Technological Scares: Google Hangout For Example!

I remember the first time I tried Skype. I guess if I search back in this blog I could find an entry about how excited I was about the mere idea of being able to talk to people who are far far away, see them as well and having all of this for free.

It was huge, exciting and overwhelming. And now as I am writing these lines I am in a "Google" training workshop, to use Google tools for journalists, and they introduced us to Google Hangout.

When I saw the page's layout with my friends faces on it I got a technological scare.
That sudden feeling of coldness and nudity. Really ,,, each time I go a step further in the world of communication I feel that I am naked in front of strangers. Add to that the fact that Skype taught me that talking is overrated!!

Don't get me wrong, I am one of God's most talkative creatures, but still Skype taught me that there is a point where I actually freaking run out of topics!!

It has happened many times so far that I terribly miss someone whom I can simply talk to on Skype (Afifi for example) but it is always a hug burden.

Maybe, it has something to do with my "Blabbing attitude" at home. When I am at home I dont talk, and I cant blame it on my family, who make it really hard to communicate with the outer world when we are together, but it is just me.

Just me, my anti-social beast that is buried under the piles of  "Talkativisim" that I practice. 

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في مثل هذا اليوم من عام 2005 أنهيت حفظ القرآن الكريم من الجلدة للجلدة. هسا بس حسيت اني كنت حافظة مش فاهمة. مشتاقة لربنا!!

#ردنا_إليك_غير_خزايا_ولا_محزونين
#يا_شمس_المساكين

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~عندما تقرأ كتاباً لكاتب مات، تقرأ ببطء. تخشى إن أنت أسرعت أن تعرف كل ما قاله فيموت بداخلك مرة أخرى~

جو النص: صباح مع مجموعة محمد طمليه القصصية.

The Bruno Mars Way: Today I dont Fell Like Doing Anything

As I was shooting all week, and I crossed the entire city various times carrying the JVC camera and the tripod all time, today I was dead.

It was not actual pain in a specific point, but I just felt that the last vertebrae in my column were compressed, AND I was tired, really tired and a bit (well, not a bit) sad. So I did not get up.

I dont have classes on Wednesdays, yet I have never spent a single Wednesday at home. I always have something to do or people to hang out with, and spending a day at home is against my beliefs.
but today I stayed.

I got up finally at 3,30 just to pray, and if it was not for the prayer I would not have got up at all. 

When my Mom saw me I felt like I fell in the trap. First she was mad that I skipped class and we started the ''since for ever'' conversation of ''all mothers sympathize when their children are sick except for mine,....


This is an old draft!! I dont remember what I wanted to say, but this is the part I have ,,, so here it is!

A Song Surfacing on my Subconscious

I did not have any sleep. Neither good nor bad sleep, I was rolling all night.  I had a lot of work for today (that I am postponing until I finish this blog entry) and I was sad when I went to bed. Nostalgic is the word. I miss someone (and I am not gonna post the name so it wont hurt later when I re-read this) and it is not that I cant see him, he is right there in front of me but my heart has anger!! (God! I never thought that I would ever feel this! Anger in MY heart?! how did that even happen).

It is really confusing. How someone could split your own heart for you, a part of you misses him and the other part just sits there being as hostile and aggressive as possible! (Well , who am I kidding, I am socially retarded).

So, as I slept I had a dream of a song of Om Kalthoom, I could not remember the whole thing when I woke up, I only recalled 4 words of it so I googled them , and it turns out that the song goes like this:

خاصمتك بيني وبين روحي وصالحتك وخاصمتك تاني
واقول ابعد يصعب على روحي تطاوعني لا يزيد حرماني
حافضل احبك من غير ما اقلك ايه الي حير افكاري
لحد قلبكما يوم يدلك على هواي المداري
ولما يرحمني قلبك ويبان لعيني هواك
وتنادي ع اللى انشغل بك وروحي تسمع نداك

ارضى اشكي لك من نار حبــــــــــــــي وابقى احكي لك ع الي ف قلبــــــــــــي
واقلك ع الي سهرنـــــــي واقلك ع الي بكاني
واقول يا قلبي ليه تخبي وليه يا نفسي منعاني


My sub-conscious has its own ways I must say.


Gahhhhh .... I am just gonna go work now, Bye

Doubt and Jealousy

 How can people live with the doubt? It is feeding on my soul. The other night I woke up at the middle of the night as the thought was puncturing the thin walls of my dreams that it woke me up.

I am sick ... physically and emotionally. I never experienced such a feeling. I never cared what is going between whoever, now I care and it hurts. The feeling of losing faith .... I waited so long until I could feel ''faith'' towards another human being, it was taken away from me so quickly that It makes me feel lonely and used.

For sure I know that I have not been cheated on, I am sure , and I am not even worried, but in spite of all the peace in my heart still the sight of this freaking woman makes me lose it ... I dont hate her, I feel sorry for her, I wish she could be happy somewhere else.

I wish that this world would end soon ,,, really , it gets complicated and there are no clear ends of the misery.

Ps: En la memoria de Señor Desveloso y la señora de las 4 niñas. Joder :)