Dear Blog

I would just explode if I did not say this : I am helpless ,,,

It kills me that sometimes it happens that I am screaming about something inside my head , but outside my head I have to plat it cool.

Today I remembered something ,,, it is not that I forgot it , but it today it came crashing back into my memory , and I could not help to stop that flood of nostalgia.

I miss *************** ,,,, I cant retrieve that stage of my life , I cant fix it , I cant make things end on different terms , I cant talk about it again , I have already said all what I want to say ... I feel so helpless ,,,, so helpless and sometimes I think that fate might play a game for me but ....

this is a bad post , I am gonna leave it as it is

Today it was magical

Today I was wandering around the city , for some reason I felt like I wanna go somewhere but I dont feel good anywhere ,,,, I started taking random buses ,,, I landed in bus 33 -as always!1- I skipped stops and thought to myself: I will get down in the last stop.

The last stop was outside Granada!! It was in small town next to Granada caled Canes de laVega ... he picture up there is a gate placed in the middle of no where ,,, it overlooks a meadow where there was a horse and a farmer who looked at me for a moment and then went back to his work.

I sat there contemplating , thanking God for all that beauty and sensing it with all my senses ...

I walked around the town , I drank cafe in a bar that has a sweet waitress .. I read the newspaper then went out to walk ..

On my way I found a pubic library , I entered , I looked around then I signed up for a library card and sat there watching that special kind of earthy heaven ,,,, an old Grandian Villa that was transformed into a very neat library with all the books I wish to have and read ,,, I sat surrunded with dictionaries and I read ... I felt that nerdy type of happiness where the world outside seems to stop ,,,,

I don know ,,, this is a usual post about an unusual moment ,,, it was perfect and life was good.

New Banner

The good old days pass as fast as the Almond flowers fall ...

I know they turn into fruits, but they dont blossom anymore

I found a house ,,, I guess

So ,,,

after looking in the same website for free rooms throughout the last month , I decided today to find another one , and as soon as I looked I found an ad written by three spanish girls who are looking for a NORMAL girl to share with them their piso ,,,,

I smiled for the ad and called - I must have made a hundred of these calls in the last few days- and the girl on the other end seemed so laid back and cheerful , she asked me when I can come and I told her anytime before 10 oclock because Barcelona plays at 10 and she laughed and said that they are Barca fans too :))))))

I went to the airport, picked up the jordanian girls , took them home , went to the bar to see the game and afterwards I went to see the piso ,,,, as I looked I felt the I AM STAYING HERE and my heart went cold for a moment ,,, I meant to live in a more centric piso , this one is better than the one I used to be in but still needs walking from the city center.

The piso is fine , it is not amazing nor bad , its good ,,, it has a long terrace that goes around the entire house which means A LOT OF AIR ,, the room was great ,,, its wide and it has a lot of shelves for all of my stuff ,,, they have a lot of pictures on the walls of them in different places and they looked so happy and so dear to each other ,,,, I felt that there is love in the air ,, they are not only roommates , they are really good friends and I was happy to get this vibe.

As I walked out I felt something in the neighborhood ,,, I think I belong ,,, but anyway: Lets wait and see what happens next.

Draw the line: For once in my life

If I dont learn how and when I should draw the line between me and the others I will be losing another priceless phase of my life.

I start tomorrow , May God guide me and help me.

In a day like today last year

In a day like today I entered Alhambra for the very first time. I wanted to do the same today but I dont have th 12 euros for the entrance ,,,, May God ease this phase and Enshalla I will be making new memories.

Run for your innocence

A friend of mine once said: Bad things happen and you push them away, and say to yourself: Now things are gonna be better. But after a while you realize that life IS LIKE THAT and it takes a lot from you to accept this.

Today an incident happened in my apartment and I sat there for a while praying to God to make my mind stop repeating the bad words that were said to me. I just wanted the words to lose their echo , to sound normal and so they lose there power to take away any part of my inner peace.

