a read strap in his arm for any reason, but he just did it happily.

When I was young I never did those common things with my friends,,, Maybe I was never that close to anybody to do those cute-absurd things, but now, Life is different,,,, I cant say more ...

God I cant say more. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Word!



بينما مصر متحيرة بين فريقين كلاهما على علاقة جيدة بالولايات المتحدة وكلاهما ينوي الإبقاء على اتفاقية السلام مع إسرائيل وكلاهما لا مانع لديه من اعتقال خصومه السياسيين الجدد ولو كانوا حلفاءه القدامى، وبينما الضفة وغزة تنتظران إلى أين تميل الرياح المصرية والسورية، وبينما تقصف إسرائيل سوريا مجددا فيرد الجيش السوري على مواطنيه، وترد المعارضة السورية على مواطنيها كذلك ولا يرد أحد على إسرائيل...يخرج اليوم فتيان وفتيات فلسطين المحتلة عام ١٩٤٨، أقدمنا احتلالاً، وأولنا دفعاً لثمن التشرذم العربي، وأملنا الباقي للضغط على إسرائيل، الفتيان والفتيان الذين يهددون وجود إسرائيل بمحض وجودهم، يهددونها كلما أحبت فتاة منهم فتى وولد لهما ولدان أو أكثر، أقول يخرج هؤلاء لرفض مصادرة إسرائيل لأراضي أهلنا العرب في النقب...ربما لا يكون لهم جلال العدد المصري ولا جلال السلاح اللبناني، ولكنهم، على الأقل هذه الأيام، الوحيدون الذين يوجهون غضبهم إلى الجهة الصحيحة... الوحيدون الذين يعرفون، عدوك الأول، عدوك الأَولى هو الاحتلال، لا اخوك ولا ابن عمك وأن طالت بينكما المرارات.

تميم البرغوثي 

Oh Thank You!: Academic Nonsense


Look what I found! I really Loved this text, it alleviated old miseries of trying to read academic papers and feeling like a total dork! Thank you to whoever wrote this!   


There is no reason to become impressed or annoyed by the apparent complexity of this text, it
is not as difficult as it seems. All one has to bear in mind is that academic writers sometimes
have a tendency to make the same point twice, which often confuses the inexperienced
reader, who thinks that two different statements have been made and tries to figure out the
difference between them. Another obstacle is the use of elaborate phrases in stead of simple
statements. This is done to make the statement more precise, but sometimes it grows into a
bad habit.



A Fuenral in Theater: Nidal Saijary


Nidal Saijary died after a long struggle with cancer. A struggle that was so hurtful as we saw him lose his larynx and participate in his very last show totally mute!

It fills me with agony. Throughout those last years of the Syrian Revolution (if I may call it so) (because it got really confusing lately) we saw many actors pass away, we did not even tell how did they die, whether they had a normal death or if we lost them in explosions or if they were targeted by snipers or aerial bombardment.

We just did not know anything, they kept falling and now watching a Syrian series is like walking down memory lane, remembering all of those who died.

When I was looking at Nidal's funeral I loved the music, it reminded me of Semana Santa in Granada, the same musical instruments, but when I looked back I thought I was going to see a mosque, a church or a warship house, simply because I dont know what Nidal's religion was.

But there was none of that. There was the national theater of Latakia.
If I saw this a couple of months ago, I would have criticized it. I would have said things about the ends being dedicated to God and God only, I would have said that death is too serious to be taken in trips to theaters and where else.

But in those last months I learned something about how precious life is. Why have I always thought - or led to think - that not celebrating life is a religious sign of asceticism? Why did I believe that it is holy to put your life passions away when you think about the end? How superficial is that! The life that you have lived and the interests that you had are the mold that shapes your perspective towards life and death.

I have to admit, that If I ever have the Cafe' that I always wanted to have I would not want my funeral to leave from there. I am not that person, maybe not yet, but I now believe that If you gave your life to one thing then maybe your end must have something to do with it. Just like Nidal's dedication to acting and art and his final farewell from the national theater of his city.

Rest in Peace, and may Syria resuscitate from its ashes. Amen




Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Us



Today NafNaf came back from Haifa. He sent me a message while still on the Israeli borders and said that the trip is going to take more time than he expected. And then, out of no where I left my head while working in the library and there he was!!

