The Sky Today ...My heart now

Today I went to see Sara in Gardens Street and then came back in Taxi. It was so crowded and so I asked the driver to drop me infront of the University's Hospital gate , thinking that I will walk from there to my class on the northern gate. (Silly me!! O

f course I would not do that , especially not in 30 minutes!!)

I bought a cup of coffee from a very very angry couple in the Hospitals Kiosk (That was loads of fun to watch!!! This is what I love about the Hospital's zone - althouhgt this might sound so selfish but! - there you get to watch life in its true course.

I sat there , looking at the hazy sky , on the stairs that remind me of an old story ...I sat there thinking.

Maybe it was 1991 or 1992 , by then I was so little , I did not even go to school yet , my uncle Wael was sick and was admitted to JU's hospital ,,, I was visiting , maybe because I was so little they did not let me in -cant actually remember- and I just looked at the stairs and the busy people , then there was a couple of doctors , a guy and a girl , they came down the stairs looking at each other and smiling dearly ,,,, exactly when they crossed from infront of me the air blew and their white -white white white- lab-coats flew and I felt that they can fly.

This is a very very far image from the depth of my hazy memory ,,, but I remember it as if it was yesterday , in times when I thought that love was simple and reachable....

If anybody has told that child that many many moons later she would be standing here alone and distant, she would not have believed.

But in spite of everything -and here am not mentioning any of those things- I feel that there is sun behind all that sand. I believe Strongly ,,, I believe

Erasmus Once Erasmus Forever

A french friend of mine , whom I met in Granada posted this video today.

It made me laugh a little , remember things and sigh. I dont suffer nostalgy or the usual Pos-Erasmus Trauma ... I just dont.

I feel represented by a part of this Erasmus culture but am not that entirely. I am an Hispanista ... my story with Spain has many many pages , and those two scholarships were nothing more than a preface. I still have a lot to do ,, a lot of travelling , a lot of hunger and insomnia on the uncomfortable beds, but I have a Legend to fulfil and I will enshalla.

How Dare You!!!

Today I went to JU's Clinic because I was feeling unwell for the last three weeks.

I usually tend to hate going to see doctors. I get so confused , a bit defensive , and the smell ,,, Oh The smell kills my nerves. But I was getting dizzy so I felt like I have to go. You know, because now I go to classes with people that I dont know , If anything happens to me , its gonna be extra humiliating to fall in front of a bunch of strangers lol!!

The doctor who saw me was nice, but he said something after he saw my urine analysis -yet another humiliating moment- that pissed me off. He said that its an alleged pain!! and thats nothing is going on with me ,,, he said to me and I quote: Are you under any type of pressure? Do you have problems? You need to Relax , go to Aqaba , spend a few days then come back!!

I cant believe that this was said to ME !! ME!! I manufacture and export happiness and relaxation !!!

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Is it possible that I am that worried?!!!

Out in the Open

This is a picture of me smoking in Madrid a week after the Spanish national smoking ban in all bars and restaurants. I never published this picture , although I loved it and it was a very funny moment , when I was trying to look like am inside while I am outside. I never published it anywhere because my family did not know that I smoke.

I have smoked for the last 7 years. I am not a heavy smoker, neither do I d like those who smoke a lot. For me smoking is a pleasure that I practice a couple of times a week.

Today my parents found out about it. They were too astonished with the mere thought that ''their little angel'' smokes. They were mad , even furious but I was happy.

I hate all things that are hidden, I just hate them. For the last 7 years I reached the point where I stopped thinking about ''my smoking'' ... It was my morning ritual that I dont share not even with my best friends and there is no need to accompany such moment with explanations to anybody. But It just annoyed me , that am a 22 years old girl and that I still have hidden files.

Today I am happy ,,, I came clean ,,, They dont accept me by the way , but this is who I am , whether they like it or not.

