Its My Birthday: Finally!!

Finally!!

Its the tenth of August , the longly awaited day , I dont know why but this year my birthday worried me. Why? Is it that I am really growing up? Noooo I am not I am not ,,, Maybe because of all the changes that happened around my band in university I was worried.

Yeah ,, this is the thing , I am feeling all alone: Again!! and it is not because I am traveling but maybe this is the person whom I am and there is no way around it. I always think that I hve finally landed in my ''perfect'' group of friends , but I finally end up heading toward the edge of the circle of intimacy until I fall out.

This time I have put all effort possible in my relationships with all the girls of my group. I worked on myself , my attitude and tried to be helpful , understanding , loving , and the furthest possible of being judgmental...We hung on for three years but now I would be fooling myself if I say that the strings tying us to each are not withering.

They are ,,, at first it really hurt me a lot ,,, I used to gaze around for an entire hour thinking about it, but now I think I understand.

Its a phrase that our teacher miss Inas told us last semester: In this life some people are timeless. So now I can look around me and easily classify my friends into two groups: timeless , and time full. It would never affect how I treat them , but I will just know where do they reside inside my heart and what exactly to expect from them , in order to avoid disappointments.

In a birthday people tend to be sensitive ,,, you know ,, the idea of ''not existing'' and then ''being born'' makes you consider your existence. So while considering my existence I came across the fact that I am an all time loner , and thats the way it should be.

I now also know that Mays is a fixed fact in my life , and a daughter that I did not have on my own but had and will always be attached to me, always be important to me and when I consider my existence next time I will see myself as the perfect shoulder for her to lean on and cry on.

I love you Mays ,,, I congratulate in my birthday , because in a day like this one 21 years ago a true friend of yours was born :)