He bought me launch and we were talking -as we did since for ever- about a specific Syrian series " ضيعة ضايعة" and I was like: Why dont we watch it now? (Ever since I got the mini laptop I get impulses of this type!) So we bought coffee and went to our balcony and watched the first episode.

It was so funny yet weird! we turned our balcony into a living room , how cute is that! 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

New Banner



Children of Cyber City's Refugee Camp Keep Paying the Tax of Being Palestinian.



Ps: This picture was taken while my colleague Doaa and I were making a multimedia package covering the situation of Palestinian Refugees who fled from Syria. I will dedicate a special blog entry about the visit and the journalistic outcome. 
I can now only say: It was a life time experience. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Technological Scares: Google Hangout For Example!




I remember the first time I tried Skype. I guess if I search back in this blog I could find an entry about how excited I was about the mere idea of being able to talk to people who are far far away, see them as well and having all of this for free.

It was huge, exciting and overwhelming. And now as I am writing these lines I am in a "Google" training workshop, to use Google tools for journalists, and they introduced us to Google Hangout.

When I saw the page's layout with my friends faces on it I got a technological scare.
That sudden feeling of coldness and nudity. Really ,,, each time I go a step further in the world of communication I feel that I am naked in front of strangers. Add to that the fact that Skype taught me that talking is overrated!!

Don't get me wrong, I am one of God's most talkative creatures, but still Skype taught me that there is a point where I actually freaking run out of topics!!

It has happened many times so far that I terribly miss someone whom I can simply talk to on Skype (Afifi for example) but it is always a hug burden.

Maybe, it has something to do with my "Blabbing attitude" at home. When I am at home I dont talk, and I cant blame it on my family, who make it really hard to communicate with the outer world when we are together, but it is just me.

Just me, my anti-social beast that is buried under the piles of  "Talkativisim" that I practice. 

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Facebook Status





في مثل هذا اليوم من عام 2005 أنهيت حفظ القرآن الكريم من الجلدة للجلدة. هسا بس حسيت اني كنت حافظة مش فاهمة. مشتاقة لربنا!!

#ردنا_إليك_غير_خزايا_ولا_محزونين
#يا_شمس_المساكين

Facebook Status





~عندما تقرأ كتاباً لكاتب مات، تقرأ ببطء. تخشى إن أنت أسرعت أن تعرف كل ما قاله فيموت بداخلك مرة أخرى~

جو النص: صباح مع مجموعة محمد طمليه القصصية.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Bruno Mars Way: Today I dont Fell Like Doing Anything





As I was shooting all week, and I crossed the entire city various times carrying the JVC camera and the tripod all time, today I was dead.

It was not actual pain in a specific point, but I just felt that the last vertebrae in my column were compressed, AND I was tired, really tired and a bit (well, not a bit) sad. So I did not get up.

I dont have classes on Wednesdays, yet I have never spent a single Wednesday at home. I always have something to do or people to hang out with, and spending a day at home is against my beliefs.
but today I stayed.

I got up finally at 3,30 just to pray, and if it was not for the prayer I would not have got up at all. 

When my Mom saw me I felt like I fell in the trap. First she was mad that I skipped class and we started the ''since for ever'' conversation of ''all mothers sympathize when their children are sick except for mine,....


This is an old draft!! I dont remember what I wanted to say, but this is the part I have ,,, so here it is!

Monday, April 8, 2013

A Song Surfacing on my Subconscious




I did not have any sleep. Neither good nor bad sleep, I was rolling all night.  I had a lot of work for today (that I am postponing until I finish this blog entry) and I was sad when I went to bed. Nostalgic is the word. I miss someone (and I am not gonna post the name so it wont hurt later when I re-read this) and it is not that I cant see him, he is right there in front of me but my heart has anger!! (God! I never thought that I would ever feel this! Anger in MY heart?! how did that even happen).

It is really confusing. How someone could split your own heart for you, a part of you misses him and the other part just sits there being as hostile and aggressive as possible! (Well , who am I kidding, I am socially retarded).