My Heart right now

I feel that my own Anatomy has betrayed me ,,,

My own heart beat tricked me ,,,

My Adrenaline went pouring over nothing ,,,

But I can also say , that there is some light at the end of the tunnel...

I dont know where did I see that , but sometimes hope obliges the existence,, Obliges the sequence of actions to bring something our way ,,,

I have always thought about this prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference

And now I think: Maybe I cant change anything about it , but I am still eager to take my chances. It might not be wise , neither will it grant serenity to my heart but I cant just let all that slip away from my hands.

God ,,,, Give me courage to keep going on this un-wise , un-serene track ,,, God ,, God ,,God ,, Listen to me ,,,Hold my heart ,,, You know better than anybody how tormented I am and how much I need your hand to guide me ,,, God God God ,,,,

If I Wanna Dance on a Pole Am not Asking for Anybodys Permession

See this article:

http://www.almadenahnews.com/newss/news.php?c=519&id=106655

So what if a woman wants to learn to dance on a pole? What If I wanna learn to do anything?

Who are you to tell me what should I and what should not I do?!!!

I hate this ranting and yelling tune , but such articles and discussions drive me nuts. So a muslim woman in England decides to dance on a pole and then publishes a picture of her earing Niqab next to the pole and to her trainer. And people start ranting about it , and they go with the usual ''insulting Islam" tape!!!

Now , What I think about it:

The lady should not have published such a picture. It is not that I am saying it Haram or wrong, I just say its inappropriate. With all the connotations related to pole dancing it would be so confusing for everybody to see the picture of a girl with Niqab next to one.

And for heavens sake: If you are so open minded -and am really happy for you- to learn such a fine type of art -according to me- how come you forget the opinion of your entire culture about it? Why would you think that everybody sees the same way as you did? How did you forget how people tend to be in such topics , and why -On Gods Name- do you care to show them what you have learned?

About those who ranted and got all worked up with the news , Specially that ''fine'' lady that said: A true muslim women would not accept it to herself to learn such a type of dancing. For that woman among all I say: Shut the Hell Up!!!

Stop asking all muslim women to be a copy of each other!! Who ever said that we are supposed to be alike? To like the same things , do the same things and treat our men and family through the same exact steps?

Not all women who wear Hijab are alike , they dont wear it the same way , nor do they wear it for the same motives. If a Muslim woman learns to dance whatever type of dance and performs it based on Gods regulation and Shariaa (Not infront of men with whom she is not related ,and without being dressed provocatively) then its a skill that she has , a pleasure that she experiences ,,,,and guess what: an extra point for her that makes her better from you , YOU bitter sad helpless woman who blames her lack of confidence on Islam.

See this video ,,, tell me that this is not art , and that a woman who dances like Shakira is just as appealing to her husband as a woman who does not!

ka ma8ha sa3éer ho el 7obb

كمقهى صغير هو الحب

محمود درويش - فلسطين

كمقهى صغير علي شارع الغرباء
هو الحبّ... يفتح أَبوابه للجميع.
كمقهى يزيد وينقص وَفْق المناخ
إذا هَطَلَ المطر ازداد روَّاده،
وإذا اعتدل الجوّ قَلّوا ومَلّوا...

أَنا هاهنا يا غريبة في الركن أجلس
ما لون عينيكِ؟ ما اَسمك؟
كيف أناديك حين تمرِّين بي ،
وأَنا جالس في انتظاركِ ؟

كمقهى صغيرٌ هو الحبّ.
أَطلب فنجانيّ قهوة
وأَشرب قهوتي وقهوتك.
أحمل قبَّعتين وشمسيَّة.
إنها تمطر الآن.

تمطر أكثر من أيِّ يوم،
ولا تدخلينَ
أَقول لنفسي أَخيرا:
لعلَّ التي كنت انتظر
انتظَرتْني... أَو انتظرتْ رجلا آخر
انتظرتنا ولم تتعرف عليه اوعليَّ،
وكانت تقول: أَنا هاهنا في انتظاركَ.

