A Page From my Paper Diary: Five Years of Spanish

في وسط هذا الليل، توصلت إلى شيء... 

الشوق إلى غرناطة يشبه وحشاً من قصة خياليّة. 

أذكر اللون الجحيمي الذي كانت تتشي به الغيوم ساعة الغروب في السماء فوق محطة الباصات. كنت - و مازلت- أؤمن بأن السماء تنتهي هناك في المساءات و تبدأ من هناك في الصباحات، بغض النظر عن كروية الأرض و كل هذا الهراء. 

تلك الغيوم تتحوّل في لحظاتٍ رحمانية أو شيطانيّة إلى مارد هائل، أصله في الأرض و منكباه في السماء،تمتدّ قبضتاه الهائلتان إليّ حيثما كنت و تنتزعانني مما أنا فيه، من نعيم أو جحيم، تنفضان عني عوالق عالمي و ترفعانني على صليب لامرئي من الشوق معلق بين الأرض و السماء. 

شوقٌ عظيم عظيم، لا يكنّه أحدٌ لأحد، و لا مواطنٌ لوطن ،و لا سطر لكتاب .. شوق يكاد يكون له جسد. 

ثمّ كما ظهر، يختفي ماردي، و يفلتني، فأهوي، لا تأخذني سماء، و لا تتلقفني أرض.. فقط، أجدني، هنا ، وهكذا ، و هي، هناك ، و كما هي ، و بيني و بينها قارتان و بحر و جواز سفر و أختام و موظفون متجهمون.

غرناطة .. هل تسمعينني؟ 

فجر ٢٩-٧-٢٠١٢

مضت ٥ سنوات على 

قصتى الإسبانية

تقوى 

Oh Look!

Oh Look! They published the song that I mentioned!
Is not that cute? 

Mingling with Interpol and stuff :p

For the last three days I have been interpreting a conference in Marriot, and it was some serious stuff. A Conference organized by the Jordanian Anti-Corruption Commission and the Jordanian Interpol office along with representatives of Interpol and public securities from all over the world.

Mmmmm, I have a feeling that there is much to say about this experience.Well, lets start with the linguistic conquest. 

When they first called me for the conference I was so worried that I could not sleep. I felt that the topic was so hard and I thought I might just drown if I could not interpret. But alhamdulillah I managed perfectly , and I had the best interpretation partner Dr Moayad. He is calm, smart and gifted. I used to sit next to him as he interpreted and write down all the terms and the new vocabulary. I felt that I have learned in those 3 days more than all what I have learned in university after returning from Spain. 

The conference's topic was pretty interesting although it has flooded me with the sensation of vanity that conferences usually give me. You know, people in suits speaking seriously about topics that do not make life better directly. The conference was about a web that the Interpol has to connect all police bodies of the world in order to provide information about  the money that gets transferred after crimes of corruption. Cases like the case of Tunis and Egypt, when presidents were tumbled and the money they have stolen has disappeared. 

But yet there was a very interesting observation: Why did we go to Marriot to talk about corruption and the recovery of stolen assets? I could not stop thinking about that each time I looked at the fancy decorations, each time I ate from the fancy lunch buffet or even enjoyed a great cup of hot coffee. Why? All of that money, why?

I worked with a nice group, the other interpreters were fun to be around, and it is always nice to work with weirdos , they just enhance your human experience :p 

I got to sit silently writing and smoking in a very nice terrace alone with my coffee, and I got to live my Ammani experience from a new place , and that on its own is an amazing thing. 

Finally , I have to mention that interpretation is one of the main sources of adrenaline in my organism , it makes me happy and significantly more beautiful!!  

7 years ago

Every year, I wake up in the morning of July 19th and I feel a mystical cloud covering my existence.

In a day like today 7 years I got to meet my very first love in person. I was so young and I had adrenaline running in my veins instead of blood as I went to see him. I dont know why I have not mentioned this in my blog before, but today as I thought about it I felt like it was a day that marked my transition from a ''young girl'' to a ''woman''.

Today a dear friend - yet new friend- said that it was not cool at all that she knows nothing about my first love. Later, a page on facebook asked its followers to post a song that reminds them of someone so I remembered this song.

My first love is long gone now, we were not ever destined to have more than what we had. I even think that it was me who loved him , but he just observed me with huge interest. After all I was a very promising 15 year old whose eyes twinkled with poetry and music and long discussions about Marx and communism!

It was the best first love that any little girl would ever dream about. I would have never been the same person if it was not for those alluring 6 months. He was not a young guy with an attractive complexion , no , he was a tormented young man with a lot of questions , and with a huge existential mess caused by all the books that he has read.

I know nothing about him now, and sometimes I feel that I have grown up to being him , but I survived. I am still young and green inside. I know nothing about him , and I know that it is not about him anymore. I believe that life is just like a Tv series directed by God. In that season he was the main actor, but now the series is more of a monologue , where I speak what I believe , where I revise my set of values twice a day , and where my own self scares me rather often. Yet It's fun to be me , and it is amazing to go discovering my inner world each and everyday.