I am growing up , I am realizing this as it happens and I know that I cant be everybody's pet...Some people are not gonna like me , some people are gonna try to hurt me and I should be able to play cool , take the high road and act mature or I will get my inner power canalized in the tiny stupid canals of daily bickering and then when my big moment comes I will find that I am no longer the special person I used to be , and I will find that I ran out of power and creativity.

I dont want to act like a prophet or a martyr , I am just willing to put aside all the ''earthy issues'' and focus ,,, EYES ON THE PRIZE,,, eyes on the great goals of my life and my existence and let the earthy people win their tiny battles, I dont mind losing ...

I love this Do3aa

عن ابن عباس رضي الله عنهما قال: كان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يدعو: رب أعني ولا تعن علي، وانصرني ولا تنصر علي، وامكر لي ولا تمكر علي، واهدني ويسر لي الهدى، وانصرني على من بغى علي، اللهم اجعلني لك شاكرا، لك ذاكرا، لك راهبا، مطواعا إليك مخبتا أو منيبا، رب تقبل توبتي، واغسل حوبتي، وأجب دعوتي، وثبت حجتي، واهد قلبي، وسدد لساني، واسلل سخيمة قلبي. والحديث في سنن الترمذي.

ومعنى واسلل سخيمة قلبي: أي غشه وغله وحقده وحسده ونحوها بما ينشأ من الصدر ويسكن في القلب من مساوئ الأخلاق.

Abu Keshk as well!!!!

http://www.ain.jo/node/158281

Read the article ....

What the hell is that!! Why is so complicated when it comes to a Jordanian player playing in any place but Jordan!!! They are gonna waste 4 months of a football players life for some stupid paper work that was not done on time!!!

What the hell!!!

What the hellllllllllllllllll!!!

Seeing more pisos .... What the hell!

I wasted those days of my life looking for pisos ... what is it with roommates who cant coordinate a meeting with a possible new roommate!!! What is it with people giving me the look as soon as they find out that I am an arab!!! Let alone the look they give to my Hijab!!! I am getting so damn sick!!!!

New Banner

I got an email: I am staying

Dear Granada ,,,,

God has given me the sign , and I am staying ... I am HAPPY

An article ,,, a thought: Messi and Barcelona are changing the face of football history

http://www.admcsport.com/ar/football/news/article-12934

Read this article ...

I was thinking about the exact same idea the last time I was getting dressed to go see the game in the bar. I said to myself: They are gonna be 90 minutes of one sided game and Barcelona will always win.

I love winning ,,,, but there has to be more ,,, there has to be a struggle ,,,

I love you Barcelona ,,, More than anything

The gypsy with the Guitar

This gypsy always walks around Granada with his guitar ... He treats the entire world as if it was his living room ... I envy him ... I wanna be him at some point

Too harsh or too bad?

Today I was reading that Amer Shafee the goalkeeper of Jordan's national Football team has received an ethical penalty for disagreeing with a referee therefor he will not be playing for the next for months , he wont be able to play with Jordan's official team nor with his club Nadi Al-Wihdat.

The worst part of it all that in this particular time of his career he has been receiving a lot of offers from clubs all over the world, and now with this ban -that was confirmed by the Asian Football Union- he would not be able to play with the club that would bother to buy him!!

He is 28 years old for God's sake!! Thats like 100 years old in football , and such a ban is putting his entire career at stake.

Shafee had always had a reputation of being a snapper and guy with anger management issues , but this is too harsh and a great loss of a great goal keeper.

I heard Jordanian young people are signing a petition to Prince Ali bin Al Hussein in order to soften the ban a bit , hence that the incident in which the ban is based was too usual.

I dont know ,, I have always loves Shafee , Always wanted to see him playing in a great great international team and come back with techniques and wits for our national team , Enshalla prince Ali would do something about it ...enshalla

معلش يا بلدي

Egypt

Egypt

Egypt

Pray for our people in Egypt ,,,,

Seeing myself in the mirror of the other... Maida

Tonight I went out with my Egyptian friend Maida ,,, We sat and talked about the ''Pain of Being energetic'' and what comes afterward of ''high expectations , disappointments and depression.