ما لون عينيكَ؟ أَيَّ عطرٍ تحبّ؟
وما اَسمكَ؟
كيف أناديكَ حين تمر امامي

كمقهى صغير ... هو الحب

A page from my paper Diary

صباح الخير يا أنا ...

ما أغرب هذا الصباح، كنت أودّ أن أقول أن "الوحدة تمتدّ شاسعة حولي" و لكن الأمر ليس هكذا.

إنني و بعد كل هذه السنين من الغوص في الكتب و الروايات و الملاحم و المعاجم أجدني عاجزة عن إيجاد كلمة تصف غرابة هذا الصباح.

ما أغرب هذا الصباح ...

حتى القهوة بلا طعم ، و ضجة الناس في كافتيريا المستشفى تخترقني كما لو كنت ورقة... حتى ذلك الطبيب الصغير الذي كان يتنفس فوق كتفي بفضول في طابور القهوة بدا لي مُحزِناً و بائساً.

في النهاية ما هو الفضول؟

هو شهوة كشف الحجاب عن الأنصاف المحجوبة من كل القصص.

هذه الشهوة التي تدوخني ...الشهوة التي قادتني طوال سنين حياتي...الشهوة التي حددت نيابة عني كل المقاعد التي جلست عليها في المقاهي و المطاعم و الحافلات و الأعراس و المحاضرات ، الكرسي الأقرب إلى ما يثير فضولي...

لكن بالأمس أصابني فضولي في مقتل. كان نهاري طويلا جدا، و كان النعاس يهدهد دماغي داخل جمجمتي.

جلست أمام عمارة خليفة أشرب علبة ميراندا أراقب سيل السيارات و زحمة المساء. ربما استمعت إلى أغنية

Jueves

قرابة العشر مرات.

كنت أشعر بالتعب ... شيء يفوق حدود الجسد. حتى أشجار الجامعة الأردنية كانت تتنهد نيابة عني.. كل عمان كانت تتوهج أمام عيني كاللقطة الأخيرة من فيلم يتوهج قبل أن تسودّ الشاشة.

كنت أحس بشعور واحد فقط واضح المعالم هو الدهشة.

ما الذي يجري تحديداً؟ أيعقل أنني لم أكن أحس بشيء، أم أنها مرة أخرى تلك المشاعر التي لا اسم لها؟ ...

فكّرت حينها بأن إعاقتي النفسية لم تسمح لي على مرّ السنين أن أشعر بشيء غير الدهشة، و أن كل المشاعر الأخرى هي مجرّد محاكاة لما يصفه الناس، أو لشيء عرطه علينا الكذاب الكبير كاظم الساهر، أو لشيء وصفه العرّاط الأكبر جابرييل جارسيا ماركيز...

لا أذكر أن شيئاً نبع فعلاً من أعماق ذاتي دون أن يخرج مشيّعاً بموكب علامات الاستفهام.

لحظة يقين واحدة .. لحظة يقين واحدة تكفيني لأموت هانئة.

لا أعرف لماذا وجدت السلوى في الأغنية .. ظللت أعيدها و أكررها و أفكر بدهشة الأطفال التي كانت تغرق كلّ خلاياي عندما يقترب المترو من الرصيف محمّلاً بكل احتماليات القدر ذاك!!

مدريد ...يا مدريد ... خذيني

شيء بداخلي قد مات ... شيءٌ بداخلي قد مات.. شيء لوى عنقه بالأمس بداخلي و سقط. سقط في اللحظة التي كنت أقف فيها أمام طلابي على وشك أن أبدأ حصتي.

شعرت بالرغبة في أن أقول العبارة التي عاهدت نفسي أن أقولها لطلبتي مطلقاً... شعرت بالرغبة في ان أقول: ''شباب، اليوم مش قادرة أعطي ،خلوها ليوم ثاني ''

المعلمة أمّ و الأمّ لا تعطّل و لا تستقيل و لا تتقاعد.