All thanks are due to God for granting me those enjoyable episodes in the amazing roller coaster of life. 

Facebook Status: Interpretation :)

هنالك جنية داخل راسي، بيديها سنارتان و أمامها غيمتان ، غيمة مصنوعة من اللغة العربية و غيمة مصنوعة من اللغة الاسبانية ، الجنية تحيّك الغيوم لتصير خيوطاً ثم تنسج الخيوط في معجزة صغيرة كبيرة، سهلة ممتنعة اسمها: الترجمة 

الحمد لله الذي تتم بحمده النّعَم

My Friend

I dont know what shall I write about him. It is just that I have not physically seen him in two years and I did not miss him, now that I saw him and he left again I feel somehow lost inside my own chest. Now I know that I will miss him again and his presence through writing wont seem enough.

Ever since I came back from out short re-encounter I have been thinking: why is it that those who are most significant are the ones who are supposed to leave us behind?

We passed infront of our old office and we sighed. I want those days back, when we could be together everyday Physically and we had the chance to talk until the words evaporate into deep yet comfortable silence.

I have missed Najeeb so much, that I cant believe that a socially retarded person as myself actually has a true friend like this one. 

A Dream Coming True

It is late at night , I am tired and vaguely sad but I feel the urge to write.

Today Rasha and Noor Finally got engaged. Rasha was my room-mate in Spain and ever since she has been more than a friend to me, she is some kind of a dear dear sister.

I have known her since I was in my freshman year, and shortly after that Noor came along and he stayed ever since. We - the shelle- saw their love as it came to existence and as it flourished. We have been there all the way, we saw the little fights and we have witnessed the long way that they have crossed to meet in the middle.

A love story that had two responsible parties , who were aware of who they are and of their circumstances... a couple who waited for the right moment to come and when it came it was just perfect.

When I came back home from the engagement party my parents asked me why do I look sad. And as I sat down and thought to myself, I found out that I was going through severe agony ... I cant be that happy, it just troubles me and confuses me.

I am used to being jovial and to experiencing a normal dosage of happiness, but today as I heard the Sheikh recite the vows I had an intense amount of happiness that pressured my heart. I could not believe that after almost 5 years we got to that moment.

It is a ''moment''! A mere "yes" "I do" "I accept you" ... It's a second , yet it has justified all that waiting.

Seeing them all colourful and happy , and seeing the look in Noor's eyes as Rasha danced, my heart melted ,,, So this is how it feels when a dream comes true?

Mediocre People: Get a life please

I am officially sick of those people popping up everywhere in life. I put up with them in school , in university and now as I applied to the Media master program ,they insist on showing up there too!

I have been through a really long exam , 6 exams in 5 hours to be more accurate, questions that had a lot to do with the "freaking knowledge" that you have acquired  throughout your entire freaking life. (not something that anyone with mediocre knowledge would simply be able to answer)

Today I got a call that I have passed the written exam and they shall assign a date for my personal interview. I was flattered for a moment, I thought to myself: "120 people applied for the exam, many of them are actual journalists, and most of the others are way older than me, yet I was accepted which is great and means that in spite of my little age and little experience but I am good enough".

But that was taken away after a few hours when a girl that I know called. She was the only person whom I knew in the exam day, I have known her for a while in the university , and she is just "one of those girls" who go to university to get a diploma so they can get a good husband. She is simple, the type that never sticks in the memory, nowhere near smart - ok , nowhere is a harsh word, maybe dull? - and she got accepted too!!

Each time I think that those unmotivated people are gonna disappear from my track they just appear again.
It is nothing personal, but they have always been the stick in the wheel of everything. If you dont like Spanish why study it? If you dont like reading an extra book why wine about it? If you dont like thinking one extra thought than your daily basic needs why bother make conversations with people? Just go to a dark corner in the world and stay there. And most things in life are that unprofessional that those people still get through and keep ruining it for the ones who care.

Not Fair at all!

Yesternight I had a Dream

I was the weirdest dream (or maybe all dreams are weird?)

There is a teacher that I only met a couple of times. Lets just say that he has an amazing character (and lets leave it there) and in my dream he showed up , I was sitting in a bench and he came and sat next to me.

He spread one arm on my shoulder until his palm squeezed my elbow in the opposite side. Although I was dreaming but I could physically feel his palm and the heat that his body sent out towards mine.

We did not say anything, it was like I expected him and I knew he was coming , so when he came I did not rise or say anything , maybe I just nodded , and then he sat next to me and we shared the best silence anyone can ever dream of.

I dont know ,
Ever since I woke up I felt somehow frustrated. Human minds really work in mysterious ways.Why did I have this dream now? that intensely and about this specific person?

God , how much I long to having that significant silence,,I long 

Women in Heels

Atletas con zapatos de tacón | euronews, no comment

Watch this video of women racing in high heels in some race in Russia.

I am not gonna be all feminist-paranoid , but only the thought that women should wear something that hurts them and significantly misshapes their backbone to be considered beautiful and elegant ,,, it is a sad thought. 