So, as I slept I had a dream of a song of Om Kalthoom, I could not remember the whole thing when I woke up, I only recalled 4 words of it so I googled them , and it turns out that the song goes like this:

خاصمتك بيني وبين روحي وصالحتك وخاصمتك تاني
واقول ابعد يصعب على روحي تطاوعني لا يزيد حرماني
حافضل احبك من غير ما اقلك ايه الي حير افكاري
لحد قلبكما يوم يدلك على هواي المداري
ولما يرحمني قلبك ويبان لعيني هواك
وتنادي ع اللى انشغل بك وروحي تسمع نداك

ارضى اشكي لك من نار حبــــــــــــــي وابقى احكي لك ع الي ف قلبــــــــــــي
واقلك ع الي سهرنـــــــي واقلك ع الي بكاني
واقول يا قلبي ليه تخبي وليه يا نفسي منعاني


My sub-conscious has its own ways I must say.


Gahhhhh .... I am just gonna go work now, Bye

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Doubt and Jealousy




 How can people live with the doubt? It is feeding on my soul. The other night I woke up at the middle of the night as the thought was puncturing the thin walls of my dreams that it woke me up.

I am sick ... physically and emotionally. I never experienced such a feeling. I never cared what is going between whoever, now I care and it hurts. The feeling of losing faith .... I waited so long until I could feel ''faith'' towards another human being, it was taken away from me so quickly that It makes me feel lonely and used.

For sure I know that I have not been cheated on, I am sure , and I am not even worried, but in spite of all the peace in my heart still the sight of this freaking woman makes me lose it ... I dont hate her, I feel sorry for her, I wish she could be happy somewhere else.

I wish that this world would end soon ,,, really , it gets complicated and there are no clear ends of the misery.

Ps: En la memoria de Señor Desveloso y la señora de las 4 niñas. Joder :)

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Semana Santa de Granada: Those Topics that Might Erupt

Today I posted this on my Facebook:




في مثل هذا اليوم من سنة 2011 و خلال أسبوع الآلام في غرناطة، منع المطر موكب "عذراء الفجر" من الخروج إلى الشارع. و جرت العادة في أسبوع الآلام أن تخرج عذراء كل كنيسة في موكب إلى الشارع ترافقها فيه فرقة موسيقية مكونة من أبواق و طبول، و مباخر و باقات زهور يسبقها موكب من أطفال و
موكب من نساء يلبسن الأسود حداداً ، و يحمل التمثال شبّان ، و يزن التمثال الواحد ألف أو ألفين كيلو حسب حجمه و المادة التي صنع
منها.

يتدرّب الشبان و الأطفال و النساء طوال السنة حتى يخرج موكب عذراء كنيستهم، وهطول المطر في موعد خروجها يعني ضياع مجهودهم طوال سنة كاملة.

عندما ألغي موكب عذراء الفجر دخلت لأصورها داخل كنيستها، كانت أقدامها ملفوفة بالنايلون و حولها موكب الأولاد ينوحون بشكل جماعي و يرافقهم رجال كبار في السن يبكون و يوعدون العذراء أنهم إن عاشوا عاماً آخر فسوف يخرجونها في موكب مهيب.

و بالرغم من أجواء الإيمان الاستعراضي التي تسيطر على أسبوع الآلام في إقليم الأندلس تحديداً، و بالرغم من التاريخ المشتبك و المعقد بين العرب و بين الاسبان، إلا ان رؤية اسبان القرن الحادي و العشرين يبكون لأسباب تتعلق بالآخرة، كان مشهداً نادراً، و يستحق الوقوف و التفكّر.

En la Semana Santa de 2011 , la lluvia impidió la salida de la Virgen de la Aurora. Aquel día entré a su iglesia para sacarle una foto a la virgen y allí dentro encontré los niños y los abuelos de la cofradía llorando como unas Magdalenas por no haber podido sacar a su Virgen a la calle.
Y a pesar de la historia tan compleja que compartimos los Árabes con los españoles, sobre todo en Andalucía pero esta escena de ver a españoles de este siglo llorando por motivos del mas allá fue una escena espectacular que es digna de un momento de meditación.

(El texto árabe es mas largo porque allí daba mas explicación de lo que se hace en una procesión)


Sooo

Today I paid attention that last week was the Holy Week. I really love this one and ever since I attended almost all the processions of the Holy Week of 2011 I feel a very personal bond with the event. In Spain it is huge and important, so, I wanted to mention it on my Facebook and I took a moment to think, I was worried that some of my friends will come up with a tiring religious or historical discussion.