و هكذا أكملت كلامي...

كنت أفكّر بالدكتور أحمد نوفل عندما قال: ''التعليم يعدل مزاجي'' "أنا عندما أتعب أتعافى أمام طلابي" .... كانت حصة عادية .. فاتنة، كما هو التعليم دوماً... و لكنني شعرت بالأسف مبكراً قليلاً عما ينبغي..

أنا أرى وجوه طلبتي كما لو كانوا زهور كاميليا تطفو على مياه نهر ... متحفزّون ، تهزهم يد الشغف ، جميلون و أنقياء ... هكذا أراهم دائماً.

و لكن التعب يومها أخذ مني فرحي بهم، و شعرت أن مياه النهر تجري أسرع بكثير مني ، و أنني -كما كنت دائماً- سأبقى مع كتبي على جانب النهر لوحدي.

أهذا ما يشعر به مربّو الأجيال؟ أيشعرون بوحشة الكون هذه؟

معتصم كان تعيساً و مبعثراً ، و عماد كان يشعّ بنور الطبيب الإنسان الذي يزين حاجبيه دائماً ، و خالد في زاويته جالساً على طرف مقعده كما لو أنه لا يريد أن يزعج العالم ، شأنه في ذلك شأن كل الأطفال الذين تربوا بين حضارتين، و طارق ينقَّل ضحكته المشاكسة بين غمازتيه و تلك العقدة الطريفة بين حاجبيه.

و أنا؟ أين كنت انا؟

كنت منطفئة إلى أبعد نقطة في تكويني.

هل سيأتي يوم أستطيع فيه أن أروي القصة كاملة، دون أن أقتطع أي شيء من الحقيقة؟

يا رب أريد الحق ... كل الحق ... و لا شيء سوى الحق...

يا عالماً بحالي

عن يوم الثلاثاء

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تقوى

Back to Square one?

Today I came back running from work to get to my English Novel Class. I love this class -although it was our first class today- but I adore this teacher Miss Inas Ababneh ,,, I tend to call her inside my head Miss Perfect :)))

I love how she analyses literature, how she goes through the text line by line giving it new life. She is not the traditional literature passionate emotional teacher , she is more of a ''geisha doll'' with very few facial expressions , still she is one of the most expressive people I have ever met. She gets to put a lot of meaning in so little words ,,, She IS perfect.

After class when I went out and looked at the university I felt the huge gap between me and everything,,, I AM the eldest of all!! And all of this people around me are just kids that most probably would never ever enter my circle ,,, I felt as if the university world is their's and am just an intruder ,, I felt as I dont belong , and I felt as lost as when I was a sanfoora 4 years ago!!

In some way , I feel so minority like , so vulnerable and I feel like am back in Square One!!

I am the interpreter: I rule :)

For the last three days I have been working in Prince Hamza Hospital as an interpreter of a workshop presented by a Spanish nurse to a class of Jordanian nurses. The course was more of an Administrational course than a sanitary one , this is what made it easier to interpret.

I need not go through all the details of the three days but It was a big experience , not only on my linguistic level but also on my sense of ''I am able to do anything as long as I decide so''.

Words used to scare me as they came out of the lecturer's mouth , but as I searched gently inside my head I always managed to find the translation. I have worked hard throughout the last 4 years of my life , and this is my reward. I was able to interpret three days in a row without a pause , tuning my voice with the lecturer's voice tune , pausing as she pauses , and laughing as she laughs or cracks jokes.

I know I still have a lot a head of me to learn. This experience made me aware of many fields that I need to study their vocabulary , but for now I feel satisfied and eager to learn more ,,, to go ahead and follow my own ''personal miracle''.

A Real Beautiful Woman

Today one of my students sent me this song. I loved it a lottttttttt!! I felt like I have known it even before learning Spanish ,,,but most of all I loved the girl in the clip. Seeing a mother who is also a fighter is so primitive and savagely beautiful.

