My ''Trip Morning Syndrome"

I think I have suffered from this syndrome all my life but never came to realize it until recently.

I am an adventurous person , I love travelling, seeing new places and absorb all the possible experiences. But -there is always a but- each time I am about to start a trip I get an impulsive need to lay down and simply ''not go''!!

It has happened when I was about to come to Spain the first time , the second time , to Madrid , to Barcelona and all the other tiny trips.

I now know that its a very temporary feeling , as soon as I am dressed and I have my backpack ready and am off to the street.

But today I woke up to go to Seville with the girls ,and the feeling was so clear , "I dont want to go". The girls tried to convince me but they could not, they went and I stayed awake , reading a little bit , writing and blogging most of the time.

Later in the evening I wondered: Why -really- did I feel like staying? -Besides being lazy of course- and It was clear inside my head, it is: The Pain of Al-andalus.

I might never ever be able to put this feeling in good words , but I know it in my heart ,,, Al-andalus is taking a good part of my inner peace , the simple idea that I am here -after all those years of longing- but now I feel like I see the things but I cant feel them ,,, Maybe its because Al-andalus is a thing made so we can miss , so we can cry over it in Nostalgy ,, but being there -actually being there- is just weird.

Looking up the mountain and seeing Alhambra every day , walking in the tiny streets of the old muslim neighborhood ,,, being in such a daily contact with those architectural miracles and those old old precious amazing breathtaking days ... all of that is just so exhausting.

One more important point: I cant treat Al-andalus as a field trip, with a bunch of women where we go to laugh , eat , take pictures and go home. They are important rituals for this great legacy and this is why I love the picture above: Its me , alone with the legacy of my ancestors , Alone with the culture , the immense beauty and my very personal and individual Andalusi experience.

Please words : help me take that out to the world to see