You know, the discourse of ''we should never forget what they did to us" and that we should hate their religion that killed our people and so ,,, I wish that I would not have to give my ''artistic explanation'' but what can I do? this is how I see it, it is pure art, the music the sculptures and even the incenses. 

~Guhhhhh ~ I feel like I have a doze things to say in this aspect, why dont I sit down and write it? Maybe in the form of an essay or simply a letter to the old me, when I kept focusing in the historical conflict between the Arabs and the Spanish. A conflict that they themselves has forgotten SPECIALLY the religious part of it. 


I dont like it that their christian-ism is not that solid, but this is the way that it is and there is nowhere around it. 



Sunday, March 24, 2013

Take Me Away: Fleeing Class

I was a good kid at school. Actually I was not that good but my school's walls were 5 meters high so I had to behave and hang on till the last moment of class.

In university I used to skip some classes but it was not a big deal as long as one is within the acceptable percentage of absences.

But in my Master programs skipping classes is a huge deal. Two absences and you fail the subject , Congratulations!

So eversince I became a masters student I became more responsible in this aspect (and many others of course , will mention them in different posts).

But today after finishing our first class (4 hours straight with an amazing scholar from Lebanon who came to give us two classes only) it turned out that the teacher of our second class has apologized and that we  are free to go.

It looked like some other teacher is preparing to come teach us something, and my mind was flashing the following words: I dont want to learn more stuff today, we are closed. 

So, I collected my stuff and Doaa and I went walking to the bakery, we bought a ridiculous amount of doughnuts and cookies and we decided to go sit in the pedestrians bridge!!

It is the weirdest bridge among all the ones I saw in Amman. It was my first time in it and I found it full of iron that it almost looked like the inside of a space shuttle. Yet it felt good as I managed to find a window with some air. 

We sat there talking a bit. We did not blab, Doaa was not in the mood and I was too busy looking at cars and people. Sitting on bridges turns me into an actual cat that can get distracted with a tiny ball of wool flying in the air. 

We sat reading, I was reading Tommalee's book , Doaa was reading a tiny book of poetry by Ibrahim Nasrallah and we used the last bit of battery in my mobile to listen to Bach's Tocatta. 



I also thought of Hemingway's short story The Old Man At The Bridge. I googled it and read a bit of it, I really love every line written by this guy and I love my 3G package that makes me feel so powerful that I can read whatever I want whenever I feel like it.

  http://rauschreading09.pbworks.com/f/The+Old+Man+at+the+Bridge+packet.pdf


Passers by where drawn to the scene of two girls reading on a bridge (come on, people on Amman are always drawn to the scene of two girls breathing) but we enjoyed ourselves (I can always enjoy myself as long as I have a cup of coffee).

The boys called us when they left class (yes! they took a class) and we stopped with Alaa and Omar trying to convince a taxi to take us but we failed. As I was not going with them (they were going to film a protest) I crossed the bridge to the other side and took a bus.

On its first stop the guy who went up was Sami. We took a seat at the back and we kept talking until we got to Amman. We tackled a thousand topics (we elaborate more than a couple of old retired men) he was making a list of our classmates who will have a good journalistic future and who are just gonna graduate and go do something else. So when it was my turn he said: you need to work in a place like Palestine, Iraq , Egypt, journalism in Jordan is gonna bore you, you need to become a journalist because you are really good with people.

This! Specially this, coming from Sami, the mayor of  ''Social Skills Landia'' is so huge, it actually made me day. And the bridge too :)))) 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Putting My Own Mind on Flight Mode: Singing in the Citadel



Today I was mad. I am never mad, you know: being mad requires effort and I would never waste effort on anything. But last week I was finally excited about a journalistic topic. Maybe it was the very first time in which I feel that I cant wait to get back to the place and start filming and editing to come out with the best reportage ever.

But my professor simply discarded the topic without even giving me an explanation. I have my own explanation and it is driving my crazy. And I guess crazy is somewhere beyond Mad!

So, as it is Tuesday and I have no classes I decided to give myself a break and stop thinking about everything. I can be terribly firm when it comes to putting my mind on ''Flight Mode''. I simply turn it off and worry about simpler things.

