The Keys of MY House!!

This feels so great!! Although I had keys last year but they were the keys of a Dorm , those are keys of an actual house in an actual neighborhood ,a tiny balcony, three rooms ,a nice kitchen and a bathroom with a very interesting tub curtain!!

I love ME New House :)

Granada: I am Back!

Who could have ever believed that I would be back walking in those tiny streets in such a short notice!!

I am Back and more posts are to come to confirm it :)

Non-automatic Countdown

One Day to Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

My mobile has just died

It was so emotional , we were there in Sony ericssoons agency and they just told me: your mobile is dead and there is nothing we can do.

Non-automatic Countdown

2 days!!!!

And I went to Zarga :)

Giving Maya a ride home I got the chance t say good bye to Zarga :)

Non-automatic Countdown

3 days to go

Non-automatic Countdown

4 Days to go

Roommates: Who ever thought its gonna arrange itself?

For 3 months I have seen and contacted all the ads of apartments in Granada and NOTHING!!

I got to know a girl , her name is Maria - from the cave house- and we clicked , so we decided that we are gonna look together for a house as soon as I get to Spain.

Yesterday Mohammad - my dearest friend from my first scholarship- sent me telling me that he and the Jordanian guys are leaving there old house and he was wondering if I wanna take with the Jordanian girls of this years scholarship and I was like: Nooooooooooooooooooooo...

I like them but I barely know them and I would like to fight with native speakers so I turned down his offer.

Today in the Iftar Rasha and Aliet told me that University of Granada has eliminated the residency part from the scholarship and that now they are going to search for a house or just forget about the scholarship!!1 I was like No no nonooooo dont do that to me , I cant - well I can but its gonna be horrifyingly lonely- and I thought about Mohammads offer.

We called him, and suddenly we decided that we are gonna live the three of us in the house with Maria if she is Ok with it, and so we will keep the company of a nice native speaker and we will have each other.

We will fight , that I am sure about , but then its gonna be amazing!!! In one house doing our stuff and keeping our money for nice trips ... It so God damn cheap!!!

Wow!!! I have a good feeling ,,,

Ya rab :)

My Good bye Iftar: An original moment

Today my friends gathered in my house for a last Iftar so we can say good bye before I leave on Sunday.

Well , it was beyond words , we did the usual of eating dancing singing shouting making fun of each other and fighting about how are we gonna get home. But this time it was so special ,,, It was my house that felt so comfortable having them - all of them- around.

They are a family with all its warmth and with no formalities at all ,,, they were filling there dishes with food and then cleaning their plates and cups and moving around the place as air breezes.

And there were the hugs and the good byes and the last words ,,, It was not dramatic but so warm ,, so close so pure and true ,,, we laughed a lot and although I am leaving them for an entire year in which they are graduating , but true things do not necessarily require a common place as the university ,,, we just belong together and I hope the days will prove me true ...

Kelly is such a great person whom I will truly miss , the food was great , Mom arranged the music and the dancing and of course the video , it was pure happiness and laughter that I will always hold dear.

Sara , Mays , Aliet , Rasha , Rasha , Rasha -areed on the phone- Hadeel , Malak , Zeina , Ruba and Maymonah I am blessed to have you in my life ,,,

I remembered Sadoof , and I wished she was there ,,, Hope

I miss Zarga

There were times in my life when I thought that Zarga is ugly, the ugliest in all Jordan , but I dont know what happened next and I started enjoying every moment I get to spend in Zarga. I enjoyed the trip with Rasha Areed to Hayy Ma'soom last year , and I hope I can go to Zarga one more time before I leave.

Especially I wish I can to the bus station ,, I need it for my - lets say- my Research ,,,,

I already miss Everything!!!

New Banner

لو كنت يوم أنساك

She is sooooooooooooo in Love!!!!!!!!

