My new home :)

Today I woke up lazy in my OWN bed , I have a flu and I was a bit dizzy but I was happy to be at HOME , my home where I feel ok being in the bed as long as I want , not having to prove anything to anybody.

Thanks to God ,,, I am Perfectly happy

First class given

I gave the first english class ever ... and I got 10 euros :)

I HAVE MONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I wanna scream this from the top of my lungs: I walked by the ATM and out of pure curiosity I checked my account and it had 2000 euros that I did not expect!!!

I have money!!!!

الـ"جيد"ا

كنت أريد أن أقول هذا من قبل و لكنني لم أفعل، تبعاً لنظريتي بأن كتابةالأشياء تجعلها حقيقية و راسخة .

كنت أشاهد مسلسل

Amor en Tiempos Revueltos

و شاهدت اللقطة التي تعرّفت فيها البطلة على زوجها. كانت خارجة للتو من مخيمات التعذيب الالمانية و ذهبت لتعمل في بيت هوى في باريس ، و في أول ليلة لها تعرّفت على شابّ من موظفي السفارة الغواتيماليّة ، أخذ يتحدّث معها ، و طلب منها أن يستمرّا في الكلام، لأن الكلام مع امرأة مميزة مثلها شيء ممتع بحد ذاته.

و بعد ذلك تزوجا. فقط. و الشيء الذي يربط بينهما عميق و راسخ و حقيقي. و رغم أنه قد لا يبدو شيئا مهماً أو واضحاً بالنسبة للآخرين إلا أنه بالنسبة لهما الشيء ذي الثقل الأكبر في كل تكوينهما.

ما أشعر به في هذا البيت يخيفني. و هذا الكلام لا علاقة له بالأشخاص الذين أشاركهم السكن ، و لا بما مررنا به حتى الآن – هذا هو يومي الرابع هنا – و لكن لأن كل شيء "جيد". لا شيء ممتاز . جيّد.

الموقع جيّد، الأثاث جيّد، حركة الهواء جيّدة ، أدوات المطبخ جيّدة و لكنني لا أشعر بالبيت ينظر إلي عندما أنظر إليه ، و لا أشعر بالطاقة تختصُّ بي أنا شخصياً...

طاقة البيت جيدة، و لكنها كانت لتكون هكذا بالنسبة لأي ساكنة سواي .

هذا لا يعني أنني حزينة أو مكتئبة أو منطوية ، أنا فقط جيدةز و هذا بحد ذاته ليس سيئاً، و لكنني انهمكت في البحث عن بيت منذ شهر أيّار ، و اتصلت على الأقل بمئة شخص طيلة هذا الوقت، و اتصلت بالكثيرين هنا و عاينت عدة بيوت و في النهاية اخترت هذا البيت.

قبل أن أوقّع العقد شعرت بالرغبة ولأكثر من مرة بأن أتصل بصاحبة البيت ، و ان أطلب منها أن تبحث عن غيري ، و ما كان هذا ليكلفني أي مبلغ ، و كان بإمكاني أن أبقى في بيت مريم أو رنا أو حتى في فندق ، و مع ذلك لم أتصل و ألغ العقد.

هل هذا هو "النصيب" الذي يتحدث عنه كل الناس ؟ "النصيب الحرامي" الذي "يجن" فيجعلنا نفعل أشياء لم نكن قد فكرنا بها من قبل ؟

هذا البيت لا يهمني . لا يهمني بمعنى أنه مسألة هامشية و على كل حال لن تدوم لأكثر من تسعة أشهر . و لكنني فقط أفكّر عندما أجلس على الشرفةة في الليل ، إن كان من الممكن أن أجلس ذات يوم إلى جوار رجل "جيد" ، و أرى أنه مجرّد "مسألة وقت"؟

لهذا فقط أنا خائفة ، و ما سوى ذلك أنا جيدة

الخميس 16 – 9 -2010

The german guy of the Locutorio

So today I was sitting in the locutorio trying to chat with my parents but all computers were stupid and did not work , and I had to change my pc many times until I sat next to a guy , who has a long blonde beard and a face full of peace. He was wearing Sunna short dishdashe and he was watching youtube videos of a Shiekh who looks like the sheikh in the picture.