I left home a bit late, and I went to Jordan University Hospital's park. I sat there until Doaa came and we went together to Amman's Citadel.

We sat on the highest point we could find. We could see the entire site and the rest of the city. The weather was a bit cloudy so we could sit there with our eyes wide open , still we had to bare a cold breeze that blew every once in a while.

Later we had a walk till the dome. I dont know the least bit of information about the site, but for some reason I believe that the dome was constructed by the Omayyad. Anyhow , as we were inside we found a side hall. Inside there was a bench and a small window just a bit under the far ceiling.

I started singing a hymn and I felt as if I was floating on top of the echo of that hall. As I sang a bird came through the little window, it did not look real, it was as light as a thought. I saved the moment in this video: 





When I went home I went back the work track and I was Happy about it. Maybe this whole thing functions like a Restart Button of the Soul?

Peace 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Gabriel Garcia Marquez's 86th Birthday








Today is Marquez's 86th birthday, and I simply consider it a day of personal happiness. I love the fact that this world has a "Marquez" , I love the fact that "Hundred years of solitude" and "Love In The Times Of Cholera" had been written and that I  had the chance to read them at a young age. 

Writers contribute a lot to their readers, nations, the world , beauty and to literature. Yet what I am endlessly thankful for is that when they mention things they let you know that you are not the only one who goes through this feeling, or who sees things this way.

Gracias Por Existir  Gabriel , que cumplas muchos mas. Te quiero un mogullón 

Monday, March 4, 2013

Five Broken Cameras: The Yes and The No





Today in the institute we screened “Five Broken Cameras”. I did not have much ideas about the movie beforehand, I just knew that it was nominated for an Oscar and that it did not get.

I knew this little information because last week I was writing narration for a reuters report that covered the movie. They interviewed the director and he mentioned that his co-director was an Israeli who sympathized with people of Bil’in as they protested peacefully against the construction of the apartheid wall. 

 

Some film Festivals (for example: in Morocco) did not accept the screening of the documentary . It is boycotted because the producer was an Israeli.

 

So after we watched it , here is what I think:
It was boring at some points \ the narration was monotonous and sometimes a bit boring \  yet the same narration was splendid and it helped us feel and imagine the things that we were told.

 

The frames were not professional, but hay, this very guy was not the most comfortable camera man on earth, he lost five cameras already!

 

It actually stunned me how he could keep filming all the time, when the soldiers came over to him and yelled at him for filming them, or when the protestors were raided by gas bombs and even actual bullets. He did not stop filming even when his friend got shot neither when the Israelis came to his house at night to arrest him.

 

I hope that I will have this patience and courage to keep filming. I just know, that the best shots are taken when most cameramen are bored ,,,, yet the good ones are always ready.

 

The movie’s content was good and neatly arranged in a chronological manner that would look appealing to both, the Arabian and the foreign spectators.

 

Now the big No: I don’t believe in peaceful demonstration. I know this might sound ‘’terrorist’’ but come on, after sixty something years of combating with the Israeli occupation we have learned that ‘’peaceful demonstration’’ is  crap. Or maybe a luxury that we can’t afford.

 

Don’t get me wrong, who wants to get shot while protesting? But those things apply for people who are living a conflict way much simpler than the Palestinian\Israeli conflict. I think, the movie wanted to subtly deliver to the audience the fact that “5 years of peaceful protests did not stop the wall from slicing Bilin’’. It is in vain.

 

The Big Yes: Watch the embedded movie. It is about a screening in Israel where young Israelis were invited to watch the documentary. Listen to their comments, look at their faces and sighs!! I did not even think that it was possible, but they were genuinely moved by the movie!

 

No, I am not going to give a discourse of ‘’peace love and unity between bla bla bla’’ No, I won’t. But I just want to write down this feeling. But if we put aside the fact that I want them out of our land, I felt a human connection with them.

 

I will write a post soon about a book am reading. It is about Hebrew poetry. It just made me realize how we can’t see them as ‘’people’’, we can’t feel that Hebrew is anything but noisy gibberish. We are designed this way. Both sides.

 

I just don’t know how to wrap up a messed piece as this one, but there is some thinking, reading and wondering that I need to make.