This is a video of Soad Hosni talking about Abdel Haleem . There have always been rumors about a love story between the two of them. Things that were never confirmed ,,, I always wanted to know of that was true or not although I dont know what I would want to happen , would I like to see them together? Or would I prefer that each of them keep glowing as a separate star?

Offff I miss both of them

I miss Karak

I feel like taking the first bus and going to Karak ...

I did this kind of things in Spain , taking the first buses and going to wild destinations but here i did not ,,,

Now I feel that there is something in Karak calling my name ,,, not the green spots of Karak but the yellowest parts of the dessert, where there are few houses and few electricity poles and wires with few birds on them.

I want to look and think about Jordan that lays infront of me , behind of me and all around me ,,, Jordan filling my entire senses...

When I googled Karak looking for a picture for this post and there was the traditional Karak Castle picture , which I truly admire but still dont feel that it represents the idea about Karak inside my head.

But I found this amazing picture taken by the eye of a true lover ,,, to whoever it belongs: Thanks!

Here are the only two spots I visited in Karak - visited specifically - ... The tombs of the three martyrs of the battle of Moota : Sayyedna Zaid Ben Haritha , Sayyedna JAafar Ben Ani Taleb and Sayyedna Abdalah Ben Rawaha may God be pleased with them (Radi allah 3anhom o ardahom) ... I lately heard that Dr.Khaled Al Karaki gave those three names to his triplet sons (wow!! I want to do that too!!) ....

I visited the Makam with school when we finished Tawjihi and it was a special treat from the city of Karak to be that close from those amazing true muslims.

And I remember when I was ten years old and came to my uncles graduation in Moota University ,,, He was - and still is - my favorite uncle and I held the flowers for him from Amman to Karak and although the Tarawne fans turned the graduation into a scandalous noise , but I was so happy to see him with his graduation gown - that was an original pure moment of happiness , I was proud and happy - and I enjoyed eating mashawi in a forgotten resturant by the dessert highway ...
I miss Karak ,, I miss Rakeen ,, I miss El gatraneh ,, I miss el Rabwe ,, everywhere ,,,

Why do I so badly miss Jordan NOW!!!

Non-automatic Countdown

5 Days to go

Can he be anymore charming?

This video got me thinking too.

First of all the way in which a person reacts to teasing and irritating really defines him as a person and shows a part of his charm as an individual. I should learn that, when I am irritated I lose , I get mad and I lose track of my own ideas.

Second: Haleem is just amazing ,, charming ,, wonderful and legendary

Third: When a person is ''committing'' an artistic act then he/she is in a very vulnerable position,,the moment in which Haleem lefts his head up and closes his eyes and says very pure, touching and delicate words then he is sharing a part of his existence with the world. Receiving a negative remark in this exact moment can kill something inside an artist soul.

We rarely appreciate this exact detail in the work of artists,, we love them because we do , but for me I love Haleem because he did not mind looking vulnerable and touched in front of a giant audience and so he is still listened to , watched and loved after many many years of his death.

Abdel Haleem Hafez's Funeral: A pause to think

I watched this video a couple of times and then lost all powers to keep on watching it. It gave me the chills specially seeing that girl throw her self off that balcony ,,,,

I am a Muslim , and ending ones life by his own well is out of discussion for me , its totally unacceptable , but here and for the sake of argument I wanna put aside my beliefs and look at it ... How on earth can I see that I understand what the girls did!!! I can!!

I know what Haleem means to us , all of us , the men the women the girls and especially those who have lived in the same time as him ... He represented love on its best course , purity , the dreams of the poor , the sick the suffering marginalized people ... seeing him die is too hard ,, so hard

Although committing suicide is a crime that I cat justify but I can imagine what was going on the girls minds ,,, Yes I can!!

Non-automatic Countdown: Back on the Track

Today Dad teased me a little , he said he went to the embassy and there was nothing ready for me and that I might not get my visa until after the first day of September ,,, I freaked out - well I did not , I was just mad at the people of the embassy and the European delegation who gave up on me- but then he said that they accepted my petition and they just want that stupid fake airline booking and so they can stick the visa sticker on my passport and get this over with.