He was watching with so much care , and he was enthusiastic ,,, I could not help but ask him stuff , he answered me without looking at me : He is german , he converted to Islam 7 years ago and he doeas not have a ''converting breathtaking story'' , he said: I converted to Islam because Islam is natural.

He was a bit mean , you know , not making any type of eye contact and hardly giving full answers to my questions and not asking anything back , but he was a delight , seeing him that enthusiastic after seven years gave me hope and refreshed my heart .

Hope I would see him around again ,,,,

Never been that troubled before

My friend changed an option in my laptop connection and now it does not connect on any wireless network unless the damn thing is attached with a cable to the router!!

That was two days ago , now it does not even connect with the cable plugged

I moved to my house and my house does not have internet

it would not connect in konya

and when I went to an iternet shop to skype with my family all the microphones did not work!!

An entire hour that costed me a Euro - I only have 30 euros till the end of this fucking month- i could not make them hear my voice , i can hear them but i cant reply ,, , I am frustrated , I feel totally disconnected from everyhting .,...

Whats Gods plan? I really wanna know , because I dont like the whole thing of Spain this time , and I almost hate this house , its just bringing me bad luck !!!!

A House not yet a Home :)

I went yesterday after posting my last post to the other house , and as I got there I was surprised with how clesn the house is!! It is not ''Spanish clean'' , but its ''Jordanian clean'' no offense but we do have different concepts of what is a clean and tidy house ...

The house looks like a house of a family , not like the other pigstys that they offer for students , when I got into my room it was so god damn clean!!! I could not care less about the window that overlooks the lavadero (at least the lavadero has a window) . Mari Angeles the landlord, showed me around the house with her amazing style of talking , laughing and making jokes.

Her husband was there too , his name is Paco , such a delight!!! he was fixing things around the house and when I told him about the water hose I wabt to install in the bathroom he immedeately got the idea becuase he said he saw it in a hotel somewhere !! (Really! where? they stopped installing them in the 5 stars hotels of Jordan ,, oh yeah , tell me how sore your butt is gonna be without this magical invention and then we can talk about all the stars!).

I saw only two of the 4 roommates , MArta an dTeresa , the other two where not home . The balcony is just great with a lot of air , really high in the sky and it overlooks a very neat and clean street -camino de ronda- , so to be honest: I did not feel a magical vibe. You know? I t was fine , I loved the place , the peopl , the idea of having not only 1 or 2 or 3 roommates but 4 and the four of them are from Andalucia!!! its what I craved since the beginning , and I liked how clean and perfect everything is ,,,

SO I told Mary Angeles if I should pay insurance and she said yes ,,, I was like mmmm , I told her I should make a phone call and then I will call you and tell you if I am taking the house or not ,,,she was ok with it and I left.

On the sidewalk I called my friend Meryam and asked her if she can lend me the money and she said yes right away , so I called MAria again and told her that everyting is set. She said that I can come to the house today at 7, so I would pay her the money and she would take a copy of my passport and she will hand me the contract on Monday enshalla.

I got a little worried over the night ,,, Its commitmnet I guess , and who ever said that commitments are easy to commit with heheheheh , I prayed durong the night asking God to guide me to whats best for me and Enshalla everything is gonna be great.

Camino De Ronda : WATCH OUT HERE I COME :)

I think I found my house

Today I was serious about getting over with the housing issue , so I got to the street on the morning and I collected phone numbers from ads and I started calling and visiting right away.

I think I walked almost 5 kilometers going around the entire city from an apartment to another , the first one was good except for my room and I received a negative vibe from the girl who was showing me around, the rent is expensive: 200 euros , no internet and no central heating>>> out

The second house , was situated in an amazing place where I have always wanted to live ''Gran Capitan'' but the girls living in the house were two Moroccan girls and a German girl , the girl told me that before she opened the door and I felt like: Ok I wanna turn my back and leave now ,,, I want to speak Spanish as much as possible , so No, and when I got in the NO got bigger because the house was disgustingly tiny and my room is exactly a match box with a tiny mat and a huge bed - or maybe the bed is fine but the room makes it look big- and add to that , that the bathroom has no ass washing devices which is ultimately disgusting >>> No

I went out and sat in a park and collected more numbers and called , I had an amazing call with a woman who owns a ahouse that has 5 rooms , 4 o fthem have girls from Andalucia: Cadiz Cordoba and Malaga , which is amazingly great for my language , she said that the house is good but my room is interior - its windows overlook the inside of the building- so I was like: mmmm but we have a date tonight at eight to see how this works out for me .... I was so thrilled over this house with the big number of people in it but in spite of that I collected more numbers and called just to have fun and enjoy the process ... three houses had guys in them , two houses were already rented and two did not pick up. Then I called a house which was far "Plaza de Torros" and they said I can come over and see the house.

