When I am wide awake I get sometimes the urge to cry loudly ,, you know Not the gasping and sniffing crying but the loud crying with huge huge amounts of air sucked in after each round. I rarely get to do this during the day , but sometimes I wake up and find that my subconscious has done it on my behalf: my pillow is full of eyeliner. Thats not sad by the way , its the most normal thing when you wish to have things you will never ever have ..
The hardest of all that it is not that somebody is holding you back , its YOU who does not accept it.. Its nice to have principles but sometimes - at some hard evil times- you just wish that a miracle would have the kindness to come and ease your ethical torture ...
I wish I can say more, but I am just wishing that this will pass ... I am looking forward to the day when I look back at now and say: Oh,, that was stupid!! ... but what hurts the most that NOW you have to leave behind you the dearest face you ever saw ... Now thats really sad!
No comments:
Post a Comment