Now What?

Today a girl I know who is as old as I am served me chocolate in celebration of three occasions: her graduation , her new job and her engagement.

Later while when I left and as I was staring outside the taxi window I thought to myself: no what? she has already accomplished all the things that we Jordanians long for, a diploma,  economical stability and a marriage. Now what? She still has -within average- 4o years to go, what is she going to do with them.

We were raised to think that this is what we want. This is ''safety'' and this is ''happiness".
But what do we do then? and what if - only what if- someone decides to seek happiness on different terms?

New Banner

They say: You wont know what you have until you lose it. I appreciated you all the way, and I did not believe in ''losing you" ... Nobody ever loses home. Yet I feel like I need you each and every moment because you are the first place ever that felt ''mine''. JU Love

Facebook Status

I think the problem with my brain's development is that Google Chrome can open as many tabs as I want, but my concentration would always follow the last tab only. 

I always get to wonder how I got to google something, most of the times I dont remember why, but I always feel in power because I CAN. 

Google Love ♥

When Friends Fall

I will try to write this entry with the least emotions possible. Just state what I believe and leave.


So , a friend of mine was telling me two weeks earlier that falling in love has no value nor respect in our society and that it is just practical and realistic to follow the social pattern, meet guys through the usual way -traditional marriages- and just get it over with because we are not gonna change the world.

Today I heard from a friend that she got engaged. She actually accepted a guy who just came to their living room and sat down telling them that he is looking for a bride ,, and Oh! what a coincidence they had one , and they are having a party to ''celebrate'' that on Friday.

I am not going anyway, because all my Fridays are in Irbed, but even if I could go I would not have gone because I dont like participating in social hypocrisy (when I have the choice of course). But what I am posting about is this: I accidentally saw a picture of me with this particular friend and I could feel it how I dropped her face from the picture! I stopped seeing her, and soon I will forget her name.

Now you wonder why? This is not anything too extremist , but it's something that the years have taught me. When friends fall for this social game, they are all thrilled the first two months (you know, they get to have a party and dress up, they have a groom who is also thrilled who takes care of her and gets her stuff) but after all this glamour is worn out , what do we get? a man and a woman stuck in a relationship that they have no idea why did it start and where is it going.

So we get a lot of drama.
Mostly girls feel alone and burdened with responsibility and soon they start running in the race of Husband/house/children and they get frustrated and they become a source of negative energy. That is: more drama.

So , and in spite of how selfish and mean this may sound, everyone has an enough load of drama in their life, so why bother about the drama of the lives of others, specially when they have come to this drama upon their own choice?!

The Moon Tonight

It does not happen to me often to be in the right place at the right time and with the zoom lens on, but it happened today , and after I dragged my camera bag along with me all day I was rewarded with this great view of the almost-full moon :))))

The New Track

Today I performed the placement test of JMI  (Jordan Media Institute) . The exam had 5 or 6 sections, General Information, Editing , Arabic , Computer Literacy and something weird about the ethics of journalism (how the hell would I ever know that If I were not a journalist already?) But all in all I did really great and I felt appreciated for the hard work I have done through out my entire life (you know , all the nerdness and the reading) , but -as always- I had to see the pathetic examples like a girl who saw me reading a book and she asked me: Is this for the exam? and I was like: This is a placement test, it tests your freaking LEVEL it does not have an ''included material". 

Those people always astonish with me their confidence. You know, this is ''Higher Education'' , it is Ok if you dont do a higher education program, yet they have the guts to come and apply and wish that there will be a material to be memorised just like school and BA! 

Now, how do I see the whole situation?
I dont like the place at all, it is literally at the end of the world, this is why it is close to Sara's house - I had lunch in her house afterwards- , the coffee is so bad! and it is so clean , just like Mecca Mall and all the freaky places of west Amman. I am not being final about the place nor the situation , but I am just saying that I am not excited yet and I am not in a rush.

The Re-encounter

Today we got to see Rachell again. Maybe it has been to years since we last saw her, and now she is in Jordan for a visit and we got to sit and talk with her for a bunch of beautiful hours. 

I love debating with her about the Palestinian Israeli issues.She has an amazing style in exhibiting her point of views, it is fun to be on the opposite side of a discussion with her, she teaches us something about the art of debate. 

Nice to see you again Rache :) 

A Great Amount of my Thoughts: Money!

It is not the "I wanna buy shoes and clothes money". But I recall reading a line in a novel many many years ago that got me to be always concerned about "being economically independent and relatively rich at some point of my life".

The line was in "Evaluna" my favourite novel of all times, and Ryad Halabi said to Evaluna: Quien paga manda. (The one who pays, rules).

I am not much of an economist or a business mind myself, I have antecedents of wasting money when I should have saved it , I tend to leave jobs that are not fulfilling on the personal and spiritual level and lets face it: I might never be rich as I intend to be , but at least I know that it's all about money and if I ever end up to be a low middle class person I would at least be happy with the jobs that I have taken ,,, Hopefully ;)