Una Cuenta Retrasada de todo El Llanto que he perdido

Hoy me fui al Balad con los estadounidenses del CIEE. Hicimos cometas de papel y las hicimos volar en el Qala. (Citadel)

Me sentí mas feliz de cuando era niña ...

Estaba feliz del todo y con ganas verdaderas de volar y llorar.

Llorar eternamente por todas las cosas que no había llorado antes

Llorar por todas las canciones tristes que había oído , por el llanto de todas las canciones flamencas del Albayzín

Por todas las novias de boda al salir de las casas de sus padres

Por todos los momentos de partir ...

Por Todas las caras ausentes

Por todos los amigos que se han ido

y por todos los amigos que se irán

y por aquellos amigos que aún no he conocido

Pero más que todo me encuentro con ganas eternas de llorar por lo enamorada que estoy

Me encuentro con el corazón hecho de papel

Dispuesto a rasgarse por un solo suspiro

Dispuesto a quemarse por una sola llama de nostalgia

Mi corazón de papel vuela ..

Vuela tanto como mi cometa...

recorre el cielo de mi ciudad y se va engrandeciendo

Lo cobre todo y luego tu ausencia lo desmorona como se fuera hecho de espuma

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Una niña soy. Una niña que esta de pie ante su ciudad, con una cometa colorada en la mano , un sueño en la mente , un suspiro en el pecho , un amor pseudo- imposible en el corazón y un solo nombre entre los labios.

Bajo este cielo todo es posible. ¿crees?

Takwa

17 de Septiembre de 2011

I am Tired

I wanna be that little girl again ,,,, I wanna feel -again- that this world belongs to me ...

More: I wanna feel that am not the eternal alien.

About Sex in Jordan

So today a friend of mine posted this cartoon on Facebook. O paused for a moment to think, I thought that this was so brave to do. We dont talk ''Sex'' in Jordan! We just dont ,,, and I also thought: It was so brave of the artist to portray such a sad aspect of our life.

God how accurate is that! Men are not willing to smile unless their brains are in between their thighs , and that so temporal. They are grumpy otherwise!!

It is not that am repeating the dull stupid cliché of ''Men are pigs and all what they think about is sex''. No, Simply because that is not accurate. But I just feel a wicked type of satisfaction when I see men unsatisfied with their sexual lives. They raise girls to think that sex is a manly topic , and if they think about it then they are not as pure as they should. At the end of the day when men are bored in their bedrooms , and when they are lonely in their own intercourses I would just like to look at them in the eye and say: Those are the girls you raised , and thats all what you gonna get Nyahahahahahahahaha!!!

I have a lot to say on this topic, A LOTTTTT , things I came to realize after going to Spain and coming back here , things that I have noticed while observing the difference between the ''sex culture'' in each country and I will come back with more posts on the topic, but for now lets just enjoy one big laugh ,,,, laugh over the sad circle of pathetic sexual culture.

Facebook Status

Does it say in your Human Resources file if you

are the type of person who puts back the cover

on the toothpaste tube after using it?

... If it does not mention that then maybe

no one ''actually'' knows you.

I have not been Mad In a Long Time

I dont get mad. Maybe I use the words ''Mad'' , ''Pissed off'' or ''annoyed'' here in the blog but actually I am a person who does not get mad.

Why? Because I dont take life seriously. This is the only thing that would make me ''really'' mad , to find that I take life as if it was a battle that I bother about winning.

But recently I noticed myself being mad , and it came so strong last night in class.

It has happened in my class since for ever that one of my students say something in a very very low voice and then his friend bursts into laughing that his face goes purple!!!

It did not bother me a lot ,I was curious of course , but not mad. Yesterday , boy number 1 said something and the other one crackeddddddddd and I felt the huge urge to kick both of their sorry culos a la calle!!!

