Bob Marley's Quote

I translated this card to my facebook friends. As always , I got the depressing likes but not the conversation that I always long for.

تقولين أنك تحبين المطر و لكنك تحتمين بمظلة عندما تمطر. تقولين أنك تحبين الشمس و لكنك تبحثين عن الظل عندما تشرق. تقولين أنك تحبين الريح و لكنك تغلقين النوافذ عندما تهبّ. لهذا أخاف عندما تقولين أنك تحبينني .

بوب مارلي

Oh Dear Revolution

This song is so inspirational , yet it gives me a very troubling feeling.

When she mentioned the revolutions of 77 and 69 I just felt sorry for my generation. Revolution was sacred and clean. Now every person who takes part in a revolution is immediately called a betrayer who is trying to ruin and destroy his own country.

Its systematically designed to use Media and effect the public opinion, poising peoples thoughts against all revolutionists , that at some point the revolutionist himself would wonder: Am I ACTUALLY betraying my country?

Adele ... Are you becoming one of ''Them''?

This picture troubled me. Is she gonna look like everyone else?

I mean, am happy that she is becoming healthier - as being fat is not the healthiest of things- but it is worrying to see her pause just like the others. There is something missing ,,, Efffft ,,, I feel abandoned

Blood Doanting: It's free :)

Today I was in University's Hospital in the dentistry section. A coincidence led to the other and I ended up with a couple of friends in the Blood Bank.

It turned out that a friend's brother has cancer and he needs blood donation. Both of my friends tried to donate but one of them had weak blood , and they could not locate the veins of the other so I was the only one left to donate.

Needles do scare me, but at the moment I went boldly inside -I could not leave at that point- and Subhan Allah , it went smoothly and did not even hurt. I did not even get dizzy or pale and my blood level was 15.1!!!

When I went home I felt good. Very good. A cancer patient has my blood going through his veins , bringing him chances to get better. How great is that?

I plan o doing it often Enshalla :) Its Charity, and it costs me nothing.

Realizing

I was raised by the wolves I guess. I dont go through ''actual'' tormenting and impulsive feelings. Everything I feel is negotiable. I cant be sure if I am actually sad nor mad or even offended. I have a huge amount of carelessness and very wide imagination , I can always imagine what things would be like if other things were different ,,, you know , I can imagine other scenarios so I dont feel things strongly ,,, they might simply be something else.

And so I thought of you. I thought maybe I was not that in love. Maybe I was not that attached. Maybe its just a phase. I almost got to believe that it eventually evaporated and ended.

But today I saw a person playing with a letter as he pronounced it just the way you do, and I remembered you.

And I saw a person sticking his hands in his pockets and then lifting the pockets up as yoy used to do and I remembered you.

It is not that you only crossed my mind then , no , it is that your existence was reincarnated with a simple detail that's attached in my mind to you.

Death is so hard ,,,, so hard for the mortal insignificant human beings who cant understand it nor endure it ,,, it crushes my soul every single day ,,, I miss you

The things that go out of fashion

Dr Ibraheem Al Fakeeh was a trend for a while. People talked about him a lot , they bought his books and watched his video and turned him into an actual headache. Then as usual -and as people tend to be mostly- they forgot him and they moved towards other trends.

He is a man of knowledge, he is no fashion style nor make up trade mark . Knowledge does not go out of style , but the world today has turned into a consuming contest and this man was consumed.

Today he died. A very painful and sad death. Sadly his death reminded me of him after all this time,,, I searched his videos and this short video filled me with hope and the usual guilt of not working hard enough. It also made me feel Ok about his death. At least he has lived, he has changed lives and thats what really matters.

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I am not illiterate anymore ... I can READ :)

Your Constant Pain

I know that no pain is constant ,,,

I know that human beings tend to forget at some point. But I miss you ...

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

Its driving me .... Well , it is not driving me anything , because I know its fate and fate is God word and I can never be mad at Gods word.

