Dear Blog

Sometimes I feel like looking back one year erlier to see , what was I thinking a year ago from today ,,,, For this I feel some kind of disappointment when a day passes and dont blog , not even a word.

For the last period of time I have been - and still - going through a weird phase , I have a lot to say but letting it out takes an effort way much bigger than before.

My mom keeps connecting the situation to Spain ,,, sometimes I agree with her , sometimes I just say ¨What does Spain have to do with this?!¨....

I drown for hours in ideas ,and when I go back to the real world I realize that I am growing up as I think .... I have changed a lot in the last few months , I have doubled and tripled in experience and suddenly I feel funnily sad!!

I know its weird to use the adverb ¨funnily¨ before the adjective sad but this is the most adequate way to describe what I am going through ,,,, I am a jovial person , a little bit indifferent and cant possibly ever be sad ,,, but I do feel displaced - still- and I had to say good bye to too many people at once...

Years ago I experienced my first loss when my best friend graduated from school and I was left alone. Then my mom told me that in life we keep on losing people so we can win others , life will keep changing the faces around us and they are very few those who are gonna stick for ever. I could not understand by then , or let say : i did not want to ,,,, understanding is letting go , and letting go is risking losing people for ever...

I feel its not mature to miss people but I cant help it ... Ever since I came back from Spain the faces of the people I knew hunt me when I go to bed ... I miss the people with whom I met spontaneously while crossing corridors and closing doors ,,,

The faces of people with whom I never talked , and the faces of the those with whom I maintained the same conversations ,,, the chinese woman and her husband who used to sell me candy , the guys who worked in the newspaper kiosk and the boys of the residency saying a polite Hola while entering or leaving the dorm ...

I miss my friends a lot , a lot ,,, I miss those whom i bit i will never get to see again ,,, but mostly I miss those whom I ran out of subjects to talk about with them ... this really hurts , the shiver that my heart makes when one of them is online , I can see him/her but i dint start a conversation nor do they ....

I know that this is the circle of life , but its taking time ,,,, I need more time ,, a little bit more time

The theme of this blog entry and the above picture: Keep hanging on to things as long as you feel like it , no pressure dear me , the moment will come and i will be able to cut the cord.

With Love:

Takwa