Yesterday I had a fight with Mom. Why am I blogging about that? Because it was yesterday!!! Two days ,,, I have not had a fight with her that lasts two days since FOR EVER!!I remember the days when I was a teenager,,, We used to fight all the time,, I used to openly hate her , everyone knew it. I always had the image inside my head that she is the thing , the only things that forbids me from having a normal life just like everyone else.
Later on I got her. I stopped opposing her , I knew that she is so wise and she foresees things , and I understood that she has a hard style. Thats it ,,, I knew that she loves me , and I was able to love her ,,, even trust her with things , and be proud of her ,,, Entirely!
But there was a thing that we never managed to work out. Its her sense of superiority...I think it runs in the family , Grandpa has it , all my uncles have it. My students - Spanish students- were students of my uncle and they hated him for the same reason.
Her sense of superiority comes from her astonishing talent of doing things PERFECT. So when she looks around to the world and sees how imperfect it is it just disgusts her. This disgusting world includes me , my brother and simply everything.
I always had the nerves to put up with her. You know , she would criticize EVERYTHING I do ,,, she would make me unsatisfied about anything I do and I would just smile to her , or let it pass gently.
What happened yesterday was so simple , but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
She asked me to peel eggplants and fry them. I did not do it right(yeah, I am that retarded) , and she got into her monologue: ''you are not any good for anything ,,, you don't know the first thing about cooking... you dont do anything with enough care,,,, if you only care to look or listen while I show you , you would have got something ,,,, you are a disgrace ,,, I don't know why I never managed to get anything into your thick skulls you and your brother'' ...
This happens everyday , everyday for the last 22 years , but yesterday I did not find it in my heart to consent. I was just fed up. I am not a child any more, I don't want to be yelled out for eggplants issues!!
I am acting out in the stupidest of all ways: I isolated myself. I don't talk to her , I don't offer any kind of help , I dont make eye contact of any level and I am just sitting inside my head.
I am not perfect , do I have to apologize for that? Why , why why she cant see not in the most far hypothetical situation that she might be wrong? why?
She is my Mom , its rude to tell her whats right and wrong , but What happens when I run out of my human power of enduring her crushing me.
What happens now? My poor Dad trys to talk us into talking to each other, but he is just making it worse ...
I dont know what to say more ,,, I hate being in this position , its sinful , God is mad of course , and I love her and I understand her health condition ,,,, she must not be annoyed for her diabetes and her high blood pressure , but Walla it is not me who misses those up!!!
Ya Rabb
1 comment:
allow me to share my experience that i discoverd after 25 years of living with my mom - ya i live with my mom :) !
well, i discoverd that whatever you do you will never sastify what they wants, ya sure, you may got into uni. and gradauted and got a work, still they will always have this thing of you acting wrong and they are right.
ok then, so you are saying that i should stand for every single situation they make me feel that way?!! no sir! you shouldnt, cuz you will lose every single fight with your parents, why!? cuz you cant live without them, you cant live with the idea that they r angry of you, so what should i do to make them get my point and understand that im not a child anymore?! not in a fight of course! you can talk to them later while they r quiet!
so does eggplants worth a fight with your parents? - and i know you are talking about the concept here- no it desnt worth it, iza ana makanek i will shut up for now then try to tell them how i feel later.
too long, right?! believe me, cope with them and dont think a lot! your life will be easier! my life is !
p.s my mom still say to me "ya retni 5alafet ibn el jeran wla 5alftak" and im ok with it!
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