But I miss you ,,,

I just wish , from the bottom of my heart , from the depth of each particle of me that I could see your face one more time ,,,

I wish I could sit there and listen to you while you crack jokes and laugh ,,, Oh , your laughter in my ears ,,,

I wish I could touch your face and tell you how much I miss you

I miss you

بورتريه الأسف

و وجهك يثير الأسف. عندما أدقّق في تفاصيله و أرى زاوية فمك المتواطئة مع حاجبك المائل، وكأنك في حالة تشكيك دائمة بكل ما تراه. و كذلك الأخدود الرقيق الذي تتركه نظارتك في مساحة صدغك التي تصل عينيك بأذنيك.. هذا الأخدود الذي يحمرّ و يبيضّ تِبعاً لمدى انهماكك في الأشياء - في التفكير، الدراسة، العمل ، الضحك، أو الصمت- و لكن أكثر ما يثير الأسف في وجهك، هو ابتسامتك الفاترة المسالمة. ابتسامتك التي توحي برجل ما عاد بإمكانه أن يُدهَش. توحي برجلٍ رأى كلّ شيء... بما في ذلك أنا.

جزء من نص طويل بعنوان

"حداد يليق بالفقيد"

- المشهد الثالث -

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Its amazing how some deep eyes belong to some shallow people. ~7ekmetak ya rabb~

Without My Oud

Today was my first day of classes and as our Oud course ended on Thursday , today was my first day to go out with my Oud since 21 days.

It actually felt weird without it!! People used to stare a lot when I held with me , but I reached the point where I could totally forget about the entire population staring at me and just feel the happiness of having him on my side or on my shoulder.

Today I walked without him and I missed him a lot. I kept touching my hard finger tip , the finger tip where I lost all feeling because of practising and pressing on the strings. I kept telling myself that if I dont practice enough then my finger tip would go soft again.

When I got home , the first thing I did was going to my room and hugging him. Then I took of his leather bag and I practised and practised. I played a song for Haleem and it felt awesome.

I know how freaky this sounds , but I love him I love him I wanna scream

Its Over

This was - by all means- the best vacation of my entire life.

I got to wake up everyday and leave my house , go out to spend 3 hours on my own reading and writing and contemplating and then I learned Oud for 3 beautiful hours.

It was not good at home - it never were as everything I do is interrupted none stop- but sometimes I got to practice what I learned and I studied the music theory.

Tomorrow we are going back to class and for the very first time ever since I got to the univeristy I feel burdened by the thought that the vacation is over.

Tomorrow the last semester of my college life is starting and I am full of reluctance, mixed feelings and anguish. May God help me down this road

I believe in Egypt

This video brought tears to my eyes. It has been a year since the Egyptian Revolution started and yet the ones who killed the protesters have not been punished. I cant even start imagining what must be going through the minds of the fathers and the mothers of the martiers , I just wanna pray for Egypt and for the accomplishments of its revolution. I pray that people's effort will not be wasted and that justice will finally apply in that beautiful beautiful country.

Who am I anyway?

Look at her, Isnt she lovely?

Her name is Ola Muath. She lost her battle with cancer yesterday. I did not know her but I read her blog: http://shammless.blogspot.com/

I was reading through her blog today as I was down with the flu. I felt ashamed of feeling sick. What do I know about sickness? What do I know about anything. It takes only brave people to go through all of this , and still smile.

May you rest in peace Ola.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I found the movie by accident while watching TV in my cousins house and i could not resist the seduction.

I watched it again , and when we got to the scene where Haleem died I felt that kind of agony and as soon as I was alone with myself I cried for a good while.

Thinking of Haleem makes me cry ,,, cry a lot , because I love him , I miss him and I feel like i know him. Also I feel like I was born a little bit too late and I could not be in the same era as him.

I thought of him , an orphan who always felt unwanted in the all the houses he lived in , who was denied his only love and who was destined to be alone as he went through 61 surgeries ,,, I felt so humanly weak and sad.... Sometimes the humanity is just too sad to be handled ,,, ~sigh~

Allah yerhamak ya haleem ... Amen Amen Amen