God!! How unpleasant it is to be mad!!! It makes you vulnerable!!!

Its that its the same boy each time!! The same boy who pisses me off , he pisses me off he pisses me off ,,, sometimes I feel like stuffing my fingers inside his eyes!!!

(This is so creepy!! Although I heard many educators through out the years whining about ''a boy'' in class that drives them crazy , but I never thought that this would happen to me!! I teach a class of 26 years old!! I am not a kindergarten teacher!!)

But yet the same boy -out of nowhere- says: Why did I waste all that time not studying Spanish? ,,, and I go -inside my head- : Thats so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!

God I hate him I hate him he puts me on the edge each time , an then he says something nice ,,, so I hate him ,,,

Ps: But , I ADORE being a Teacher.

Major Fight with The Only Mom I Have

Yesterday I had a fight with Mom. Why am I blogging about that? Because it was yesterday!!! Two days ,,, I have not had a fight with her that lasts two days since FOR EVER!!

I remember the days when I was a teenager,,, We used to fight all the time,, I used to openly hate her , everyone knew it. I always had the image inside my head that she is the thing , the only things that forbids me from having a normal life just like everyone else.

Later on I got her. I stopped opposing her , I knew that she is so wise and she foresees things , and I understood that she has a hard style. Thats it ,,, I knew that she loves me , and I was able to love her ,,, even trust her with things , and be proud of her ,,, Entirely!

But there was a thing that we never managed to work out. Its her sense of superiority...I think it runs in the family , Grandpa has it , all my uncles have it. My students - Spanish students- were students of my uncle and they hated him for the same reason.

Her sense of superiority comes from her astonishing talent of doing things PERFECT. So when she looks around to the world and sees how imperfect it is it just disgusts her. This disgusting world includes me , my brother and simply everything.

I always had the nerves to put up with her. You know , she would criticize EVERYTHING I do ,,, she would make me unsatisfied about anything I do and I would just smile to her , or let it pass gently.

What happened yesterday was so simple , but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

She asked me to peel eggplants and fry them. I did not do it right(yeah, I am that retarded) , and she got into her monologue: ''you are not any good for anything ,,, you don't know the first thing about cooking... you dont do anything with enough care,,,, if you only care to look or listen while I show you , you would have got something ,,,, you are a disgrace ,,, I don't know why I never managed to get anything into your thick skulls you and your brother'' ...

This happens everyday , everyday for the last 22 years , but yesterday I did not find it in my heart to consent. I was just fed up. I am not a child any more, I don't want to be yelled out for eggplants issues!!

I am acting out in the stupidest of all ways: I isolated myself. I don't talk to her , I don't offer any kind of help , I dont make eye contact of any level and I am just sitting inside my head.

I am not perfect , do I have to apologize for that? Why , why why she cant see not in the most far hypothetical situation that she might be wrong? why?

She is my Mom , its rude to tell her whats right and wrong , but What happens when I run out of my human power of enduring her crushing me.

What happens now? My poor Dad trys to talk us into talking to each other, but he is just making it worse ...

I dont know what to say more ,,, I hate being in this position , its sinful , God is mad of course , and I love her and I understand her health condition ,,,, she must not be annoyed for her diabetes and her high blood pressure , but Walla it is not me who misses those up!!!

Ya Rabb

New Facebook Profile Picture

Por un momento de mi vida -aunque sea corto- he estado

segura de que estoy feliz del todo ,,

, Felicidad pura , completa , profunda y verdadera ,,,

Todo gracias a una ciudad singular que se llama Granada

My Baby ....

Today I bought the Grand Arabic Spanish Dictionary for my Translation work.

This is the big book that I will be holding in my arms for the coming 13 months at least.

I will be hopping from a bus to another holding it , and I think its gonna be the only thing I can read during the ride.

I feel as if am committing to something ,,, It scares me , but as I love Spanish infinitely I go ahead with my heart full with courage.