I was hugging my Dad ,, feeling that special type of tenderness that my Dad awakes in my heart .. and then I started throwing my clothes out the closets and for a moment I cried!!

I cried ,,, Jordan hurts me ,,, I did not feel this way that time ,, I wonder who de people lie with such feelings for more than ten minutes!! Hoe did Palestinians and Native Americans feel when they HAD to leave their homes!!I am mainly leaving Jordan to go see the Nou Camp football field in Barcelona and I am actually feeling homesick already!!

Anyway ,,,

The Non-automatic countdown is back ,, I am leaving on Sunday enshalla

we have 6 days to go !!!!!

I love you Halim

Casa Cueva: Long Story Short for technical reasons

Blogger was broken for several days meanwhile I was having a true crush on a house in Granada. But until things were sorted out with Blogger , things ended with the house.

It was a cave house in Albayzin in th heart of Granada and a 9 minutes walk to the center , for 200 euros that include everything (water , electricity and comunidad) , I sent many many messages to my room mate to be, and we just clicked!! She is totally my type , artist , open minded , interesting and there are many things that she can add to me as a person and as a writer (exactly what I was looking for).

I was worried that the house did not have windows and that we had to pass through each others rooms to get from a point to another, because this is how cave houses are , a room leads to the other ,,,, there are no doors , only curtains and I was not sure that I can live with that.

I showed the pictures to both my parents , Dad said it looks good , as its cold in summer and worm in winter , but Mom said: there is something about it, I dont like it.

I had a feeling too , it kept growing until I prayed Estikhara and the next morning my room mate sent me telling that she had to let go of the house because the third room mate had to leave Granada to Alicante!!

I loved it in a way but it concerned me and so you do ,,, you

Crowdy crowd!!!

I need time ...

I need a moment , to stop this hassle , and pause

I need to think , to write my diary

to breath

I need to stop worrying about the visa thing

but the surprise is: I know from the depth of my heart that its not the visa thats worrying me ,,,

What is it?

I got an A!!!

I got an A ,,, I did not expect that ,,, (did I? My final was a roller coaster jajajaj)

Now expect a slight - I mean so slight- in my Average

From 3,61 to 3,62!!!

God , give me those ,03 before I graduate pleaseeeeeee

I miss Baghdad...

Although I have never been to Baghdad but there are moments when I feel like crying because I miss the Baghdad that I lived in songs , books and poetry ... I miss Baghdad when I miss my childhood , the clear truth , the clean love and the sweet longing to my childhood hero who always had an Iraqi accent and an arab face ,,,, I cant explain that but the longing is killing me ,,, I miss you , I miss you a lot ,,, is not that enough?

No Non-automatic Countdown anymore!!

There is no counter now ,, I dont know when I am leaving , as soon as I know I will restart although I dont think I will know many days before I leave ,,,a counter of 3 or 4 days maximum!!!

Look at my life!! A bit wilder than what I thought in my wildest teenage dreams !

Now or Never: Before the first day of September!

Wow!! Today I called International Relationships in my university ,and received an email form the scholarship people in which both stated that if i am not in Spain before the first day of September then the scholarship is going to be withdrawn!!!

Wow ,, wow ,, wow ,,, I was speechless for a while and then I made a call to a guy who once was in my class in Cervantes - have not seen him or talked to him in 2 years - he happens to be the brother of a guy in the Spanish embassy who always works with erasmus students and helps them out with their paper work. So I called the guy - feeling so bad because I would not have remembered him if I did not need him - and he nicely gave me his brothers number , so I called the brother and he was so cool about it and he said that I should call him next week and he would talk to them so they will issue it as soon as possible.