We talked about separate experiences that turned out to be the same , and I felt so relieved , that I am not alone and that there is another woman going through the same thing that I am going through every day.

We talked about our challenges , our fears and our guilts , the little things that form a barrier between us and the goals we want to achieve.

We put a plan formed from 3 points only for what we want to accomplish next semester ,and we are gonna pray for each other for guidance and we are gonna follow the plan and see how it ends.

Enshalla It will work out ,,, I love seeing myself in my friend as much as it pleases that she sees herself in me.

A picture of Granada ,,,

This picture made me sigh deeply ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dont know , I am being so melancholic those days but as I took this picture with the stupid camera that I have now ,the good colors reminded me of my original Canon , and that reminded me of the Granada I used to see ...

This is exactly my Granada , the neighborhood of Cerveza Alhambra -a local beer fabric- and the smell and the blueness of the sky ...

I just sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Alhambra at night ... Something Big... Something Magical

Tonight, Lubna Rasha and the Spanish Laura we were sitting in Konya eating Shawerma when I said: Wanna go to Alhambra? It was already 10,30 and they agreed.

We took the bus and entered from the back gate -Gate of King Carlos the Fifth- .... we passed through ''Puerta del Vino'' -Whine Gate- and sat on a wall that separates the Alcazaba -the military fortress- from Los Palacios Nazries -The daily use palaces- .

We sat there , sang , danced , squealed -even pulled the attention of the night guard- and we talked.

Laura is an amazing spanish friend we have who learns arabic , and so we started listening to arabic music and we picked ''Kon Sadiki'' by Majida Eroumy and started singing like a team, meanwhile I translated the words of the poem to Laura ,,, She was like ''Oh my God this song is amazing ,, it has deeply touched my heart'' and we were like: ''Yeah we have said that about this particular song million times before''.

The silence of alhambra tonight ,,, and the souls of those who were in it and who are still in it -based on my own deep feeling- are the biggest factors that I am whom I am today and this is the reminder for what I want to do when my path goes all foggy.

I love you Alhambra ... I miss your good old days.

I am considering things ,,,,

Madam Buvary: One more Book

Recently I finished reading ''Madam Buvary" by Gustav Flaubert. Its the first 400 pages book that I read on my E-book and I really think that this is working out.

I loved the novel although it takes unexpected turns each time I think I figured it all out. In spite of that ,its one of those works of art that talk about infidelity therefor I feel ethically obligated to hate the protagonist. But the truth is I did not hate Madam Buvary, nor her simple poor husband, but I pitied her ,,, She always longed for things she thought that she is made for , but the truth was that she is not made for them. She did not accept her reality , ad tried to change it with the most depending method, she always thought that what she needs would be provided by men and she swung from the hands of one man to the other. She did not work on herself , she did not see what she lacked and she though she was entitled to judge the world , starting from her husband to all the people of her town.

At the end , it was clear that she was the worst between all and that everyone had a way out from that tiny town , except for her , she ruined herself and her family just because she was inadequate for the luxury of ambition.

Mubarak who can never get the message!

I am sue that bloggers all over the arab world are talking about the same thing , and I cant think of anything that no one has said before , but this man should leave.. leave ... leave and save the souls of those who are putting their own lives at stake for EGYPT!

Leaving Granada Behind me

When I walk around ground I go deaf and dumb , my sight becomes bolder and I get lost inside the visions ,,, I cant believe that I am actually capable of loving something that much,, still I cant believe its possible to be that emotionally involved and still feel that distant! I feel like I am seeing Granada through glass , I can see her but I cant touch her nor hear her or smell her and most importantly: That Adrenaline Carnaval that used to race through my veins, where did it go?

Whats happening to me?

Egypt: He is not going anywhere!

And that poor bastard is still insisting on his stupid bullshit!!!

I wish that people would get their grip on him , then I will pull a chair and just watch!