El Español es mi vida =)

Facebook Status

I Love Rajab Ardogan , not because Turkey kicked out the Zionist ambassador and not because

of its infinite support to Gaza. Those things are examples of the actual human conscious. I love

him ,because he sits example for a Real Muslim Leader, the leader who does not steal , does

not lie for votes and gets in the game of politics with the least coincidences possible.

A thought ....

Maybe not THAT awkward after all!

To Save the Egyptian Revolution

I liked this article.

http://www.almadenahnews.com/newss/news.php?c=538&id=104378

Ya Rabb Save the Egyptian Revolution ,,,, We believed in it , It was the first thing that I thought to be conspiracy-theory-free since for ever. I believe it was the people fighting for what they need , want and crave.

But I did not really consider what would happen later when the romantic phase ends.

What will happen? What?

I will kiss you while the movie plays heheheheh

I have known my friends -and here I mean the closest circle of friends I have- 4 years ago. Throughout all those years we tried to pick a movie and just GO TO IT!! It never worked!! But today Aliet had to do some repression and decide for us , heheheeh ,,That worked really fine!!

We went to Al Barake Mall and watched the 8th and last movie of Harry Potter. Funny Fact: I have never watched , nor read any of the other 7 parts (Ok , I once watched one movie in Spain and I understood totally nothing) but in spite of me not understanding anything, I cracked in laughter for 2 hours straight!!

I dont know why,,, Maybe because the movie is too weird , and because they say very comliated things in a very serious tone that makes me go like: Be 3arth o5tak?!!! And being with Sara in the movies for the first time ever was sooooo good , we laughed our brains out.

3D glasses are yuck!!! I thought they are gonna be cooler ,,, There were little tiny tiny moments when I actually felt that things were flying from the screen to my face , but the rest of the time I had a headache.

Did I ever mention that I hate west amman? I do ,,, I feel like I need to have my passport on me as to go to that part of the city. People are weird and they talk to their children in English!!! (I just blog in English , curse in Spanish and SPEAK all the rest in Arabic) What is so wrong with people , did I say people? I meant BeoBle !!! Hahahahahah

After wards I walked sara back to university street and felt the funny funny feeling of finally being home .... Ayyyyy , I love those simple days , I just think that 5 years ago all of that was just a fantasy and now Its my Life :))))

As Real as It gets

Today we had our first meeting as a translation team.

Who are we? Well , I got a job , a freelancing translating job from Arabic to Spanish.

I went to the meeting with my heart pounding. I was afraid , this is gonna be the first time in which my Spanish is put on stake on a translation job. But I met my friend Dr Moayad on the way and he eased me into the idea. He is some kind of a Translation Idol for me , and when I saw that he was so enthusiastic I felt better and went to the meeting with high hopes.

It might be right what they say , that when you fear something it gives you pleasure afterwards!!

I am looking forward to it ,,, The first phase of our project is 13 months , in which I am suppozed to translate One Thousand Pages :))))))))))

We are meeting up soon to start translating and talk about details , but I decided that am gonna go on till the end , and do whatever it takes to make this happen.

God!! I already feel like a grown up!!!

Majed El mohandes: A song that takes me away ,, or close?

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Mírame con la mirada de un lobo ,,,,

Con los ojos entornados

y con el corazón alerto

Jordan Wins :)))

Jordan Won :))))))) Jordan won 2-1 in its game with China ,,,, Walla its great to see the lights of Amman international Stadium illuminating our entire neighbourhood

I love this man

Broken Icon that Breaks My Heart

I see my friend going with bald steps towards love , and although I am dying to meet the guy , get to know what he has that makes her happy but I think I will pass.

It might be a little selfish or egocentric, but I always get involved. The guy is gonna become my friend , we will talk about stuff , we will laugh about other stuff and afterwards if -only ''if'' in Gods omniscient knowledge- things dont work out between him and my friend , I will be hurt in the trickiest of all ways.