I thought a couple of times in my way to the house that I am too tired to keep on walking so I am just gonna forget about this house , but I was shy to turn people down keeping in mind that they waited for me for 45 minutes.

I got there and the sister of one of the residents picked me up from the street ,,, she has an amazing warm welcoming face that made me feel comfortable right away. I got to the house - which has the cheapest rent of all 137,5 euros- it is almost ''little'' but very airy with a big balcony half of it faces the salon and the other half faces my own room!!!! I was through the roof when I saw that my room has a balcony of its own, and when I got inside the room I liked the bed and the TWO tables!!

The bathroom has two seats , one of them is for cleaning the devices !!! Just like the ones we have in Jordan!!! I did not see the other two girls but they told me they are from Cordoba and Toledo and they talk a lot - which I need - ... I left feeling so happy , under the house there is a lot of bars and a lot of people moving but no cars noise ,, there is a grocery store a Chinese shop a crossan shop and there is a ''Dia'' in the back ,,,,

I am going in few hours to see the other house with the 5 rooms - 170 euros monthly - and I am a little bit reluctant but I think I will just need to see my room that overlooks NOthing and then I might be able to decide once and for ever heheheheh

I have a good feeling :)

Men: All Generlizations are wrong ,, oh yeah

Well I was looking for some other picture but I found that this one is just fine.

Men are insecure and thats the end of it. I hate generalising , its a very unacademic kind of attitude but this is how I saw it throughout an incident that happened to me recently.

Men like to think that women ar enot reliable , weak , reluctnat and unable to take lif decisions.

And I think that this is right in a way - but of course not the way men see it- . I have seen a lot of my dear arab sisters who are pampered ,, really pampered , they dont wory about a thing and there is always somebody to take care of things. This is good for a specefic extent and then it becomes a tomb where a womans abilities are being burried , and when they end up in a situation like mine : many miles away from home and without anyone they know among reach they frek out.

So what? is not that just natural? A human being who has never done his\her work is now asked to do everything on his\her own, so what if he\she screw up a little? get things mixed out or lose control?

ITs just disgusting how some men forget the phase of ''not knowing'' ... they forget that at some point they knew nothing and they wre just like the pesron they are mimicking now!!!

I am mad ,,,, a man talked on the back of girls whom I dont know , but I feel so sorrey for the way this dumb ass sees them , feeling all mighty and knowingly above them . Shame on you ,,, oh really shame on you

ِAbu Lela

I usually dont post on the walls of facebook groups. I just read what others say and thats just it. But as I am lately watching ''Abu Janti'' series and I really like the character of Abu Lela , so I found this group for him and I posted on its wall a phrase that really made me laugh.

اشتري خبز و وزع على روسا

A minute later I got a notification that the group administrator commented on my phrase , for a stupid reason I got a little bit nervous heheheh , he just posted a looool ....

This reminds me of an old history I had with internet and especially discussion forums where comments really used to irritate me and make me self conscious about my own opinions. When I look back at that era from my life - that lasted for 5 years- I realize that I would not have been the same if it was not for it , but still it reminds me of all the cruelties people are able to do to strangers ,,, why were they so mad at life and so determined to pull all their mental sicknesses on the weak - me- ?

My house: Is not the one :s

Ok ,, I went to the house , I spent the evening , ate my food spent the night watching neighbors and slept the rest of the time.

Then I had a funny feeling : The house is just disgusting and the amount of effort I should put in cleaning it is better put in another thing. Things happened with Alaa's mum and so I was sure that its not the one for me.

I so desperately wanted it to work out but it did not,,, It did not