I am not worried ,,, I believe that a person would not take or live and experience if it was not Gods will , so , I will just pray and wait and let the best be chosen by God :)

khawater 6: In The streets of Granada

رجع الصهيل

و ها نحن وجهان في الليل

وجهك هذا الْ يضيء دروبي

و وجهي هذا الذي لوّحته شموس اشتياقي

إليك

يصلي لعينيك

حتى غروب الضياء

و حتى انتهاء المدى

عند باب المصير

زمان المحبين - د. خالد الكركي

I miss Cadiz

Ever since I have been to Cadiz in February 13th , 2010 I have considered the shore of the ocean of Cadiz ''My Happy place'' ... whenever I want to go to a safe happy almost perfect spot in my mind I would go back to Cadiz and gaze in the immense horizon.

I suddenly felt I miss Cadiz like crazy , I thought: I wanna go to Granada right now, put down my bag and go to Cadiz ,, run ,,swim , get all wet and happy and walk barefooted on the amazing thin sand.

I love you Cadiz I love you

Yesternight I had a dream ...

It was so simple , he entered our house without knocking, I was wearing my pajama and sitting on the ground infront of the TV. He passed me by acting so God damn normal and he said: try to study I will see what I can do with your exam ... He went inside and then when he came back he said: and write a research , try to write about the reasons behind the falling behind of Arab woman. He looked like he was making a conversation ,,, he was forcing it and then he waved and left.

When I woke up and realized that it was a dream I felt like there was a whole in the wall of my heart .... I miss him!! Why is that?!!! Am I crazy or stupid or unable to understand the signs?

Signs are rubbing themselves in my face and I just look the other way ,,, I am protecting my baby: my novel.

MY Mansaf: All mine :)

Today I cooked mt very first Mansaf ever!!! It was amazing ... Mom was in the living room I would go ask her about steps and then go do them ,, and whenever she tried to enter the kitchen I would tell her to leave because I want a 100% mansaf done by me.

listening to Falmenco by Miguel Poveda while cooking :)

Ta ta ta taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ,,, they liked it , I liked it and I think that now I can cook a Mansaf on my own for my dear friends in Spain : )

My Beautiful Islam: A song by Maher Zain

Look at the video ,,, this is my Beautiful Islam :)

A midnight freak out

Escrebí la carta y la envié a todo el mundo ,,, todas legaron salbo el suyo ,,, me sentí vacía y frustrada ,,, ¿por qué pasó esto? hay detalles en esta historia que yo no los puedo entender pero sigo hasta el fin ....

Visa: Officially solicited

Yesterday I handed all the papers for the visa.

Now we should wait 4 or 5 weeks

Baby Born!!! Mission accomplished

Farah was born this morning ,,,, Thanks my dear niece for not being born on my birthday...

She is nice ,, as nice as all seconds

Welcome Ramadan :)

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of Ramadan, So Ramadan Kareem :)

I love the Ramadan spiritual and social traditions , and I am going to watch Bab El-7ara because its a Ramadan must do no matter how dull it is hehehe .

Enshalla this time I will read Quran two times and I will pray Taraweeh each night... may this Ramadan be better than all other Ramadans of before , may I lose weight and may God accept our Duaa and our good deeds Ameen ameen ameen

Its My Birthday: Finally!!

Finally!!

Its the tenth of August , the longly awaited day , I dont know why but this year my birthday worried me. Why? Is it that I am really growing up? Noooo I am not I am not ,,, Maybe because of all the changes that happened around my band in university I was worried.

Yeah ,, this is the thing , I am feeling all alone: Again!! and it is not because I am traveling but maybe this is the person whom I am and there is no way around it. I always think that I hve finally landed in my ''perfect'' group of friends , but I finally end up heading toward the edge of the circle of intimacy until I fall out.

This time I have put all effort possible in my relationships with all the girls of my group. I worked on myself , my attitude and tried to be helpful , understanding , loving , and the furthest possible of being judgmental...We hung on for three years but now I would be fooling myself if I say that the strings tying us to each are not withering.

