Cosas De La Vida

وأنا أمرُّ ببابِكِ الموصودِ ،

تمحو ركبتيَّ الريحُ

لا أجدُ الرصيفَ ولا الشوارعَ

كلُّ شيءٍ ضاقَ في معناهُ

حتى تهتُ في رؤياي !!

ن.ر

I wonder why I hate Everybody

I am thinking of making a template out of this entry, so I would just post it over and over again each time I feel the thing that I am feeling now. You know, the feeling of despair and losing faith in humanity after taking a look at Facebook entries ... you just cant believe what people are conversing about , crazy photographers taking pictures of crap and thinking they invented Photography , lousy translators who have no clue about what they are doing and they cant see - no matter how hard they look- that there is a relation between language and culture. Men and aomen describing their shallow love stories with lines taken from poems that they dont even understand ,,, and everyone's constant need to prove to the world that they are living the perfectest life ever.

I feel like crap, why be ashamed with that? Why post a dozen of pictures pausing like a Ho and writing a caption about how much I dont care about the world ,,, well you know something? You not caring is something that we dont care about, and you just cant say that you dont care about me not caring, simply because you posted it and you get an adrenaline rush with every notification.

Facebook , is a parade of weirods ,,, I wish I can flee that 

Raj's Shirt

There is a quote that goes like this: "The real problem with life that it  does not have background music".

 This Shirt of Raj just does it! It puts the music that goes with your situation ,,, would not that be Perfect!

Books Killing me Softly: العمى - خوسيه ساراماغو

I finished reading Blindness by Saramgo.

The book disgusted me , freaked me out and then it made pause and think. I think if the entire novel was to be narrowed down to one idea then it would be "The burden of the world when you are the only sane person while everybody else has gone insane". 

People From Old Prestigious Democracies Acting Like Dictators

Check this picture as it was posted on 9gag.com

http://9gag.com/gag/5059223

It was posted under the title of:

I present: Ridiculously Photogenic Syrian Rebel Fighter

Now here is the thing. Before I started studying languages I confess that I used to be somehow close minded about "The Others". I did not much about their cultures and I had pre-judgements. But after having learned new languages , having mingled with people from a lot of foreign countries and basically after travelling and living in a city where too many international students meet, I have radically changed. 

You just cant meet people, converse with them, eat , laugh , walk and travel with people without being influenced by them. After all, human beings are nice and they connect on a human level that no one can deny. 

Still when you read through the comments that follow such a picture it hits you how ignorant and snobby people can be. It is not that I want the entire world to sympathize with my Arab or Muslim issues, but it just fills me with anguish when people from other cultures fail to see the human aspect of our miseries. 

How can a father or a mother see the piled corpses of savagely killed Syrian children and not sympathize? 

Really! I am not waiting for the entire world to go out on a demonstration against the criminal regime (although I cried infront of   Tv when I saw tha Spanish demonstration in Madrid in support of the Syrian civilians) but it would be so nice if they stopped calling us terrorists. It is not a very hard or controversial case, it is just a dictatorship killing its pacific demonstrators so they had to fight back because everyone has the right of resistance.  What is so terrorist about that? 

But still this is not my point. My point is that western people in general were raised in prestigious democracies, they have always voted in civil elections and got to choose who governs them ,they grew up in an educational system that gives much importance to debate and conversation , that teaches you how to think and how to accept others even if you disagree with them. 

How can people who grew up  in such circumstances act like dictators in a simple 9gag conversation, discarding every argument "the other" has to offer? How can they judge us, judge our cases and our circumstances without even giving us the chance to explain what we are witnessing with our own eyes or through relatives and friends , and through the perspective of any media network? 

If the most civilized peoples of the world are acting this way, and reflecting that on the internet (which is humanity's only way of communication) then where is the hope of a better future?  

My Life is not Mine

A friend once said to me that women live their lives based on a postponed decision. Now I realize that he was not being dramatic and what he is said applies 100% percent to the reality.

Always, in the back of my mind, I know that this is how things are going in the world, it makes me sad at times, but most of the time I try to no focus on it and just get busy with work. But as I am living one of the most boring and life sucking eras of my life it becomes more obvious.

I was just browsing Facebook and I came across a group called "If you love Egypt support it by visiting it" and as I looked at the pictures I saw this picture of Al Azhar. I thought it was a great picture of a place that I have heard much about but never actually got to wonder what does it look like. I thought that I love Egypt and I would like to support it but this is a discourse that is not for me. It is for those who own their lives and their decisions , those who say: "Oh, I would like to see the inside of Al-Azhar" so they just start packing and they go.

It is not because I dont have money , or because I am young (I am not anymore) but it is because I am a woman. I have to ask for permissions for everything, life is never about what I "want'' to do , but it is about whether they will "let" me or not.

I grow old , but it's in vain, because each time I think that I can take hold of my decisions I get a huge bold  hit of reality that I am just a part of someone else's decision (Whether it is my father my brother , or that man that I am gonna end up with).

They dont see it this way at all ,,, they are not conscious of the feeling of disability that takes over my soul just because I can long to things but I cant get them. I know that the solution of rebelling is always present, but I was hoping for a simpler life with the least amount of negative feelings ,,, without yelling at anybody, without having to point out the rotten ideas that people have in their minds while sounding like a smug!

I want simple things ,, nice things ,,, I am not offending anybody , why does my little needs sound so offending to the poeple who are supposed to love me most?

Me in the Mosque after all that time

After I came back from Taraweeh today I realized that it was the first time I ever go to mosque ever since I came back from Spain!

There, I went every Friday and various times through the week, sometimes because I was feeling alone, and sometimes because I thought the mosque is being alone ,,, I used to love that place, It was so safe and happy ,, detached from the emptiness and vanity of the world.

Here in Jordan I never had the tradition of going to the mosque and I think this is something that I should change. It is so nice! Praying with an Imam makes one realize how fast we usually pray! Really, the way he read Al-Fatiha made me feel like I hear it for the first time in my life! He is an Iraqi blind young man -Dad told me so- and his voice is not only peaceful , but it is full of music, he changes scales based on the meaning of the verse he is reading! Just Perfect.


Since the beginning of Ramadan I wanted to go to Taraweeh but remembering the sight of children jumping all over the women's oratorio freaked me out, but alhamdulillah very few children were present today , maybe because Ramadan is almost over?

listen to this video , Shaikh Mohammad Rashad Sharif ,,, the best person who recites Quran -in my humble opinion- :

The Road Not Taken

I dont know if I did post this poem before in this blog, but it means a different thing each time I read it. Actually it means the same thing but it reflects differently on my reality as I grow up and evolve.

Those moments of my life are moments of picking a road. Sometimes I take it way too seriously and some other times I just feel young and capable of making any choices and just living with them because "why not?" ... Everything is possible ,,, Oh Life ,,, Amazing place to be in 

New Gadget: Books Killing Me Softly

So Here is a gift From August , My month , a new Gadget where I keep a list of the books that am done reading.

I believe the books that I am reading are making things harder for me, each time you expand your horizon things get a little bit loose and you loose the grip. Yet when you know the freedom that reading gives you , you know for a fact that you cant have enough and you cant stop. You want to know more, although knowing hurts and burdens you with responsibility.

The First two books are the books that I read in June and July. Not as much books as I should have read in two months of pure unemployment , but they are good for now.

Both of them have really touched me. Azazeel though had a pretty amazing poetic language that captured me from the first till the last. Both books explore almost the same area in the mind of the believer. What If what I believe in is simply not right? What if the others are right?

They are totally worth the time and the effort. Two great books :)

 مسرحية حياة غاليليو - برتولد بريخت