When a guy and a girl break up , there is an international handbook for their feelings. For the things they might feel , and the things that its ok for them to say and do. But nobody says anything about the custody of common friends!!

I remember in ''How I met Your Mother'' when Lily broke up with Marshal , and then they got back together , Ted told her that when she walked out on Marshal she walked out on Ted too , this is why he requested an apology.

This has happened once before, and I get too weird around my friend's Ex!! I dont seem to be able to pick the adequate topics , and I am always afraid to bring something up that would remind him of her. I dont even know If I am myself a sad memory from the days when he used to love her ....

I know this blog entry is so confusing , but I am trying to draw a line -not so thick though- between me and the new guy until the horizon brightens up a little.

Ya Rab Pick whats best for us all.

Never thought that this would feel so GREAT!!!

Today I had a moment in class that has surprised me deeply.

It was nothing actually, but one of my students formed this sentence: ''La lista de guardia está pegada en la pared''. Which is Spanish for: The list of guard duty is stuck on the wall.

And I felt so good!! So So So good!!! I have heard many teachers before say how good they feel when their students actually Get The Lesson , but I did not imagine that it would feel that great!!!

I dont usually tell them how proud I am of them ... I dont because I believe that learners have to feel bad about themselves ALL THE TIME in order for them to work harder. But here , in the intimacy of my blog I just say it: My boys are growing up!! They are speaking Spanish already :))))

A page from my paper Diary

Zebra Is Back On Town!!!!!

I love those pens!!! I used to write with them all the time when I was at school. Although I had separate pens by then , Pens for school and other pens for ''my diaries and my things''.

I always thought that pens have lives of their own and it would annoy them to be used to write down high school crap.

We were reunited after many years of searching in Al Ameryya store while I was buying my students El Libro de los Verbos Españoles.

Haaaaaaaaaa I love my life!!

Albalad: My Happy Place

Today I went to Albalad with my friends. It was great as always. We did the things that we normally do , and we took a lot of pictures. How come Alablad always feels good?

Today I noticed that Albalad has grown with me through all my phases. It was as perfect as childhood when I was a child. It was as perfect as a novel when I was a literature geek, and it perfect as the face of patriotism as home is all I crave now.

Today I saw Abu 3ali , the owner of the books kiosk , I talked to him as I used to do long long time ago. I reminded him of myself and he remembered me , and I asked him about my great great and favourite palestinian writer Ibrahim Nasralla and he gave me his phone number!!

I dont know what I am gonna do with his phone number. Is is possible that at some point I will have the guts to call him and tell him: Palestine means to me exactly what you wrote in your novel , nothing more and nothing less, and thanks for framing our national pain in the frame of a book? Is that possible?

I accidentaly ran through my childhood friend Dana , the friend that I have been trying to meet for the last two years and actually planned to meet her this very Monday. I was so happy ,,,, purely and originally happy ,,,, I hugged a true friend and this is a true gift from Allah.

I love walking around with Aliet and Rashati ,,, they help me overcome my silly ''people disease'' ,, they take me into crowded places , they mingle with strangers , they make the world look familiar.

I love my life ,,, Alhamdulillah

It could have been anyone at all ...

I cant believe that this is happening to me ....

For the first time in years something looks at me in the face and it takes me all that time to notice it...

I notice EVERYTHING!! How did THAT slip by me?!

It could have been anyone at all

I am Glad its you ,,,,,

In Spite of all that , I feel -like I have always felt- that good things come to my life to stay , but GREAT things only pass me by and they keep walking ,,,,

I pray that my fate will change , only this time ,,,, Oh God ,,, Listen to my prayers and lead me on the way

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Under my Umbrella I saw the sun but it did not burn

I heard the rain but I did not get wet

And I believed that in some magical way

If I jump It would make me fly ...

I did not fly , and my umbrella did not fit in my suitcase


España - Granada -Salobreña Octubre 2009