They are ,,, at first it really hurt me a lot ,,, I used to gaze around for an entire hour thinking about it, but now I think I understand.

Its a phrase that our teacher miss Inas told us last semester: In this life some people are timeless. So now I can look around me and easily classify my friends into two groups: timeless , and time full. It would never affect how I treat them , but I will just know where do they reside inside my heart and what exactly to expect from them , in order to avoid disappointments.

In a birthday people tend to be sensitive ,,, you know ,, the idea of ''not existing'' and then ''being born'' makes you consider your existence. So while considering my existence I came across the fact that I am an all time loner , and thats the way it should be.

I now also know that Mays is a fixed fact in my life , and a daughter that I did not have on my own but had and will always be attached to me, always be important to me and when I consider my existence next time I will see myself as the perfect shoulder for her to lean on and cry on.

I love you Mays ,,, I congratulate in my birthday , because in a day like this one 21 years ago a true friend of yours was born :)

How does it possibly feel that good?!!!

I was totally against my aunt getting engaged. I am always against everybody getting engaged and her being my childhood friend made me even more firmer.

But after spending more than half an hour taking pictures of her and him I suddenly realized how nice and kind and wonderful he is. I even felt that we already knew him and that he has always been a part of our family!!!

I am happy , I feel good abut it ,,,, the picture of above is the picture of their wedding rings ,,, Welcome on Board Monther san :)

Visa Stuff: I am enjoying it

Today Dad and I we went to ask for my Visa.

It was fast and stressing , though I loved it!!

We know that to ask for a visa we should have a health insurance and an initial booking of a plane ticket, so we went only wanting to make sure if we can apply without them because Universidad de Granada is out of office and nobody is sending us anything.

I always tend to hate asking people for things and the same goes for the embassy , but today we had to do our work with Carlos and he was surprisingly kind to us and he said that there were no problem not having those papers , as he saw a remark about them in the invitation of the University of Lund from Sweden.

We talked - Carlos and I - in Spanish , Carlos smiled at each granadian word I said and Dad was soooo Proud of me ,,, he said that it was ok if he did not understand a thing as long as I sound so Native heheheh

This time they asked for a 3adam ma7koomye , I dont what that is in English but we get it from ministry of justice. We went to ask for it and I knew -having a bag not a backpack- that I dont have my ID card.

We went to Kaser El3adel , my uncle who is a judge was not there but he called a friend of his who called a friend of his who attended us. The guy is just cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!! he is a charming Bedouin with a charming accent and that Bedouin tendency to help people in any possible way ,, but what can he do to a Jordanian citizen who wants to issue an official paper without an ID!!! My dad was mad for like ten minutes and then he was ok heheheh ....

That was hectic , fast but nice. I just enjoy going through the tiny corridors of ministries , streets and the time we spend my dad and I in the car singing along with Sa3ed ABu Tayeh the most traditional songs of all!!

On the way home there was a guy who gave us the road smiling to dad ,,, something squeezed itself inside my stomach , he was so cute as well ,, the cuteness of those whom you will never see again ...

I wish I can print out his face from my memory ,,, anyways it was a nice day

Hasta la vista :)

A cousin 20 days earlier than expected: Ahmad :)

Yesterday I suddenly had a new cousin!!

His mom was supposed to have him in a month from now , but he suddenly decided to come and he came!!

I love this boy already he makes decisions and everything :)

Thats him , almost 14 hours old

These are pictures of paintings put on the walls of the hospital where he was born, its a missionary hospital that reminds me so much of my first school -actually its the same missionary- Rosary Sisters ,,,, God those days were perfect ,,,, and the paintings are just amazing
And this is us piled in the room by Aunt Kawthar talking until 12 am heheheh ,,, she was in a good shape and she was so thrilled about her third boy as much as she was thrilled about the first two ,,, God bless him , may he be a good son and obedient to God :)

Welcome on board Ahmad :)